triphopper414 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) I will try to be brief, but the story is long. Four years ago, I met someone at a conference, and was not attracted to him. We added each other on Facebook. He never gave the hint that he was interested in me. We did not start talking til 2009 (2 years after we first met) when he started writing on my facebook wall and then we started texting. He remembered everything about me! When he started texting me, he was married at the time and was starting a new job on the East Coast, and I was moving to DC. It was very friendly at first, and then he began complimenting me and feelings started to grow. His wife asked for a divorce and moved on with her life pretty quickly. During his separation/divorce, he wanted to see me and I refused because he was in the middle of a divorce. Once his divorce was final, I agreed to see him and I knew instantly something was there when we hugged. We are about 4 hours apart. We never committed to a full-on relationship, but I am not interested in anyone else and nor is he. He does make time to talk to me. We used to talk multiple times during the day but now I have a different work schedule but we talk about 3-5 times a week. The conversations are/were amazing and I could not wait to see him again and he said the same. He is in DC for work (once every 2-3 months), but I never get to see him. He always tries to stay the weekend for me when he is in town, but something always gets in the way: bad weather, funerals, more work, travel schedule (being in town for one day). It has almost been a year since we have seen each other. He travels a lot of weekends, so I can never get a weekend to see him. He hates travelling when he does not have to and it feels like he does not want to make time to see me even though I offer to visit him. He has been under a lot of stress. I am not an insecure person either. I feel like I am overthinking it. My friends say I am too understanding and that I should date other people. I went to a speed dating event and went on a few dates with them. When I went on these dates, I did not want to be there and I could not picture myself with anyone else but the long-distance guy. I am just NOT interested in anyone else. I realized that I am becoming attached and I feel like I need some space, but I can't go two weeks without talking to the long-distance guy. He makes me feel so beautiful, smart, sexy and he really boosts my confidence. I have never been as comfortable as I am with him. My brain is telling me to end it, but my heart is telling me to keep trying and to not give up. I am quite rational and logical, but I feel like I should stick around because 1) he contacted me after 2 years and remembered a lot of things and there must be a reason why he contacted me; 2) I am not interested in anyone else and usually I get bored with people quickly 3) I can't see myself with anyone else and just don't feel like dating. He never tells me he misses me, but he said that he does not like to talk about his feelings. I know that he misses me in my heart, but I am confused and feel like I am making excuses for his recent lack of effort. I don't feel like a priority to him and I do not want to hurt him because I do care about him. Help!! Edited June 2, 2011 by triphopper414 Title got cut off
mezmrz Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 if you want to not be brief and write a book, i reckon it would make a good read
vsmini Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Let's break down your words: Some of this might sound nasty but I'm just making it blunt and to the point. My brain is telling me to end it, but my heart is telling me to keep trying and to not give up. I am quite rational and logical, but I feel like I should stick around because 1) he contacted me after 2 years and remembered a lot of things and there must be a reason why he contacted me; 2) I am not interested in anyone else and usually I get bored with people quickly 3) I can't see myself with anyone else and just don't feel like dating. He never tells me he misses me, but he said that he does not like to talk about his feelings. I know that he misses me in my heart, but I am confused and feel like I am making excuses for his recent lack of effort. I don't feel like a priority to him and I do not want to hurt him because I do care about him. 1) he contacted you after two years and remembered things - there must be a reason? Why must there be a reason? To make this all more meaningful? What reason? That he's "the one" or maybe he's ending a divorce and is lonely and wants companionship/sex. 2) I'm not interested in anyone else - So that's not really your heart talking. You're bored so it's kind of like saying "eh, might as well." 3)I can't see myself with anyone else and I don't feel like dating - that's the same as #2 HUGE RED FLAG AHEAD - He never tells you he misses you. (read that again) He told you he does not like to talk about his feelings (emotionally unavailable?) you know he misses you in your heart? Does he miss you in HIS heart? How do you know this? please tell me it's not some magic feeling you have. You can't read his mind. It sounds like your just projecting what you want him to feel for you onto him. You said it yourself - you don't feel like a priority to him. Time to move on.
Author triphopper414 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Memmrz: I tried to be brief. I just thought it was necessary to put it into context. It would be a good story of reuniting and then one of uncertainty :-) VSmini: I appreciate your bluntness. He is emotionally unavailable, but sometimes he does talk to me about his feelings sometimes. I do try to dig a little bit at him, but not too hard because I know it is hard for him. There is some other stuff that I did not mention. I think it is time to have the dreaded talk, but it just tears me up just thinking about it. I have to disagree with number 2. Usually when I get bored I move onto someone else. I am just not bored yet. I am still interested that is why I am still sticking around. I have made the effort to date and I am physically attracted to other men, but don't want to be with anyone else. I have just accepted it for what it is and that is what I think it is my problem.
mezmrz Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 he contacted me after 2 years and remembered a lot of things sorry but thinking someone loves you just because they remembered something is bordering on....?
Lucky_One Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 You live in DC. He comes to DC about 4-6 times a year. He has never seen you when he has come to DC. You haven't seen him in a year. My guess is that he has a GF back where he lives.
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