soozie86 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Been going out with my bf for 2 and a bit years, I really love him but we are getting into a rut. I want to move in together, get married one day and start a family. He's been through painful experiences in the past where he has been cheated on and does not get to see his kids. I worry that because of this he will always be insecure about trusting anyone again. Therefore, never feel secure about moving our relationship forward. I just don't know whether to break up with him now, save me the heart ache of always feeling second best and maybe never moving in together, getting married or having kids together. I'm in a dark place at the moment as I just don't feel he loves me as much as I love him. Maybe breaking up is the right thing to do but I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it. What do people think?
Exit Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Homebrew got it right. Relationships need COMMUNICATION. Don't just sit here and start thinking about dumping the guy, sit with him and tell him what your concerns are. I know it's not always easy to approach someone and say you need to have a serious conversation, but it's better than guessing. Give him a chance to have some input in the future you two are going to have. If he says he would like to go that far with you some day and he realizes he'll need to get over his issues in order to make it there, great. If he says he's not looking to do any of that or can't get over his past, then you'll know not to waste any more time and you won't always have to wonder if you did the right thing. My most recent ex told me that at some point during 2010 she wondered if I really loved her and she had letters she had written that she never gave to me. And now we finally did fall apart this year and I hope she regrets never giving me those letters, we could have worked things out. So don't find yourself in that position. Don't look back on things and realize there were things you could have told him but you didn't.
Author soozie86 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 yeah, think I'm going to sit him down tomorrow and talk things through. Although I did tell him a few weeks ago I definitely want children sometime in the future and I asked him if he did too. All he said was he would have to think about it. I'm so stressed lately with uni work that I think he is getting fed up of me. I feel I become really needy for emotional love when I'm stressed which does not help the situation. Anyway thanks for your advice guys it's being a rough night. [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Exit Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Well obviously you are getting near the point of no return with this guy, so don't let him get away with any more half-effort answers like "I have to think about it". Next time you try to talk, if he tries to avoid it, you need to let him know that the outcome of the conversation you're trying to have will affect your future together. If that doesn't motivate him to sit up straight and open his ears, you'll have your answer.
Kodo Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 yeah, think I'm going to sit him down tomorrow and talk things through. Although I did tell him a few weeks ago I definitely want children sometime in the future and I asked him if he did too. All he said was he would have to think about it. Please sit down and talk with him... just because he isn't expressing it doesn't mean it isn't there! I'm so stressed lately with uni work that I think he is getting fed up of me. I feel I become really needy for emotional love when I'm stressed which does not help the situation. Perhaps wait until uni has passed. Tell him you're struggling at the moment and once the work is done you want to talk to him. Be subtle about it so he doesn't feel you're nagging him.
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