murah989 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 This has happened the last 4 times and I'm very frustrated. I'll give you the general motion of things. 1. Meet girl ( mostly online, one in person) 2. Have great conversation 3. Exchange of numbers 4. Facebook add. 5. Text/Call of number for date and/or flirtatious chatting 6. Date made, feelings of attraction are high 6. Girl vanishes, never to be heard from again. I finally had someone agree to a date with me! We chatted the whole night and I felt the energy from her. I send her a text yesterday night and she vanished. I haven't heard from her all day, especially when I know she replies within seconds of me sending something to her. Why does this keep happening to me? Why is it that these girls give me all their contact info, talk to me for a bit, then vanish. Is there something I'm doing wrong??
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Just to be clear - when you say chatting you do mean with a phone call, right? not just texting back and forth? Many girls run if the guy is a serial texter.
Author murah989 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 Sadly, I am a serial texter =( The most recent girl I've been talking to agreed to go on a date with me. That whole convo was through text. Last night I just sent a text saying Hi =). I never got a response to that one... I'm really afraid to call because since I already sent that last text, she might think I'm being pushy. Do you think she's ignoring this text because she wants me to call?? also, I didn't add this one to facebook. I'm trying to keep communication to phone only.
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Sadly, I am a serial texter =( The most recent girl I've been talking to agreed to go on a date with me. That whole convo was through text. Last night I just sent a text saying Hi =). I never got a response to that one... I'm really afraid to call because since I already sent that last text, she might think I'm being pushy. Do you think she's ignoring this text because she wants me to call?? also, I didn't add this one to facebook. I'm trying to keep communication to phone only. You have to break that habit. I've known a couple guys that could share their life story and their fears with me on Gchat and/or texting but when I was hanging out with them they clammed up like there was no tomorrow. It was really unhealthy and showed me that they were not confident in who they were. As a woman - I have a negative view of texting (as a primary means of communcation) as I think it's a total loophole for good communication. Guys (or girls) can rattle off a few texts and call that communication meanwhile treating their SO like crap and the other person justifying crappy behavior with "well he sent me a text!" Who gives a flying F? Keep communication to short phone calls - initially and in person visits. Facebook and texts are terrible - one big facade.
Imajerk17 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 What sanskrit said. I would say that you aren't being mysterious enough. All this communication is doing really is just giving you chances to "blow it"--i.e., say something stupid that will make her lose interest. Remember that the goal of your pre-date communication is to get to the first date. And if you have a date set up, why would you be calling and texting all this much in the meanwhile? Texting the day after an "all-night" phone conversation is definitely too much too soon. Why would you have these all-night phone conversations anyway, unless she lived 3000 miles away and you both were trying to decide if it was worth flying out to meet each other? Once the date is set up, I will text her the minimum amount to keep myself in her mind, until we meet up. This is maybe once every few days until the date. Then I might send a text 12--24 hours before the date saying something like "See you tonight at 8, looking forward to it!"
Author murah989 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 Thanks for the input everyone! It's really hard not to send another text/phonecall, but I'll try waiting a couple of days to see where things go. Now, although this is a stupid thing to worry about, I'm concerned I already blew it by texting her "Hiya =)" last night... Have I already been put in the ignore pile by saying one word??
Author murah989 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 I'd just be curious as to whether I can recover from this.... =(
Mike B. Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Going to go out on a limb here, IMO starting up texting, IMing, etc. with a woman before she has formed a base level of sexual attraction to you, unless you are an -acknowledged master- of flirting via text or phone, is a mistake, tends to feminize you in her eyes by equating you to just another GF or school chum. Moreover, before she has invested any emotion in you at all or the prospect of you, as they say when the cuffs go on, "anything you say can and will be used against you." The slightest most innocuous seeming comment will be used to "next" you irrationally or rationally. Remain a mostly unknown quantity until you are face-to-face. It took me years to learn this and my dating happiness has increased while at the same time the flake factor has decreased. I agree. I would keep the chatty stuff to a low minimum until you meet face to face.
SJC2008 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Hopefully it's a bad streak. I'm on a two flakes in a row myself lol! Try not to text. I know this is the "technology era" we live in but just use it as a convenience more than a primary method of communication. Hope your luck turns around. And to Imajerk17, I have read on dating tips sites that women like "mystery" so you may be on to something. Too bad they don't like men they know like them and then whine on this blog a year later that they wound up with a guy who wont marry them and doesnt want kids, when they probably ditched the guy that would have proposed AND wants kids because he showed too much interest too early which means he's "needy" or "clingy" and not that he knows what he wants and has goals in life, heaven forbid that.
Author murah989 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 I agree. I would keep the chatty stuff to a low minimum until you meet face to face. I don't like to think I've botched it already, but I haven't received any sort of reply. Do you think I've messed this up and should move on? It would really suck to think a single word such as "hiya" could completely turn off a women...I've seen worse
Imajerk17 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the input everyone! It's really hard not to send another text/phonecall, but I'll try waiting a couple of days to see where things go. Now, although this is a stupid thing to worry about, I'm concerned I already blew it by texting her "Hiya =)" last night... Have I already been put in the ignore pile by saying one word?? You almost certainly did not blow it with that text, but cut it out. If the date is scheduled within a few days (as opposed to say 5 days out), send her a text *the night before* saying something like "See you at 8 tomorrow!" EDIT: Meanwhile, you want to set up your dates via phone unless she says she prefers text--some women actually do. This girl might indeed flake on you, not because of your most recent text, but because she doesn't have even a voice to place onto you. You want to do the bare minimum of communication to ensure that you and she meet up. It sometimes involves a phone call. As you already set up the date, save the phone calls until after the first date though. Edited June 3, 2011 by Imajerk17
NicoleM Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Murah I understand how you feel. I was in that kind of relationship only he was a serial texter which really didn't bother me however I never knew how to read him through texts and I never knew what was going on and eventually he vanished. I never knew what happened but it is safe to assume he has moved on.
Mike B. Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I don't like to think I've botched it already, but I haven't received any sort of reply. Do you think I've messed this up and should move on? It would really suck to think a single word such as "hiya" could completely turn off a women...I've seen worse I would at least call one last time in a few days. If she doesn't pick up or return that call, stick a fork in it. Don't pull a "Mikey" on the voicemail.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I don't like to think I've botched it already, but I haven't received any sort of reply. Do you think I've messed this up and should move on? It would really suck to think a single word such as "hiya" could completely turn off a women...I've seen worse You blew it WAAAY before she stopped responding to you. After you talked to her the last time, she decided you were too eager and she lost interest. So forget about her, and learn the mistake for the next one. Stop texting her, and next woman you meet, you CALL her, for 5 minutes, set up a date, and dont let her get to know you until you are actually at the date. Also, assume they will always flake right up until you actually see her when you meet up. That way you will always be surprised.
ProjekctionMan Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 You blew it WAAAY before she stopped responding to you. After you talked to her the last time, she decided you were too eager and she lost interest. So forget about her, and learn the mistake for the next one. Stop texting her, and next woman you meet, you CALL her, for 5 minutes, set up a date, and dont let her get to know you until you are actually at the date. Also, assume they will always flake right up until you actually see her when you meet up. That way you will always be surprised. This kind of game playing is for young, immature women.
Arasae Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 As a woman who is majorly turned off by serial texting, I can tell you that the single "hiya :)" text would have made me, personally, seriously reconsider my interest level. Why? Well.. Serial texting tells me that you first, are not a very busy guy, which makes me feel that you may spend inordinate amounts of time over analyzing "us". Secondly, it makes me wonder what would happen if you already spend that much time thinking about me, what would happen if we dated and then broke up. Most women have been stalked at some point, so we are ultra sensitive to this. Finally, that "hi!" text tells me that you really want some form of contact/attention, but can't think of anything to ask. This makes me question your creativity, how well we would connect on a date if you've already run out of ideas, and then makes me feel like you lack self control, which leads back to the "what if we don't work out and he's heart broken, as he makes me feel too important to him, too fast?" Yes, it is all very judgmental. Yes, it is unfair. It is also the truth. We don't necessarily like the "mystery", but certain things make us feel uncomfortable because they strike us as unsafe. Stick with a phone call, MAYBE a text or two, and wait for your date to really connect. Over eager translates sub consciously to stalker in our minds, even if we are only aware of a vague unease. Please note that I am in no way implying you are a bad guy or a stalker-my point was to explain the inner irrational workings of some women's minds. You seem very nice, so if, you follow that advice, you will probably do well!
Author murah989 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 I think a lot of people are misunderstanding this. She AGREED to go on a date with me...a time, nor a place was ever set up; only her saying " We can do something next week". The initial text I sent her leading to that long text conversation, was as a result of her giving me her number on OKC. The next day I sent the "Hiya" text. This is why I'm so confused...how is it we can have a great conversation, her literally saying "This is so much fun!", and then nothingness. I really doubt it's because I said "Hiya". If it is, then it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I'm also very intrigued how starting a conversation with a modified hello means I'm not creative...I wonder if most women follow that logic.
denisss Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 This happens to everyone at some point and truly it can leave you feeling lower than low. The only thing you can do is get yourself back up again, keep your mind on other things and not dwell on what has happened. If you dwell on it then it will consume you. You have to keep your mind busy and active and you have to keep searching. Just don't give up.
denisss Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I disagree. It depends on the person, but starting up with texting or IMing can establish a more intimate bond than you might establish over a drink or dinner, meeting face to face. It just depends how you go about it, I would say. Going to go out on a limb here, IMO starting up texting, IMing, etc. with a woman before she has formed a base level of sexual attraction to you, unless you are an -acknowledged master- of flirting via text or phone, is a mistake, tends to feminize you in her eyes by equating you to just another GF or school chum. Moreover, before she has invested any emotion in you at all or the prospect of you, as they say when the cuffs go on, "anything you say can and will be used against you." The slightest most innocuous seeming comment will be used to "next" you irrationally or rationally. Remain a mostly unknown quantity until you are face-to-face. It took me years to learn this and my dating happiness has increased while at the same time the flake factor has decreased.
Imajerk17 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) I think a lot of people are misunderstanding this. She AGREED to go on a date with me...a time, nor a place was ever set up; only her saying " We can do something next week". The initial text I sent her leading to that long text conversation, was as a result of her giving me her number on OKC. The next day I sent the "Hiya" text. This is why I'm so confused...how is it we can have a great conversation, her literally saying "This is so much fun!", and then nothingness. I really doubt it's because I said "Hiya". If it is, then it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I'm also very intrigued how starting a conversation with a modified hello means I'm not creative...I wonder if most women follow that logic. I am having a clearer idea of what is happening. This is a lot of back-and-forth (bad) and even worse, with not much happening--tentative plans instead of real firm ones (even worse!). I instead usually call the girl after getting her number (instead of texting) and then after we talk for 10--20 minutes, I set up the date, which includes a *specific* time and place. Even if I text instead of call (which might be if she says she is a texter) I set up the date with again, a *specific* time and place, and I go for the date set-up after a few texts. "We can do something next week" is NOT setting up the date. Edited June 3, 2011 by Imajerk17
Arasae Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 The initial text I sent her leading to that long text conversation, was as a result of her givingme her number on OKC. The next day I sent the "Hiya" text. Exactly. This is serial texting. Toward the end of the convo I guarantee she was feeling uncomfortable and then didn't want to start another really loooooon text convo the next day. "Hiya" is not creative because it says absolutely nothing while taking up space. Maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine, but to me it is the text equivalent of waving your arms around frantically shouting, "hey! Hey! Talk to meeee!" Not the case for all women, but definitely for some. Never make vague plans. Make solid ones, and then wait. If, and only if, she is going out of her way to text you a lot should you reply. A lot of men end up bombarding women with a persistent stream of questions and don't realize they are going overboard because texting doesn't usually allow for typical subtle clues. Like I said, nothing was aimed at you. This is only an explanation from a girl who has been in a similar situation of what MIGHT be going on.
denisss Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Too true. The whole idea of a meal is enough to put me off any date. It's just awkward, eating in front of a stranger you're trying to impress. Actually, anything that involves sitting down and making small-ish talk puts me off. Defo go for something a bit more involved. And a movie is always the worst place for a date. Yes, it can a certain very low % of the time (or a high % if you are me:laugh:). It can mess things up a much higher % of the time though when one is trying to learn the ropes in online dating. Oh, OP never do first dinner dates, do active dates where you are walking around somewhere, and if things go well, you can share an appetizer sitting next to each other at the bar, but don't make dinner the focus, and especially not a movie.
Baaytje Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 What you are doing wrong is that you are working to hard for her. did you call her or did she call you? she should desire you, you should be the object. if you want to become someone like this look at: http://free-datinghelp.weebly.com here is all the info you need. seeya, Timo
Feelsgoodman Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 This has happened the last 4 times and I'm very frustrated. I'll give you the general motion of things. 1. Meet girl ( mostly online, one in person) 2. Have great conversation 3. Exchange of numbers 4. Facebook add. 5. Text/Call of number for date and/or flirtatious chatting 6. Date made, feelings of attraction are high 6. Girl vanishes, never to be heard from again. I finally had someone agree to a date with me! We chatted the whole night and I felt the energy from her. I send her a text yesterday night and she vanished. I haven't heard from her all day, especially when I know she replies within seconds of me sending something to her. Why does this keep happening to me? Why is it that these girls give me all their contact info, talk to me for a bit, then vanish. Is there something I'm doing wrong?? Most women (especially on free sites such as POF) don't take online dating seriously. They are there for attention whoring/validation, not to actually meet men. That's why the flake ratio is so high. They'll give you their phone number with no intention of ever meeting up. I know that as guy, you are probably wondering: this doesn't make any sense...why would a girl want to waste time emailing, texting and talking to a guy she has no intention of meeting? But that's the way women are. Attention is like water to them. If they don't get hit on often enough in real life, they take their attention whoring online.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 13, 2011 Posted June 13, 2011 Most women (especially on free sites such as POF) don't take online dating seriously. They are there for attention whoring/validation, not to actually meet men. That's why the flake ratio is so high. They'll give you their phone number with no intention of ever meeting up. I know that as guy, you are probably wondering: this doesn't make any sense...why would a girl want to waste time emailing, texting and talking to a guy she has no intention of meeting? But that's the way women are. Attention is like water to them. If they don't get hit on often enough in real life, they take their attention whoring online. Especially when they were dumped or ignored by a guy they really liked, they become attention sponges.
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