How can I trust her again?

[TheAwesomeGuy]

So to start off, I would like to give you a brief overview of my girlfriend. My girlfriend is suicidal because she has self-image issues. She thinks that she isn't pretty (believe me, she is smoking). She hasn't had sex in the past except with me but she has given guys oral and has hooked up with a lot of guys just to recieve attention. She just likes to seek attention from guys and by doing this stuff with them, it made her feel wanted.

 

I on the other hand, have done nothing sexual with any other girl except with her. I have hooked up before but not that often. I am 17 and she is 16.

 

Now onto the story.

We have been going out for 6 months and it has been great. We have many things in common and we have a great time with each other. Our relationship took a turn for the worse about a month ago when my girlfriend went over to a guys house becuase this guy knew about her situation and she wanted comfort. I didn't know about her issue at the time and she didn't want to tell me because she thought I would break up with her. Anyways, this guy was her old crush before me. She promised me nothing would happen. Well, the next day, i get a text saying what went down. They were talking and my girlfriend was texting. This guy then suddenly kisses her and she kissed back. After 2 seconds, she pushes him off and leaves immediately. I asked her how she felt when she kissed him and she had said it was comforting becuase she was really scared at the time. But after those two seconds, she said she was instantly filled with remorse and sadness. She also told me if it were any other guy, she would not have kissed him. She thinks I am going to break up with her any second and doesnt think she deserves me. She always tells me she loves and and hates herself because of this. She tells me she has cried and has nightmares of me leaving her. I know she isn't lying about that stuff because she isn't that kind of girl who would make up lies out of desperation. She tells me that I am the only one she wants.

 

What would you do? I am inclined to stay with her but i do not know how to get over this incident. I would like to thank all of you in advance who will be helping me. I can tell she is very sorry.

 

Edit:

She said she felt nothing during the kiss. It was purely for comfort. She feels disgusted with herself and still is.

Edited June 2, 2011 by TheAwesomeGuy

[Exit]

This girl needs to sort her issues out before trying to be in a relationship. They say "hurt people hurt people", as in she is hurting and has issues, and will just end up hurting you. Someone with image issues is always going to want attention from other people and are prone to cheating or at least being in questionable situations. I think you fell for a line of BS with the whole "I didn't want to talk to you cuz it would freak you out and you'd leave me, so I went to some other guys house to talk". I don't blame you, if you hear that and don't take the time to really question it, it sounds reasonable, she doesn't want to scare you with her problems. But if you think about it for about 3 seconds you realize it's crap. If she only wants you, she should want to talk to you. These issues are a part of her life, and if she wants to be with you, she'll have to be secure enough to involve you in the process, she can't date you and then go use other people as the ones she wants to talk to. Maybe she is somewhat innocent, maybe she does just want people to talk to, and other guys look at it as "damn this girl is coming over to be with me I'm gonna make a move". That's the kind of thing I always tried to tell my ex, maybe she is completely innocent and uninterested in anyone else but when she accepts guys friend requests on facebook and chats them up and everything she has no idea what their real intentions are.

 

So anyways, that's my 2 reasons to, at the very least, spend some time apart from her and think things out, if not leave her behind completely. 1) She has issues and that will always be a problem and end up hurting you, and 2) her going to talk to another guy probably wasn't entirely innocent.

 

If she is so worried that you are going to leave her, then give her a little shake by making her wonder for a few days. If you just come right back to forgiving her and everything then she'll think "okay, my fears about him leaving me if I do stuff like this are unfounded, he'll stick around". Show her that you aren't a push over. She kissed another guy and didn't immediately pull away. Who knows what "2 seconds" really means. You are in no rush to decide here, even if while you're deciding she gets scared and goes running off somewhere else for more "comfort" then you'll have even more evidence that she isn't loyal. Don't feel like you need to hurry and take her back before she finds someone else. Make her prove that she does only want you. You are in control here. Many of us are in helpless painful situations. Enjoy the fact that you have the upper hand right now. Take your time to decide and let her wait, and then if you do decide to keep trying, don't just take her back no questions asked, tell her there will be a lot of work that needs to be done and she needs to give you a chance to be the one that she talks to, and if she can't handle that, say ok, I take my offer back and let's be apart.

Edited June 2, 2011 by Exit

[gaius]

Pretty women that deep down don't think they are pretty are trouble. It's unlikely this kind of attention seeking from other men is ever going to change no matter what you do or how much attention you give her. I would move on.

Edited June 3, 2011 by gaius