girlish334 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I have always been insecure but have noticed guys watchingme.my husband had a very intense emotional affair. Now a really like the attention. like the attention too much?
TaraMaiden Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Turn your attention to husband. get counselling. What do you crave that he is not giving you? What did he crave from you that you were not giving him? (or else, why would he have had emotional affair?) Don't get me wrong - he is guilty of having the EA. Absolutely. But you are BOTH responsible for the commitment and effort you input into the relationship. Work on that, not at looking elsewhere.
Spark1111 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 What you are feeling is perfectly normal. What you do with that feeling will define your future. It is normal, upon discovering a spouse's affair, to take a tremendous hit to your self-esteem; was I desirable enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, loving enough, attentive enough.....Why did my spouse stray???? Why wasn't I enough???? Why wasn't MY LOVE enough????? These thoughts are a natural process of self-protecting. We love/loved this person yet they sought attention and validation elsewhere....so it must be something I did or did not do to make them feel loved enough. This is self=protection of our psyche....similiar to Stockholm Syndrome. We fall in love with our abuser and then blame ourselves for not being deserving enough of their love. Your brain is trying to protect your emotions from imploding and doing serious harm to your body. The knee-jerk reaction is to find someone, anyone, who will love us enough, or give us attention so we can keep our self image that we are worthy of love. We seek this because we cannot handle our psychic pain. It is a salve to our battered ego. Sit tight on this.. Do not do it. When the smoke clears, you will have one more act that will cripple your healing. Just know it is a normal response to the devastation of betrayal. But ultimately, it will do more damage than good. Okay, get attention or attraction if you need to. I understand it. But please, do not fall into bed with strangers who will sense your vulnerability and start circling like ravenouse wolves. you WILL hate yourself in the morning. Work on you validating YOU, you building your self-esteem.
seren Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 What you are feeling is perfectly normal. What you do with that feeling will define your future. It is normal, upon discovering a spouse's affair, to take a tremendous hit to your self-esteem; was I desirable enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, loving enough, attentive enough.....Why did my spouse stray???? Why wasn't I enough???? Why wasn't MY LOVE enough????? These thoughts are a natural process of self-protecting. We love/loved this person yet they sought attention and validation elsewhere....so it must be something I did or did not do to make them feel loved enough. This is self=protection of our psyche....similiar to Stockholm Syndrome. We fall in love with our abuser and then blame ourselves for not being deserving enough of their love. Your brain is trying to protect your emotions from imploding and doing serious harm to your body. The knee-jerk reaction is to find someone, anyone, who will love us enough, or give us attention so we can keep our self image that we are worthy of love. We seek this because we cannot handle our psychic pain. It is a salve to our battered ego. Sit tight on this.. Do not do it. When the smoke clears, you will have one more act that will cripple your healing. Just know it is a normal response to the devastation of betrayal. But ultimately, it will do more damage than good. Okay, get attention or attraction if you need to. I understand it. But please, do not fall into bed with strangers who will sense your vulnerability and start circling like ravenouse wolves. you WILL hate yourself in the morning. Work on you validating YOU, you building your self-esteem. Spark always says what I would have said, but in a far better way. I agree with this wholeheartedly.
crazycatlady Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Turn your attention to husband. get counselling. What do you crave that he is not giving you? What did he crave from you that you were not giving him? (or else, why would he have had emotional affair?) Don't get me wrong - he is guilty of having the EA. Absolutely. But you are BOTH responsible for the commitment and effort you input into the relationship. Work on that, not at looking elsewhere. Spark was good, but this too is also important. It is a normal knee jerk reaction. I never spoke of it here, but I did tell H a couple of times that I wish I could do the same thing to him so he would understand how deeply he hurt me. But that's not my nature. Plus you gotta put up with yet another person's bulls*** and I didn't have it in me to do that either. So don't do it. Reread Spark's reply and Tara's
StoneCold Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 (edited) Well its hard to say "yay" or "nay" to this.... I'm not going to be so quick to say dont do it because taking the "moral high road" doesnt always do anything for you. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesnt. You could get revenge but know that it wont fix the problems in your marriage...but then again maybe you dont care, dont expect it to and you have another game plan to address the big issues in your marriage (or you're at least working on one). I say this because I've been in situations where the "moral high ground" yielded nothing and been in other situations where it did....on the flip side I've also been in situations where revenge felt great and others where it felt bad... When I think of it, no matter what path I chose, if things didnt go so well it wasnt my decision I regretted...it was how I came to that decision that I regretted. I either didnt think it through enough or I over thought to a state of analysis paralysis. I guess all I can say is think before you do anything....before you act or choose not to act. Know your situation and all factors, pros and cons pertaining to it, make a decision and make peace with it. Edited June 6, 2011 by StoneCold
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