heart-broken-shmuck Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Hello all, Just checking in to journal about my progress...or whatever you want to call it. Yesterday was 1 month NC, since then found out she had already slept with another guy, friends see her out and she seems unaffected and her life has just continued on without a worry in the world...and she has not tried to contact me in any fashion...surprisingly...most days I do ok with it! Last week I had 4 good days, only to be followed by a few really bad days, but today was a pretty decent one. Part of me is surprised that she has been able to continue on since I left her, she was the last to contact me...how she loved me more than anything and forever and I would always be in her heart...again though I know her so well that I know she will never contact me...and most of me is ok with that. On another note, my friends are saying that I am "hiding" from her because I dont go out to places that are high risk areas to run into her...I disagree...I know what I am able to handle and seeing her anytime soon would set me back...and part of what I learned is that I need to work on myself before Im ready to see her...and Im moving in a month so I dont think I will be ready to see her before I go...so I will never see her again and Im ok with that as well. Still struggling with the self confidence thing but I think when I am out of this town I will make huge strides in my recovery and self image. Cant believe its only been a month, longest month I have ever had I think...hoping time starts to fly by again like it used to! Thanks for reading, wish everyone the best in their recovery and any encouraging words are greatly appreciated! Take care guys!
smudge21 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 It sucks doesn't it. What's worse is that when others don't realise or appreciate your suffering. Don't expect miracles and just take each day as a baby step forward. You will have ups and downs, moments of weakness and utter sadness, but then you'll start to notice more positive moments creeping in. Eventually the good will outweigh the bad. As for hearing about the ex or even seeing her, that always happens. The dumper always seems to move on quickly generally because it's been their decision. Mentally they moved on long before they physically did. Just remember that seeing a picture, hearing about them or even seeing them enjoy themselves is only a snapshot of their lives - you have no idea how they are feeling inside or what is going on. You can think the worse, that she never cared, or you can think that she's only putting a brave face on and regrets leaving you. Whatever helps you heal I guess. Sadly there's no cure for what you (and I) are going through, you just need to stay strong and understand that one day this will all get better. That's a fact.
Exit Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Sounds like you're doing alright. 1 month NC is a great accomplishment, many people struggle with it. I would suggest doing yourself a favor as a reward for this first month, try to stop gathering information about how she is doing. Whether you've actively been trying to find these things out or if these bits of information just passively come into your life through word-of-mouth or otherwise, try to put an end to it. What good does it do to know that she "appears unaffected" and who is the mind-reader who said that in the first place? What do they expect, to see your ex crying her eyes out as she is out-and-about in public? Nobody knows how she is doing except her and it doesn't matter anyway. Otherwise you are doing good. There is nothing wrong with avoiding places where you might run in to her if you know you can't handle it. Some people do the opposite, they purposely hang out at places where they think they can find their ex, trying to force opportunities for conversation or confrontation. You're taking the high road and doing the right thing. You'll be fine!
Author heart-broken-shmuck Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 The dumper always seems to move on quickly generally because it's been their decision. Mentally they moved on long before they physically did. Just remember that seeing a picture, hearing about them or even seeing them enjoy themselves is only a snapshot of their lives - you have no idea how they are feeling inside or what is going on. You can think the worse, that she never cared, or you can think that she's only putting a brave face on and regrets leaving you. Whatever helps you heal I guess. Strangely enough I broke up with her, before I had the gumshun to leave her I started emotionally distancing myself...and when I finally did it, it felt so right, and I was relieved...but instead of maintaining NC I let her mind **** the crap out of me! so in a sense she flipped the script and left me feeling ****ty lol I know things are going to get better...and you guys are right...a month is a huge accomplishment! Thank you, I feel better that Im not the only one that feels this way.
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