Ex in rebound, any input?

[acceptance]

Hey all, my ex broke up with me some four to five weeks ago. We had been going out just over two years.

 

 

At first, we were talking after the break-up until recently in which she decided to hate me completely for doing seemingly nothing wrong.

 

She tells me she's over me and is seeing someone (apparently she has a date confirmed and will happen soon).

 

Meanwhile, a few days ago, she was extremely angry and needed friends to consult about issues she had when she was with me. Pretty much the definition of not being over me if she was getting so angry.

 

 

It'll be my guess that this rebound relationship (if there is going to be one or if this date exists) is going to crash and burn and she's gonna end up coming back to me upset. Whether or not I could take her back is unknown.

 

 

Anyway, what's your take on this whole situation and can anyone give me some clarity on what happens with rebound relationships and the "aftermath"?

[Exit]

I hope my reply doesn't sound harsh, only telling you what I think you need to hear from what I've learned from being in your position.

 

It doesn't matter a single bit what happens with her, whether this date/relationship is even real or fake, whether it will succeed and be the love of her life or rather it will crash and burn because she made a mistake. Even if it did matter, nobody here can give you a single bit of insight, every situation is different, every human being is different, and none of us can read her mind for you or predict the future.

 

The type of wondering and thinking that you are doing right now is not conducive to your healing. It doesn't matter what is going on with her. You should be focusing on yourself, finding your own happiness in your life, reflecting on the relationship and thinking about what you learned about yourself and what you can do better next time.

 

Let her take the low road and focus her attention on someone else this soon. That's not the right way to go. The time after a relationship falls apart should be spent doing the things I mentioned already. Once you're single again, you should look in the mirror and think about it all. Some people don't have the courage to look in the mirror and question themselves, they'd rather find someone new to look at.

 

If every time you get your heart broken, you take the high road, and you take care of yourself, and figure out how to improve, each relationship you have will only get better (even if it's with a previous ex coming back for round 2). People who don't take the time to do this, just jump from relationship to relationship, and they never improve, and they never learn, and they will be having the same relationships when they're 30 as they did when they were 17. Yuck!

 

The only bit of information regarding her that should matter to you is that she is not with you and apparently not attempting to repair things either. Whether she is still upset over things that happened about you, or ready to marry someone else, or moving to a different country, none of it should matter to you.

 

I would be careful about confidently assuming that she's going to regret all of this and come back to you. Don't set yourself up for more heartbreak. Even if you two did try again, it should only be after a period of time spent apart, after you have both thought things over and are ready to do the hard work it will take to repair things. You touched on it yourself, even if she came back right now, it could be because she's upset that her new guy didn't work out. Does that sound like a good starting point for a new try between you two? No. Neither is it a good re-starting point if you sat there for 5+ weeks and just missed her and wondered about her and didn't do anything better with your time. You should be enjoying life, seeing friends, reading books, catching up on movies, exercising, taking care of yourself, and if life ever decides to bring to two back together, you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

It really doesn't matter what's going on with you. If I could see the future and told you she's gonna marry someone else, would that make you feel better or worse? If I told you she'll be back eventually, would you just sit around counting the minutes until she contacts you? Even if you had these pieces of information, they never really provide what you're looking for. It becomes an addiction. "If I could only know this about her, if I could only know that" and you'll just keep getting more and more answers (answers which you probably won't like) and you'll come up with more and more questions.

 

Try to move on. I know it's not easy.

Edited June 2, 2011 by Exit

[Mack05]

I hope my reply doesn't sound harsh, only telling you what I think you need to hear from what I've learned from being in your position.

 

It doesn't matter a single bit what happens with her, whether this date/relationship is even real or fake, whether it will succeed and be the love of her life or rather it will crash and burn because she made a mistake. Even if it did matter, nobody here can give you a single bit of insight, every situation is different, every human being is different, and none of us can read her mind for you or predict the future.

 

The type of wondering and thinking that you are doing right now is not conducive to your healing. It doesn't matter what is going on with her. You should be focusing on yourself, finding your own happiness in your life, reflecting on the relationship and thinking about what you learned about yourself and what you can do better next time.

 

Let her take the low road and focus her attention on someone else this soon. That's not the right way to go. The time after a relationship falls apart should be spent doing the things I mentioned already. Once you're single again, you should look in the mirror and think about it all. Some people don't have the courage to look in the mirror and question themselves, they'd rather find someone new to look at.

 

If every time you get your heart broken, you take the high road, and you take care of yourself, and figure out how to improve, each relationship you have will only get better (even if it's with a previous ex coming back for round 2). People who don't take the time to do this, just jump from relationship to relationship, and they never improve, and they never learn, and they will be having the same relationships when they're 30 as they did when they were 17. Yuck!

 

The only bit of information regarding her that should matter to you is that she is not with you and apparently not attempting to repair things either. Whether she is still upset over things that happened about you, or ready to marry someone else, or moving to a different country, none of it should matter to you.

 

I would be careful about confidently assuming that she's going to regret all of this and come back to you. Don't set yourself up for more heartbreak. Even if you two did try again, it should only be after a period of time spent apart, after you have both thought things over and are ready to do the hard work it will take to repair things. You touched on it yourself, even if she came back right now, it could be because she's upset that her new guy didn't work out. Does that sound like a good starting point for a new try between you two? No. Neither is it a good re-starting point if you sat there for 5+ weeks and just missed her and wondered about her and didn't do anything better with your time. You should be enjoying life, seeing friends, reading books, catching up on movies, exercising, taking care of yourself, and if life ever decides to bring to two back together, you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

It really doesn't matter what's going on with you. If I could see the future and told you she's gonna marry someone else, would that make you feel better or worse? If I told you she'll be back eventually, would you just sit around counting the minutes until she contacts you? Even if you had these pieces of information, they never really provide what you're looking for. It becomes an addiction. "If I could only know this about her, if I could only know that" and you'll just keep getting more and more answers (answers which you probably won't like) and you'll come up with more and more questions.

 

Try to move on. I know it's not easy.

 

Great Post. Deserves a new thread on it's own. Every person who is going through a tough time, wondering what their ex is doing etc etc should read this post and take the advice given on board. Only you are responsible for your own happiness.

[dreamscape123]

agreed, great post by Exit... but as i know from what i am feeling right now , very hard to do at first... My wounds are very fresh.... only found out about my ex yesterday, and only split up a few weeks ago after a perfect 19 month relationship.... and after a big mis understanding that she wont listen to me about.... Man.. it hurts and is very very hard to just get on with life....

[ItsRainingAgain]

The type of wondering and thinking that you are doing right now is not conducive to your healing. It doesn't matter what is going on with her. You should be focusing on yourself, finding your own happiness in your life, reflecting on the relationship and thinking about what you learned about yourself and what you can do better next time.

 

So true about the wondering and thinking....It won't do you any good towards healing.

I found that out the hard way...wondering and thinking made me drive by his house last night to see if he went back to his ex wife...no car was in his driveway...it didn't make me feel better...infact it made me feel worse. I guess I was hopeing she was there so I could have some kind of closure. I would rather have the angry feeling than this pain of being heartbroken.

[sun_moon]

It doesn't matter a single bit what happens with her, whether this date/relationship is even real or fake, whether it will succeed and be the love of her life or rather it will crash and burn because she made a mistake. Even if it did matter, nobody here can give you a single bit of insight, every situation is different, every human being is different, and none of us can read her mind for you or predict the future.

 

The type of wondering and thinking that you are doing right now is not conducive to your healing. It doesn't matter what is going on with her. You should be focusing on yourself, finding your own happiness in your life, reflecting on the relationship and thinking about what you learned about yourself and what you can do better next time.

 

Let her take the low road and focus her attention on someone else this soon. That's not the right way to go. The time after a relationship falls apart should be spent doing the things I mentioned already. Once you're single again, you should look in the mirror and think about it all. Some people don't have the courage to look in the mirror and question themselves, they'd rather find someone new to look at.

 

If every time you get your heart broken, you take the high road, and you take care of yourself, and figure out how to improve, each relationship you have will only get better (even if it's with a previous ex coming back for round 2). People who don't take the time to do this, just jump from relationship to relationship, and they never improve, and they never learn, and they will be having the same relationships when they're 30 as they did when they were 17. Yuck!

 

The only bit of information regarding her that should matter to you is that she is not with you and apparently not attempting to repair things either. Whether she is still upset over things that happened about you, or ready to marry someone else, or moving to a different country, none of it should matter to you.

 

I would be careful about confidently assuming that she's going to regret all of this and come back to you. Don't set yourself up for more heartbreak. Even if you two did try again, it should only be after a period of time spent apart, after you have both thought things over and are ready to do the hard work it will take to repair things. You touched on it yourself, even if she came back right now, it could be because she's upset that her new guy didn't work out. Does that sound like a good starting point for a new try between you two? No. Neither is it a good re-starting point if you sat there for 5+ weeks and just missed her and wondered about her and didn't do anything better with your time. You should be enjoying life, seeing friends, reading books, catching up on movies, exercising, taking care of yourself, and if life ever decides to bring to two back together, you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

Try to move on. I know it's not easy.

 

Exit,

Great articulation! I completely agree, COMPLETELY.

Acceptance, I completely feel what you are going through as same thing happened to me, in about one month or less after breakup, he took the leap and found another.

I know your angry, disgusted, sad, hoping, wishing, maybe even denying.....

You will go through the process, until, at some point, like your name, you will ACCEPT the reality of it all, and you will be ok.

 

I was obsessing, full of anger, sadness, shock, etc, etc. After your heart and mind are exhausted, you will be ok, or as I call it, functional enough to see past it and concentrate on the core issues and deal with it to heal.

 

People who avoid the pain, that cant face the problems and the depression, unfortunately do turn to another. This, if anything, should be a sign of what they would do when times are tough, what is their character really like?

Do you really want to be with someone that is so week minded and emotionally in denial? It just shows how they deal with situations.

 

It basically gives you insight into their decision making process, how strong is their character if they can just "jump" into a situation that is clearly explosive and full of baggage.

 

My friends tend to think, that rebounding, is like putting your emotions and feelings on hold, if or when that new thing is over, you have so much more baggage to deal with and so many old unresolved issues to face.

 

Even runners eventually have to stop running.