GovnaWatts Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Righto, GovnaWatts here with quite a situation on his hands. So I've been asking around my friends and no one really seems to know what to do. And I am just dumbfounded. So the story, A girl that lives a few hours from me has family in my neighborhood, whenever she visits them she ALWAYS only hangs out with me. We like each other a lot. A few months ago, she was in a cheerleading accident where she got kicked in the head and knocked out and suffered some brain damage with the combination of the concussion and the failed surgery. She is totally normal and can function fine, but has very bad amnesia. I didn't know of this until this past weekend she told me to not feel bad if she didn't remember something because of her condition. We had the best time together this weekend, hung out for 3 days straight almost all day every day. Wrote songs on guitar, went out to restaurants, saw movies. Became a bit more than just "friends." The day she's supposed to go back home I get a call from her mother saying she won't call or text me back because she's extremely embarrassed she can't remember anything from the past 3 days! Not one thing! This killed me inside. I called her and she acted so shy as if she barely knew me. I talked to her the past few days on the phone and she seems really down and depressed about the situation. I feel so bad for her and am concerned about her mental state and her safety. I don't want her to commit suicide, as she told me she almost did at one point in the emergency room during the surgeries. (Of course she doesn't remember telling me any of this.) We had deep conversations the whole weekend and learned a lot about each other and now I'm the only one with the memory. I'm thinking of driving to her city this coming weekend or the next just to see her again. I feel we had gotten so far this weekend, practically to the point of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, and now it's like starting off at square 1 again. I had kissed her over the weekend and she doesn't remember, I'm not sure if I should tell her or not because it might freak her out since she can't recall one thing. Any suggestions on what to do would be greatly appreciated.
Author GovnaWatts Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 I also want to emphasize that she does not remember anything from the weekend I spent with her. She didn't even know where she was the morning she woke up to go home.
oaks Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 If you're going to see this girl again I don't think you should hide from her the fact that you kissed. I'm not sure how best to have that conversation (!) but it doesn't seem fair that you should know and she doesn't especially if you'd like to develop a relationship with her. Do you know her mother well enough to talk to her about any of this (perhaps not the kissing part)? There are probably charities that can offer support to family/friends of people who have suffered from brain trauma and amnesia - might be worth doing some research in to that . For example there is The Brain Injury Association of America but I'm not sure exactly what support they can give. (I don't have any direct experience of this, so my advice might not be the best available, but good luck!)
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 The day she's supposed to go back home I get a call from her mother saying she won't call or text me back because she's extremely embarrassed she can't remember anything from the past 3 days! Not one thing! How did her mom know to call you?
Author GovnaWatts Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 How did her mom know to call you? Well the Mom said she woke up balling because she had no clue what had happened the past few dalys. She wouldn't text me back because of her embarrasment so the mom called me to let me in on the scoop.
Author GovnaWatts Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 If you're going to see this girl again I don't think you should hide from her the fact that you kissed. I'm not sure how best to have that conversation (!) but it doesn't seem fair that you should know and she doesn't especially if you'd like to develop a relationship with her. Yes, i agree I should tell her. How to tell her is the problem.
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Sounds like the movie 50 First Dates. Are we being punk'd? Because that was my first thought.
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Realistically - it doesn't seem like this will work out. Too many obstacles to get through and you've only started dating.
Author GovnaWatts Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 Sounds like the movie 50 First Dates. Are we being punk'd? Because that was my first thought. I know this is just like that movie but the only bonus i that she remembers me because I've known her for about 3 years. And this is in all seriousness, I'm not kidding around.
FrostFire Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 GovnaWatts, the real serious question you have to ask yourself are you willing to do this for the rest of your life? You're only young once and there are many other opportunities passing you by. Are you sticking around because you feel sorry for her? I'm not trying to be rude but I am trying to get you to realize that this is the way it's going to be. If you can answer this question with a full on 10000% YES without giving it any thought then that's your decision and I'm sure you will love her for everything and more. However, if you find yourself questioning the relationship even for just a moment with doubts then you have some thinking to do. Please give this decision (no matter how long you've been together) some serious contemplation.
Author GovnaWatts Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 GovnaWatts, the real serious question you have to ask yourself are you willing to do this for the rest of your life? You're only young once and there are many other opportunities passing you by. Are you sticking around because you feel sorry for her? I'm not trying to be rude but I am trying to get you to realize that this is the way it's going to be. If you can answer this question with a full on 10000% YES without giving it any thought then that's your decision and I'm sure you will love her for everything and more. However, if you find yourself questioning the relationship even for just a moment with doubts then you have some thinking to do. Please give this decision (no matter how long you've been together) some serious contemplation. Huh? Now I nevers said I was to marry her...
Cee Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I think the best bet is to be platonic friends. You can be a friend to her and her mother for many years to come. You can read up on traumatic brain injury and become skilled at knowing what to say and do. Read up on traumatic memory loss and see if you can find testimonials on the internet. I don't know the course of her healing or whether she will ever regain her memory. But you can be there in the moment for years to come. I also suggest that you befriend her other close friends. All of you can be a community for her and cheer her on.
Author GovnaWatts Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 I think the best bet is to be platonic friends. You can be a friend to her and her mother for many years to come. You can read up on traumatic brain injury and become skilled at knowing what to say and do. Read up on traumatic memory loss and see if you can find testimonials on the internet. I don't know the course of her healing or whether she will ever regain her memory. But you can be there in the moment for years to come. I also suggest that you befriend her other close friends. All of you can be a community for her and cheer her on. I suppose this is the best solution. It seems as though her memory was getting a lot better but this was the first big amnesia incident in a while. That's why her mom was so worried and called me to ask if anything had happened the night we went out. Like if she hit her head or anything. But from what I saw, she was completely fine the whole night.
Author GovnaWatts Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 It is pretty sad knowing she won't remember this weekend though. Might as well been all a dream.
FrostFire Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) You chose to be with this girl and befriended her despite knowing this. Now you're here because it seems like you're looking for a way to let her down or get out. Yes it does suck. So if you don't like it then be done with it. You're scared of telling her how you really feel? Yes it's frustrating. I wouldn't wish this upon myself and your situation makes me question if something ever happened like that to me would I be able to handle it. I don't know man.. What I do know is you're one damn strong man to hang in there. Do what you feel is right for yourself and be honest to yourself. I never said you were going to get married to her but I assumed you have been dating for awhile so that was the reason for my initial post. Basically, I'm trying to say it seems like you want to break up with her in terms of boyfriend/girlfriend. So remain friends but if it's more than friends then you're only going to be in a world of hurt each time she forgets about the "special moments." If you can deal with that fact then keep on trying and see where it gets you. Edited June 2, 2011 by FrostFire
Author GovnaWatts Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 If you're looking for sympathy from us of your situation then don't. We're not here to feel sorry for a situation you got yourself into. You chose to be with this girl and befriended her despite knowing this. Now you're here because it seems like you're looking for a way to let her down or get out. Yes it does suck. So if you don't like it then be done with it. You're scared of telling her how you really feel? Yes it's frustrating. I wouldn't wish this upon myself and your situation makes me question if something ever happened like that to me would I be able to handle it. I don't know man.. What I do know is you're one damn strong man to hang in there. Do what you feel is right for yourself and be honest to yourself. I never said you were going to get married to her but I assumed you have been dating for awhile so that was the reason for my initial post. Basically, I'm trying to say it seems like you want to break up with her in terms of boyfriend/girlfriend. So remain friends but if it's more than friends then you're only going to be in a world of hurt each time she forgets about the "special moments." If you can deal with that fact then keep on trying and see where it gets you. I never said I was looking for a way to get out or let her down. Where did you get that? I'm just seeing what other people would do if they were in this situation. We haven't been dating regularly, just occasionally when she's in town. I really like her but am at a crossroad in my decision of what to do.
FrostFire Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Your crossroads have been given to you by me and others: 1.) Stick around and deal with it. 2.) Break up and maintain your sanity Those are your crossroads. If it were me I could not deal with this and would tell any woman this instead of leading them on. Unfortunately you can't lead this one on because she forgets due to her accident which is truly sad for both of you. Others have advised to remain friends and stop falling for this girl when there are so many others out there. I can tell you're trying to do the right thing but what do you believe to truly be the right thing? Realize whatever you choose to do it will be right because YOU made that decision. Good luck and I might had been a bit rough on you. My apologies sir.
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