Stupidgirl87911 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I've known this man for ten years. He's older. We are both married with kids. I've always admired him because he's nice, but never any romantic feelings. I found out that my H cheated and I was devastated and lost all the purpose of marriage. After that I started having feelings for this friend. I confided and him my devastation and all of a sudden he offered help with everything, he even said that he can anything I want him to be. We talked on the phone while he was on a out of town trip for hours, he kept telling me how much he wished I was there and the places he wanted to show me. When he got back he got me flowers and tried to kiss me, but I rejected him. One way or another, he convinced me that he's been in love with me for ten years. I was touched and maybe because he's also my boss that I didn't know how to say No. So the affair started in his office, in his home, the park, in the car. I felt cheap and stupid, and at the same time I felt sorry for him because he treats his wife like a queen but she is lazy and wastes money. I tried so hard to end it but he always manage to reign me in with his emails and letters and he said i was the best, I enjoyed pleasing him. I regretted each time and finally I ended it and quitter my job. He kept emailing me, testing me, calling me, sending me photos of him announcing his love for me. But I couldn't keep lying. I knew if I told him directly that I want to end it, he would convince me otherwise. So I gradually ignored is calls, texts, emails, deleted our private email account. Still he finds every reason to get me to talk to him using work as excuses. After two years of ending the relationship, I received emails from his wife and theyd were explicit emails we've exchanged. She found the emails, phone calls, videos and pictures. I don't know why he kept them. I am angry at him for keeping the evidence but I feel more guilt that she is in this situation. All she said was she's disappointed and that I can have him if I wanted. She doesn't even give him a second chance or feel any pain that she might lose her H. She harassed me in more than 20 emails, and I took it, said how sorry I was and I was just a cheap thrill for him. She said, yes, you were and that he thought I was not even good looking or that he even had a good time. I don't care what he thinks of me, I just want them to work things out. I was stupid and selfish to cheat and lie on the people I love. I am such an idiot. I wish she'd start harassing me, saying that I seduced her H by confiding in him and that he was not in my league because I'm nothing but a whore.
seren Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Whoa!! You are not a whore, please don't think of yourself that way, ever. I don't condone A's, I am an XBS after all, BUT, no way should you be made to feel like this. You had an A with a MM, yes, but that doesn't make you a whore. I hope some of the OW on the board come along and help you with advice. Mine would be to realise that the MM was an ass and that you made a bad decision, end of. Learn from it and move along, the BS will look to blame you and will lash out at you, you don't have to listen or respond. Just learn from it and love yourself for who you are. Take care xx
Gentlegirl Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Hello, You are not a whore. You ARE an idiot ,like I was for sure but you will get over your idiot stage and hopefully learn from it. I'm 64 and I was the biggest idiot under the sun. I have come down to earth now and I will never go the A path again. I am probably old enough to be your mother but it didn't make me immune to a sweet talking liar. All the best, Look after yourself, you are all you have in this life. Gentlegirl
swimmingfreely Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Things happen, life is about lessons if you ask me. Why are you beating yourself up, why do you care what him or his W think. YOU ARE NOT A WHORE !! don't even say that !! Just take this as a lesson of something you don't want to do again and keep it moving. Good luck my dear !! Do something nice for yourself today please....
TigerCub Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Don't let people tell you what you are. You made mistakes, everyone does (we don't all make the same kinds of mistakes) but we all f**k up. The one thing I don't understand is why you stayed with your H after he cheated if things never got back to a good place? But I guess that's for another discussion. Whatever, your xMM's wife is very understandably hurt and she wants to lash out you, and the more she lashes out at you, and the more blame she puts on you, the easier it is to forgive him. As for the crap that she told you (with regards to what he said about you) - well he could either be just saying that to her because she found out and he panicked and he's trying to minimize it or she's making it up because she wants to hurt you for hurting her. At the end though, its been over for 2 years(?) who cares what that guy thinks anyways. I understand that you feel bad for her, but what's done is done. Learn from your mistakes, do your best to be a good person and never let anyone tell you what and who you are - you know the kind of person you are and if you made a mistake, you're not the first. so what's going on with your M right now?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I felt sorry for him because he treats his wife like a queen but she is lazy and wastes money. I'm nothing but a whore. If I had a dime..... You felt sorry for him because his wife is lazy and wastes money, yet he brings other women into their home to screw? How is that being a nice man? See, he needed you to believe his wife deserved that treatment from the two of you, just like he needs her to believe that you are a whore. The truth is he's an azzclown and you fell for it being in a vulnerable situation and he was happy to take advantage of that. You've apologized to his wife which is all you can do. You can't turn back time. You owe it to yourself to move on and get this behind you. You are the only one who can do that for you, and you can't help them! Obviously he's still spinning lies, probably has another OW by now. That's their problem... Get on with your life and be glad you had the good sense to end it when you did.
spice4life Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 If I had a dime..... You felt sorry for him because his wife is lazy and wastes money, yet he brings other women into their home to screw? How is that being a nice man? See, he needed you to believe his wife deserved that treatment from the two of you, just like he needs her to believe that you are a whore. The truth is he's an azzclown and you fell for it being in a vulnerable situation and he was happy to take advantage of that. You've apologized to his wife which is all you can do. You can't turn back time. You owe it to yourself to move on and get this behind you. You are the only one who can do that for you, and you can't help them! Obviously he's still spinning lies, probably has another OW by now. That's their problem... Get on with your life and be glad you had the good sense to end it when you did. I totally agree with this and so should you OP (won't call you by your username, which you should change btw). Hey, you made a mistake and corrected the situation and now he is someone elses problem; not yours anymore. As long as you learned from the experience then you are ten steps ahead of others who never learn from their mistakes. I know a few people in life who go through life making the same mistakes over and over (judging others, back stabbing you name it) and never learn yet blame others for their problems..be happy you aren't one of them. The truth is, the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself and that you are only human and vulnerable at times. We all are. So who cares what others think because they aren't living your life...you are! It's not healthy to think such things of yourself and you should get into counseling to figure out why you feel this way. It was only a mistake, it happens so grow from it and move on. Your exMM is nothing more than an idiot who preys on vulnerable people to feed his own selfish ego. Remember that when you start to beat yourself up for falling for his shizz. If his wife or anyone else hassles you this long after the fact, let her know that you have risen above it and moved on and have no desire to be with a man like him. Their problems are no longer yours. Period. Good luck.
GorillaTheater Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 You're not a whore, nor are you stupid if you've learned from this and can remember and pass down the lesson. How are things in your marriage? Are you and your H working to restore and rebuild or did it end in divorce?
half_ofa_heart Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Please Please Please change your user name and stop calling yourself that!!!! There is soooo much judgement in this world why do you need to add to it? especially about yourself??? It was a mistake and you realized it and got out or at least tried (been there done that more times than I can count). Seriously, you shouldn't beat yourself up over it and allow her to do it as well. Remorse is one thing, but don't allow anyone to mistreat you. Keep your head up high hon... this will pass and you will have learned from it.
daisy love Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Who cares what the wife thinks? What do YOU think? Stop letting someone who doesn't know the real deal try to put ideas into your head. If you love this man, then GO AFTER HIM!
Mimolicious Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Who cares what the wife thinks? What do YOU think? Stop letting someone who doesn't know the real deal try to put ideas into your head. If you love this man, then GO AFTER HIM! Yes, do that StupidG. Also, make sure to gee some tuition out of him too. At least you wont be "lazy" spending his money. Bunch of clowns... Look up the definition of the word, if it applies to your lifestyle and behavior then it is what it is. Learn from your mistakes. Good luck!
waytogo Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I've known this man for ten years. He's older. We are both married with kids. I've always admired him because he's nice, but never any romantic feelings. I found out that my H cheated and I was devastated and lost all the purpose of marriage. After that I started having feelings for this friend. I confided and him my devastation and all of a sudden he offered help with everything, he even said that he can anything I want him to be. We talked on the phone while he was on a out of town trip for hours, he kept telling me how much he wished I was there and the places he wanted to show me. When he got back he got me flowers and tried to kiss me, but I rejected him. One way or another, he convinced me that he's been in love with me for ten years. I was touched and maybe because he's also my boss that I didn't know how to say No. So the affair started in his office, in his home, the park, in the car. I felt cheap and stupid, and at the same time I felt sorry for him because he treats his wife like a queen but she is lazy and wastes money. I tried so hard to end it but he always manage to reign me in with his emails and letters and he said i was the best, I enjoyed pleasing him. I regretted each time and finally I ended it and quitter my job. He kept emailing me, testing me, calling me, sending me photos of him announcing his love for me. But I couldn't keep lying. I knew if I told him directly that I want to end it, he would convince me otherwise. So I gradually ignored is calls, texts, emails, deleted our private email account. Still he finds every reason to get me to talk to him using work as excuses. After two years of ending the relationship, I received emails from his wife and theyd were explicit emails we've exchanged. She found the emails, phone calls, videos and pictures. I don't know why he kept them. I am angry at him for keeping the evidence but I feel more guilt that she is in this situation. All she said was she's disappointed and that I can have him if I wanted. She doesn't even give him a second chance or feel any pain that she might lose her H. She harassed me in more than 20 emails, and I took it, said how sorry I was and I was just a cheap thrill for him. She said, yes, you were and that he thought I was not even good looking or that he even had a good time. I don't care what he thinks of me, I just want them to work things out. I was stupid and selfish to cheat and lie on the people I love. I am such an idiot. I wish she'd start harassing me, saying that I seduced her H by confiding in him and that he was not in my league because I'm nothing but a whore. I made my mistake to. I am not a whore and neither are you. Is it worth some evaluation of how you ended up in that situation? yes. Whore, no. There was no $ left on your bedside table after service, right? Bad choice yes, whore no.
fooled once Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Unfortunately you are learning a very painful lesson - do not get intimately involved with a married mam! Please stop repeating his bull about his wife being lazy or whatever. You do not live in their house! She told you that you can have him because she wants an honest, decent, respectful, honorable man. And this guy isn't fit to be in the same room with honorable men! If you are done being his mistress, stay out of their lives. You do not owe him or her anymore. I hope you told his wife the truth so she can decide her future with all the facts.
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