betterdeal Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 (edited) I've said things like that to her before and the NC hasn't lasted. This time I'm just over it and done. She can drive by my apartment until she notices that my car is there one day and not the other and come to the determination that I'm still alive. ... Deep down I love her, but right now I need to push that love aside and remind myself constantly that the way she treats me is not fair and I do not deserve it, regardless of my mistakes in the past. As for the guide, I'll take a look, thanks. Fair enough. It's what we say to ourselves that matters. You're right, you don't deserve this. Blame and guilt are not going to solve this problem, so leave them out. Actions like you are taking are what's going to solve this one. You're there. You've disconnected from her. You're moving into the next chapter of your life. Good going, chap. Edited June 6, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
sinnister Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 (edited) I think Art has a point in that you do come across as quite bristly, as though you anger easily. I also think moving on is the long game, but I also think that understanding her better, from wider and wider perspectives as time goes by, can help us to understand (a) what went on and (b) ourselves better, and that helps us to move on. Whilst hyper-vigilance against threats and subsequent snappiness at me, Art et al is an understandable defence mechanism, especially after a particularly traumatic interpersonal relationship where the abuse was mainly emotional, there are better ways to ensure you feel and are safe, secure, confident. This can have positive effects externally. For instance, if someone attacks you, you defend yourself, then they report you to the police and make up a story, the police only have (a) the report (b) any past record of interaction with the police and © how you behave and what you say when they are dealing with you, to judge whether you're the bad guy in this. If you're blowing the lid at them, no matter what the truth is, they see an angry guy, have a report of an angry guy being violent, and put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5. One of the great things about LS is you can practice and learn so much by interacting with different people in different states of mind here, find things that trigger your fear response inside, experiment with different ways to react, apply the assertiveness techniques you learn from books, and all the while, we're not in your real life, so you can vent, make mistakes, switch off, try again and so on. It's been an invaluable tool for me in that sense. I have found posters here who's writing style and ways of responding to aggression I like, and I learn from them. You can too, if you like. If you say so...I'm quite easy with my praise and respect, if that's how I'm approached/wrote to. I have quite a lot of respect for those that are constructive and non-judgmental (as we've all made a few mistakes), but there's quite a few here that take things that shouldn't be too personally. I'm not an ass kisser and I don't back down to a clique dynamic. I am still very humbled and appreciative to people brave enough to share their stories and to those that try to help in any way they can, as we're in the same boat and all sensitive in one way or another. I'm not going to put up a hard shell or act like I know everything about the opposite sex or b/u's as I wish I knew nothing of the latter. We're all here to do what we're all here to do. These days will pass, I will continue to get stronger, n my spirits as well as trying to help others has been rewarding/rejuvenating to me and my own progress. I will just chose to ignore the bs that people bring to make themselves feel better and superior..cause anyone's problems r an easy target to throw back in their faces w/out any real analysis..which I why I ask for their backstories when I"m unsure..not make general blanket statements. Edited June 6, 2011 by sinnister Link to post Share on other sites
Author CFM Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 After my last post she called again a few more times up until about 1am. I continued to ignore the calls and went to sleep. I was woken up to a call at 8am this morning, but she made it private. Knowing it was her on her way to work I ignored it. She texted me again around noon saying "Hey". I waited a couple hours and knew that until I made it clear that I don't want to talk to her she's going to continue to call/text. I texted back asking what she wanted, and she asked if I'm okay. I told her I'm fine and that I have nothing to say to her. She replied to that with "okay...". The conversation ended there and it's been 5 hours with nothing from her. She probably expects me to miss her and come around in a day or two and worst case scenario she'll have to stop by my apartment and butter me up. Too bad, not going to happen this time. I'm just as angry as I was Saturday night. Thinking of who she is now disgusts me. I know she's going to get herself hurt and come crawling back and I know I sure as hell won't be there for her then. Life is sure going to suck without "the only guy who will give me anything I want" (her words a week ago). Disgusted. Angry. Done. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Good going. This is becoming about you, which is what it is about. If you aren't going to change your number, put your phone on airplane mode at night. Getting undisturbed sleep is important. Link to post Share on other sites
gallop30 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 ex'es have everything we want them to have. maybe we might have the same traits,who knows and who cares. the life we're living is about us and only about us,nobody shout interfere with that BPD or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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