Darkn355 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) I was traumatized ever since I was in middle school because of rejection by my peers. Thus, I developed selective mutism. (There are probably other variables to take into consideration but bullying was probably the most responsible for my problem) Selective mutism is a disorder where a person stops speaking in all or certain social situations. I'd stop speaking in school and only write notes to my peers and teachers. Pretty much I lived knowing that I could speak, but I spoke to nobody. I had no friends and I still don't. I never bothered to get to know my parents or bond with them. I had no interest in ANY activity that went on in the world but now I'm interested in art. I didn't put myself in many social situations for those eight years. It's pretty much like living on an island alone for your whole childhood and one day getting off to have to talk to these aliens that you don't even know how to communicate with. You don't know how to hold a pencil or spoon right. You have no idea what happened yesterday or even bother to care. You don't care if your parents die because you never bonded with them. You don't know why the Raven's football team is so damn popular. Heck, what is football anyway? You don't know why sex feels so good. You don't have any curiosity in your mind about regular things that go on in the world anymore. You don't care to explore anymore because you don't even exist. This has been going on for eight years. I still find it hard to initiate conversations unless I plan for the conversations, which isn't my goal. I want my relationships to be GENUINE and not fake. I want them natural. Unfortunately, I don't think I can be natural the way I am. How the hell can a person who didn't talk for eight years be natural? Anyway, I managed to ask a girl out and I'm afraid that I don't have a personality because I literally don't exist in a sense that I am uncivilized. If I don't exist, how do I even get to know this girl and how do I get her to know me? I could plan all my conversations ahead of time but that would be defeating the purpose. So many people say that they have social anxiety, this or that, and they make up excuses saying that they'll never have a successful relationship. Well, they really don't know how hard it can be. They can talk even if they're afraid to the point that they will have a panic attack. Like me, I still manage to through hard work and practice. I don't care what it takes. If I don't exist, I'll see my vision through to the end anyway. So that's why I'm aiming to establish a meaningful relationship. I can't talk and I don't even exist. My esteem and self-consciousness is good and I have positive thoughts. However, the fact that I don't exist won't go away. Telling me to plan or ask questions isn't going to help. I need help fast because this is the one thing that might make it possible for me to exist for once in my life. I don't care if this date goes perfect. I just want it to be decent and somewhat satisfy my vision. I'm a perfectionist and I want everything perfect but I realize that it's just putting so much stress on me. All I need is advice to help this date go as smoothly as possible. I'd prefer it if somebody with credibility or a professional can assist me. As mentioned, this is my first date and it's in two days so I don't have too much time for long term solutions. All advice is appreciated. PS: Here's an illustration that might help. Think back to hunting and gathering societies where men and women only had two roles. To hunt and eat. There was no social classes, inequality, war, values, or currency. This is what I am. I am one of them. Everyone lives in the industrial revolution and knows what technology is. I don't. Here's another illustration. A mother locked her 4 year old daughter in a room for more than 20 years. The mother never let her daughter out of the room for all of those years. She only fed her daughter but her daughter did not exist in society. A year later, she was discovered. She couldn't function like others and was that way for the rest of her life. Being born as a baby when she was 20. That's me. So what do I do? Edited June 2, 2011 by Darkn355
Dust Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 The hunter gathers were very social and would have kicked your ass worse then anything that happened to you in school. This isn’t a place that can really help you. Just go out there and try the things you never did. Learn from doing. Get a counselor you can talk to in real life if you think it will help.
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 This is going to sound completely strange but.... A friend of mine had selective mutism and she turned to buddhism. I'm not a religion pusher but she went to Tibet for 5 weeks and came back with a new attitude. She didn't do a complete 180 or anything, not is she annoying and pushes her beliefs on people but something in her changed for the better. She's the only person I've ever heard of who had SM and it really helped her.
ChessPieceFace Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I think you need to see a psychologist. I don't fully understand your disorder but it seems to translate to a lot of baggage and a huge obstacle for any relationship you would try to have. I myself am afraid to express myself for fear of rejection, and basically only engage people in a lot of conversation when they share my interests and I know they will be interested in what I have to say. I've never heard of the disorder you mention, I can relate in some ways but I dunno. I don't enjoy talking about random things, I don't talk very much BUT I CAN if I force myself or sometimes if I am lacking sleep and my brain chemicals are different that day, making me talkative and putting my emotions closer to the surface. Normally though I just prefer thinking to talking, and it is fairly pronounced. Dunno if that's similar to your situation.
Janesays Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I don't think you need a successful date with a girl as much as you need a counselor. Priorities!
Mrlonelyone Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I agree that the OP needs psychological help. There is no shame in getting such help. Look at it this way. You hardly talk to anyone, asked a girl out and she said yes the first shot. Your at 100% success (or close to it). How about guys who talk plenty and have personality and never get a yes? So in that sense your doing better than quite a few people.
Author Darkn355 Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Good news. The date went well. It wasn't a fairytale, but pretty good. I was just so dang neurotic until I realize that I just wanted everything perfect. Thanks for your advice everyone.
TheLawmaker Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Good news. The date went well. It wasn't a fairytale, but pretty good. I was just so dang neurotic until I realize that I just wanted everything perfect. Thanks for your advice everyone. Good! And you're much better off than guys, like me, who haven't dated or asked out many girls.
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