Lita5051 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I posted my story earlier, and I am curious as to other's stories when the MM/MW simply disappeared/fell off the planet. Not after a fight or DDay. But, simply vanished in the course of the affair when things were seemingly going well. Has this happened to you? Did you ever hear from the MM/MW again? Did you ever get a "reason"? How did you deal with the abrubt ending? This may already be a dsicussion thread, but I am new to the group and didn't see anything similar. Thank you, just working through the process...
Silly_Girl Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I posted my story earlier, and I am curious as to other's stories when the MM/MW simply disappeared/fell off the planet. Not after a fight or DDay. But, simply vanished in the course of the affair when things were seemingly going well. Has this happened to you? Did you ever hear from the MM/MW again? Did you ever get a "reason"? How did you deal with the abrubt ending? This may already be a dsicussion thread, but I am new to the group and didn't see anything similar. Thank you, just working through the process... It happened to me. And knocked me for six. We were 'days from him moving out'. Except we weren't, clearly. He had gone away for an event with his wife and things had been shifting between them slowly (I.e. things - superficially - improved loads with me on the scene when she didn't know of me). He bottled it and had zero contact, and I hated that approach. I'm a big believer in being able to deal with ANYTHING as long as I know wtf is going on. Mysteries don't thrill me. I managed to elicit an email from him that said he just couldn't do 'it' at that point. Then he was NC because, he said, he had nothing negative to say about me/us, nothing positive to say about changing his circumstances at that time and really prolonged contact would just be keeping an affair going, an affair I'd made clear I no longer wanted to have. So there were triggers, yes, but I naively never saw it coming and thought everything was great. It was a very hard process emotionally. Not my worst, but it was difficult. That's when I joined LS.
Beeotch Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) I posted my story earlier, and I am curious as to other's stories when the MM/MW simply disappeared/fell off the planet. Not after a fight or DDay. But, simply vanished in the course of the affair when things were seemingly going well. Has this happened to you? Did you ever hear from the MM/MW again? Did you ever get a "reason"? How did you deal with the abrubt ending? This may already be a dsicussion thread, but I am new to the group and didn't see anything similar. Thank you, just working through the process... Yea it happened...he abruptly ended it and for a whole year we didn't speak. I actually moved on and got a boyfriend and everything and there was part of me that thought maybe he'd eventually say something but it wasn't a daily concern. Initially, every text alert, every phone ring, everytime I checked my inbox I would hope it was him. Anyway, exactly a year later he did end up emailing me on my birthday wishing me a happy birthday and explaining why he disappeared and how he knew he couldn't have broken up with me amicably and still be friends because he still wanted me and that he thought it best for him to just disappear and a whole bunch of stuff. I don't think that was the TOTAL truth, I do think some type of him being found out or something arose as well. But in any case...I did move on and the message was a surprise as I had stopped caring. I sent him an email when it initially happened and he never replied but somehow after the email, I felt better and let it go. Your situation seems like there was lots of sexual chemistry and not this strong development of an emotional bond overtime so it might be weird to email this person some heartfelt message depicting your hurt because while NO unavailable man is obligated to you, at least in some scenarios there seems to be more of an obligation, due to time and emotional attachment on both parts, to say something. I don't think his answer will give you closure and satisfy you so I think you should perhaps write an email to him but don't send it and just dive into your own growth versus waiting for him to reappear. Some wise words from that great site I told you about: ‘Disappearers’ exit either permanently or for a period of time, returning often without warning or explanation to manage down your expectations and train you to expect that they’ll disappear. They may press The Reset Button. They tend to be either avoiding conflict, panicking about delivering on grand promises, juggling another relationship etc And I thought it helpful to also post what The Reset Button act is: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-someone-keeps-presses-the-reset-button-on-your-relationship/ The ‘reset’ button in relationships is where the user seems to believe they have an ability to reset the relationship to whatever point that they feel most comfortable with, which is effectively like erasing the past. With their assumptive, passive aggressive and outrageous attitude, they operate in a little bubble where they can run around doing and saying what they like and then bamboozle their way around your protests and requests to talk. These people don’t like ‘dwelling’ which is a codeword for basically thinking about, discussing, or doing anything that might cause them to connect with their actions and realise that they have behaved in less than a favourable manner to the people they are involved with. They don’t like to be challenged and will try to penalise you through sulking, withdrawal, and creating conflict so that you realise it’s not worth the aggravation and ‘give in’. People who use reset buttons: Disappear for periods of time and return unchallenged. Leave you for someone else and then start calling you up or trying to see you behind their back. Have zero respect for boundaries. Have little or no empathy for you or others. They’re me, me, me, it’s all about me. Make promises and then renege. Expect to be forgiven even when they have no intentions of being any different. Have people to default or fallback on who will always be receptive to them. Expect to have their promises that they have changed to be accepted even though they refuse to acknowledge or accept what the issues were. Share the burden of their behaviour by blaming everyone else but themselves for their actions. If they can’t blame people, they blame ‘obstacles’ that don’t exist. Edited June 2, 2011 by Beeotch
TurboGirl Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 No answer IS THE ANSWER. Yes, it totally sucks... and is totally rude and immature. He does not care about how you feel or that you are hurt. But look at what you are dealing with here. A MM who cheated a few weeks before the wedding and is STILL at it. Honesty & maturity is not this guy's strong suit. Suggest working on yourself, OP. Something is missing. Focus on yourself and when a thought of this xMM pops into your head, refocus. It hurts, yes yes yes I know. This xMM is just who is he is. He would treat anyone that way! Look at the way he treats his wife! When you step back and get it all in perspective which will take some time, you will see things quite differently than you do at this moment. At least I know that is true for me, anyway. I'm happier & stronger than I've been in a long time.
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