cjyoung1993 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Hi, so my relationship ended with my long term girlfriend of 3 years after a shaky and bad break up (she made out with another guy, tried to get back with me, got back with me then met another guy...). This other guy is the problem... He seems like a nice guy no problems, decent looking, things going for him. And I think she sees him as an upgrade or something and its hard on my self esteem I feel inferior, I have lots of good friends and a seemingly good personality (says other people) but I lack achievements and skills that make me stand out that other people have... I just feel really down and bad about this whole thing and like I'll never find another girl liker her again:( ahhh I just had to post cause I was feeling down and I love the LS community! Thanks
Fedor Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I'm sorry man but things will get better. Try not to compare yourself to this other dude and just live your life. She's missing out on you if anything.
Kodo Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Hi, so my relationship ended with my long term girlfriend of 3 years after a shaky and bad break up (she made out with another guy, tried to get back with me, got back with me then met another guy...). This other guy is the problem... He seems like a nice guy no problems, decent looking, things going for him. And I think she sees him as an upgrade or something and its hard on my self esteem I feel inferior, I have lots of good friends and a seemingly good personality (says other people) but I lack achievements and skills that make me stand out that other people have... I just feel really down and bad about this whole thing and like I'll never find another girl liker her again:( ahhh I just had to post cause I was feeling down and I love the LS community! Thanks Well then let's talk about you. Stop comparing yourself from others. Answer this, what is your occupation? Where do you see that occupation in 5 years time? And give me 3 things about your personality or useful skills that you KNOW you have and find yourself doing often. Do you have a silly sense of humour that most people don't? Are the one who always fixes everything around the house? And here is a twisted thing. she saw another guy, then came back t o you. She's using YOU as a benchmark to judge other guys. It's a sick compliment and take advantage of that. Forget her and soon she'll realise without you she has no way to judge a guy.
MrElusive Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Look at what she's doing to you, she's got you questioning your own self-worth. If she can't accept you for who you are then this is fates way of saying she's not the one for you, she's practically done you a favour. Just think of this as a learning curve, don't ever let someone knock you on your self-esteem/self-worth.
Datura Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Count your blessings if you never find another girl like her again. The guy is not the other problem, it's how you are perceiving yourself up against him is what the problem is. Your wounds are fresh, give it time. But don't wallow in self pity or become isolated.
Kodo Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Count your blessings if you never find another girl like her again. The guy is not the other problem, it's how you are perceiving yourself up against him is what the problem is. Your wounds are fresh, give it time. But don't wallow in self pity or become isolated. This. The guy probably isn't even any decent. He's probably sitting there wondering how he got so lucky. When people get emotional like this, they do stupid things. And it doesn't matter who it's with.
heart-broken-shmuck Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Hey man, I definitely relate to this post, I was with my girl for 3 years, she cheated on me 3 times...said she changed and would never do anything like that again, totally screwed with my self value...anyhow I left her finally after way too long of me questioning myself. She ended up sleeping with some other guy right after we broke up and kept begging that I dont leave her and blah blah blah. Heres my point, from everyone elses perspective I have the world at my feet, Im 25, tall, good looking, own my own restaurant, talented musician, drive a nice car, nice, kind, caring...however many times I hear these things...I still feel like ****, because no matter how good I was to her, she still was a terrible girlfriend to me and disrespected me. Ignore the low self esteem, ignore the bad inner dialog...its got nothing to do with you, its the kind of person that she was, and maybe one day she will grow up and be a decent human being, maybe she wont, but the best thing to realize is that shes not your problem anymore and someone out there will appreciate you for all your qualities and attributes and will not just say it, but show you it! Hang in there, I still deal with the same battle but keep at it and time will heal your wounds and self image.
Author cjyoung1993 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 Thanks everyone for your support! I'm just graduating highschool and we were "highschool sweethearts", it was all good until grade 12 then she changed completely...and I still don't understand so I see it as something being wrong with ME. I'm going to Western to learn psychology then doing the Ivey program, unfortunately, the guy she is "dating" is going in the same program as me and her aswell (2 years engineering then 2 years ivey(which is business)) . My self esteem has taken a big hit but I'm continuing to workout, I joined jujitsu and muay thai classes and am going to China by myself or with a couple of friends over the summer. I feel this will take a LONG time to heal, is it easier if I find another girl to just have fun with (but i feel that would be unfair to the girl as I wouldn't like her as much as she would like me)? I would have preferred to have my arm broken and a physical beating as opposed to this and am just searching for anything to fix this. I hope my self esteem will build back up, my friends have been great and supportive and the girls aswell. I have to see her at school every other day and she still smiles at me and emailed me 4 days ago about missing me even though shes clearly interested in the other guy....wtf what's wrong with her??? that put me back quite a bit. How long on average does this take to heal? And I'm so glad that I am not alone on this one, for some reason i cant shake her off her pedestal even though I don't like who she is and I feel as though I will never find another girl better than her. I love her, but strongly dislike her at the same time, is this abnormal?
Kodo Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 My self esteem has taken a big hit but I'm continuing to workout, I joined jujitsu and muay thai classes and am going to China by myself or with a couple of friends over the summer. I feel this will take a LONG time to heal, is it easier if I find another girl to just have fun with (but i feel that would be unfair to the girl as I wouldn't like her as much as she would like me)? It's not unfair if you're honest with her. Maybe she doesn't want the attachement or commitment either? I would have preferred to have my arm broken and a physical beating as opposed to this and am just searching for anything to fix this. I hope my self esteem will build back up, my friends have been great and supportive and the girls aswell. I have to see her at school every other day and she still smiles at me and emailed me 4 days ago about missing me even though shes clearly interested in the other guy....wtf what's wrong with her??? that put me back quite a bit. Once you get out of highschool it makes it easier. You're no longer in that closed environment and the freedom can be refreshing. Ignore her contact. You're obviously aware of how stupid and irrational it is. If he was any smarter and could see what she was doing you think he'd want to be with her? How long on average does this take to heal? And I'm so glad that I am not alone on this one, for some reason i cant shake her off her pedestal even though I don't like who she is and I feel as though I will never find another girl better than her. I love her, but strongly dislike her at the same time, is this abnormal? That's a very individiual question and there is really no answer. Instead of aiming for a magic heal date, just take each day at a time. Play the cards as they are dealt. Then have a milestone reflection and look back on how many days you survived. It's not abnormal to dislike her. That's the logical (and smart) side of you realising her flaws. If you had never met her and weren't in such an emotional state of being right now, those dislikes could easily be what stopped you from dating her in the first place right? Think of those dislikes from time to time.
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