whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Why are you calling my MM and more than that my friend an idiot!!! You are way out of line...No problem you having an opinion but name calling is not acceptable. We are close !! No holds bar, he tells me lots of things that technically are " not my business". Sorry he feels comfortable enough to express them with me....I'm gladly open and willing for him to confide in me in ANY way he feels he wants or needs to.. Friendship above all !! And with that, it's possible that he *may* tell his wife one day about all your personal business. Just ask some exOW on here about finding out what their exMM ended up sharing with their wife. Yet you can get a low blow in on posters on here, be rude, personal attacks, your MM is NOT here posting (OMG you should hear some of the OW on here who have vented and what they've called their MM), so it's not like I'm name calling YOU. Also, you seem to have no problem putting down his wife, how fair is that? It goes both ways.
2sunny Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 If he ever decided to tell her ALL about me I could care less I have nothing to my hide and honestly little to no regrets in my whole life ! YOU have nothing to hide - yet HE hides YOU. not only that but - your original question... think about it - you get him thinking about sex - yet it isn't happening - he goes home and has sex with his wife, not YOU. seems he's getting some hot sex with his wife... makes the marriage steamy.
2sunny Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Seems like he's getting a lot of sex with his hand to me !! If thats steamy I will take bland anyway.. so you DO have sex with him? be clear. you do understand he most likely still has hot sex with his W, right?
bentnotbroken Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 No we don't have sex... He has some sex with the W on and off. He is very honest about it..One time she did something he wanted but most of the time it's not very adventurous for him. He wishes it was more spontanous and frequent and that he didn't have to light a thousand candles every single time..I dont even care if he does sleep with her. I feel he is more emotionally disconnected from her more than anything else. He also texts with his best friend a ton and relays on him for a lot of emotional support as well. Which I think is great !! Not all men have such great male friendships..W is very young and me and Best friend are older and more worldly so I feel that is a lot of him and W issues...! This is so full of something. He is so honest he is a liar.
bentnotbroken Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Because he is involved with an OW everything he says is a lie ?? Where's the support ? Where ever his back bone is.
crazycatlady Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 No we don't have sex... He has some sex with the W on and off. He is very honest about it..One time she did something he wanted but most of the time it's not very adventurous for him. He wishes it was more spontanous and frequent and that he didn't have to light a thousand candles every single time..I dont even care if he does sleep with her. I feel he is more emotionally disconnected from her more than anything else. He also texts with his best friend a ton and relays on him for a lot of emotional support as well. Which I think is great !! Not all men have such great male friendships..W is very young and me and Best friend are older and more worldly so I feel that is a lot of him and W issues...! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Ahhh man thanks for the laugh. Older and more worldly. That's a good one. I don't know the BW. Even if she does love candles for making love (I would recommend a string of white lights, it achieves the same purpose but easier to turn on) that doesn't give it a reason to look down on her. Its romantic and there is nothing wrong with romantic. Lots of people like mood settings when making love. But wait, you wouldn't know that would you dear...you don't have sex with him. Maybe...just maybe...you aren't good enough for him. Good enough to use to get aroused to want to jerk off, but not good enough to risk his marriage having a real affair for. That's probably someone else you haven't a clue about.
2sunny Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 when he divorces her - that's when you will understand if he might make you hid priority. until then - i'd stay out of it. you really have no right to understand the privacy aspect of their M... he is betraying her by telling you HER private info. he'll also tell his next OW all about how bad sex is with you once you might be married... all the while pretending to love and honor his wife (you). if he hates things that much - he should tell HER - not you. that way she can understand WITH him how to change things within THEIR marriage. that is support... get out now before he hurts you in a terrible way. you could still be in this position 20 years from now - wasting your life waiting for him meanwhile listening to him complain about someone he's supposed to love. he's an a$$
bentnotbroken Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 when he divorces her - that's when you will understand if he might make you hid priority. until then - i'd stay out of it. you really have no right to understand the privacy aspect of their M... he is betraying her by telling you HER private info. he'll also tell his next OW all about how bad sex is with you once you might be married... all the while pretending to love and honor his wife (you). if he hates things that much - he should tell HER - not you. that way she can understand WITH him how to change things within THEIR marriage. that is support... get out now before he hurts you in a terrible way. you could still be in this position 20 years from now - wasting your life waiting for him meanwhile listening to him complain about someone he's supposed to love. he's an a$$ Without a back bone which makes him an unstable a$$.
bentnotbroken Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 He is Risking his his marriage by the things he says and the amount of time he spends on me...would you rather your H or BF just have sex with a OW or me super emotionally attached to and express his secrets for months and months to another OW.. I would pick the first... Please study (EA's) before you make assumptions, honestly ! There is another one of those words that makes the contradiction hilarious.
Spices Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I refused to have sex with with him for 3 months. I only slept with him until after he asked his wife for a divorce & moved out of his house. Even then I felt guilty being physical in that way with him. It took a while for me to completely let go with him. When he went back with his wife to try and make things work I refused to even kiss him (we still tried to be friends). It drove him crazy. Only when they split up the second time is when I would let myself kiss him. He's now divorced. I have too much self respect to sleep with somebody who's still in a committed relationship. Even though I handled myself with respect, I still feel bad about it...
Spices Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Thanks Spices.. This makes me definitely want to push for no sex. I am sure it was very hard for you to not give in and I commend you.. You should not feel guilty, you did a great job and maintained your respect. So what is going on with you two now ? Thanks so much, you are truly a rare and strong woman !! Thanks, I try. We're still together and doing well. We both feel thankful to have each other for the moment being. Of course, nothing comes without a price. People who are recently divorced carry a lot of emotional baggage. It's not easy for anybody involved seeing as the wounds are still fresh. He may become depressed at times and occasionally suffer from withdraws which will require him to need space. That's something that you definitely have to accept and prepare yourself for. It won't be the easiest of relationships.
alexandria35 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 No we don't have sex... He has some sex with the W on and off. He is very honest about it..One time she did something he wanted but most of the time it's not very adventurous for him. He wishes it was more spontanous and frequent and that he didn't have to light a thousand candles every single time..I dont even care if he does sleep with her. I feel he is more emotionally disconnected from her more than anything else. He also texts with his best friend a ton and relays on him for a lot of emotional support as well. Which I think is great !! Not all men have such great male friendships..W is very young and me and Best friend are older and more worldly so I feel that is a lot of him and W issues...! From vweb on May 16: He said when they do have sex it is such a production. Candles, wine etc. Also that she in not very adventurous at all ! Hmmm...vweb's MM also complained of candles and lack of adventure. Vweb is moving away soon, just like you are. Vweb has not had sex with her MM just like you. Vweb's MM also has no children, just like your MM. Vweb comes across as very immature and disordered, just like you. Hmmm......
Silly_Girl Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I refused to have sex with with him for 3 months. I only slept with him until after he asked his wife for a divorce & moved out of his house. Even then I felt guilty being physical in that way with him. It took a while for me to completely let go with him. When he went back with his wife to try and make things work I refused to even kiss him (we still tried to be friends). It drove him crazy. Only when they split up the second time is when I would let myself kiss him. He's now divorced. I have too much self respect to sleep with somebody who's still in a committed relationship. Even though I handled myself with respect, I still feel bad about it... I was having a physical relationship with my guy, but after we split up then were looking to reconcile I refused to even meet him for a coffee until he'd told his wife about me - and how long we'd been seeing each other - let alone sleep with him. I wanted her to be in receipt of the same knowledge we were, regardless of the outcome. I'm not sure it drove any behaviour on his part but I'd done the 'affair thing' and didn't intend to do it again so it was for my own peace of mind really.
2sunny Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 let's not feed the troll... she will go away eventually...
jj33 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I think you are in for a great big fall. You havent said what how you expect things to work out in the future once you relocate and you obviously dont have to on a public forum, but it sounds very complicated. The fact that he tells you so much about his sex life with his wife and that you have chosen to put such a big focus on it is a big red flag. He doesnt have any children, if he wanted to leave, he could leave. As the others have said, hes having cyber sex with you and actual sex with her. What does that tell you? And you are only hearing his side of the sexual dynamics TMI And you are lapping it all up. People rarely leave marriages just because someone needed candles and wine to have sex, or because women got older and were less comfortable with their bodies. And look he hasnt either. Hes still sleeping with her. People leave marriages because the relatoinship as a whole is broken. I wouldnt expect a whole lot more from this than more cyber sex if you arent going to do the deed.
bentnotbroken Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I have found a lot of enlightenment in the past year, thank you.. I am very at peace with my soul and that is between me and God.. Almost 10,000 posts ! You really need a new hobby, please get involved with people IRL Breakfast time. :)You have no idea how involved I am or how much I know about you...for real. :lmao::lmao:God and I are good. We have been for a long time now. No leg man....funny stuff.
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 He admits he's very bored and sick of candles.. Plus she hates her own body and doesn't want him to look at it ! You don't know **** ! Btw (EA's) much deeper than you sluts sleeping with MM's & then them still going home to light the candles for their wifes !. So you just called the OW on here sluts, NAME CALLING, hello! Yet you freak out and throw a shi.t fit that I called your MM an idiot. WTF.
bentnotbroken Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 So you just called the OW on here sluts, NAME CALLING, hello! Yet you freak out and throw a shi.t fit that I called your MM an idiot. WTF. Mature isn't IT?
crazycatlady Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 So you just called the OW on here sluts, NAME CALLING, hello! Yet you freak out and throw a shi.t fit that I called your MM an idiot. WTF. Mature isn't IT? You two and coffee are not a good mix! Swimming....I expect you must be swimming against the current, you think you are getting some place, after all you are working really hard at making him attached to you....and yet, if you took a moment to look around you, you would find you are still in the same place you were when you started! Alone, without him. But ... just keep swimming swimming swimming, just keep swimming swimming on.
crazycatlady Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I was having a physical relationship with my guy, but after we split up then were looking to reconcile I refused to even meet him for a coffee until he'd told his wife about me - and how long we'd been seeing each other - let alone sleep with him. I wanted her to be in receipt of the same knowledge we were, regardless of the outcome. I'm not sure it drove any behaviour on his part but I'd done the 'affair thing' and didn't intend to do it again so it was for my own peace of mind really. Silly, I have to admire that attitude. Not even being willing to meet with him until he told his wife everything so all are on the same page. That is an amazing moral stand. Gotta respect that.
waytogo Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 From vweb on May 16: Hmmm...vweb's MM also complained of candles and lack of adventure. Vweb is moving away soon, just like you are. Vweb has not had sex with her MM just like you. Vweb's MM also has no children, just like your MM. Vweb comes across as very immature and disordered, just like you. Hmmm...... Busted I do believe whichever name she is going with actually has some truth. She doesn't have his time, so she just keeps coming back to talk about him and argue about him. I wonder what new name she'll come up with next and how she'll try to alter the story so we don't recognize her
BenThereDunThat Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 OK, let me just try to look at this objectively (you OW SLUTS notwithstanding). I am a young (ish), attractive woman, no children, own my own home, healthy libido. I would just lay down under the covers and never come out if all I could look forward to was some cyber guy willing to mutually masturbate with me. In front of a monitor. Yeah....no.
BenThereDunThat Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Because he is involved with an OW everything he says is a lie ?? Where's the support ? Where's the support? Maybe it got left back there where you called one poster's H a douche. OR....maybe it was when you accused her of being "vanilla" in bed. Whatever. If you are for real, you have the mentality of a 12 year old. Enough already. Get some life experience then come talk to us, OK?
White Flower Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 If he is gonna respect you....I don't think it will be because you refrained from sex. I think if a man TRULY loves you and respects you, then you standing back and saying "I love you but I love myself more to give you your space and time to end things THEN pursue me" would garner a lot more respect and would be a more accurate test as to whether or not someone truly wants you or just wants to have their cake and eat it too. And who says that the emotional bond and commitment isn't part of the cake, or cake itself? It really depends on the needs of the MP. Some are sexual, some are emotional. And the EA is still something the BS won't put up with. I'd rather have the whole package, and enjoy it rather than be frustrated by it.
White Flower Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 So you just called the OW on here sluts, NAME CALLING, hello! Yet you freak out and throw a shi.t fit that I called your MM an idiot. WTF. An OW who calls other OW sluts??? Now that's rich. Tee hee.
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