getsback Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 My ex fiance left me nearly 3 months ago. I havnt seen her since the day she left. She has spoken to me, but every single time I initiated the contact. Because the break up was my fault, in this time I have begged, pleaded, wrote e-mails, sent texts, sent letters etc etc. Such huge mistakes! I have spent countless hours trying to work out what she is thinking, how she is feeling and ways to get her back. I havnt slept or eaten properly. The times I tried to contact her and she didn't reply, I always wondered if it was because she was angry with me, if she didn't care or if she was seeing someone new. As you can see, she has literally been on my mind 24/7! Its been driving me crazy. But tonight, for the first time since the break up, I feel different. I feel relaxed, almost like I know there is nothing more I can do. For the first time, I'm not thinking of ways to get her back or trying to work out what she is thinking. I'm just accepting I'm never going to see her again. I'm probably never even going to hear from her again. And the chances are, she is probably with another man. It almost feels like I just let go all of a sudden....it almost feels like relief? I hope this feeling lasts but I don't really know what it means....
sinnister Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 My ex fiance left me nearly 3 months ago. I havnt seen her since the day she left. She has spoken to me, but every single time I initiated the contact. Because the break up was my fault, in this time I have begged, pleaded, wrote e-mails, sent texts, sent letters etc etc. Such huge mistakes! I have spent countless hours trying to work out what she is thinking, how she is feeling and ways to get her back. I havnt slept or eaten properly. The times I tried to contact her and she didn't reply, I always wondered if it was because she was angry with me, if she didn't care or if she was seeing someone new. As you can see, she has literally been on my mind 24/7! Its been driving me crazy. But tonight, for the first time since the break up, I feel different. I feel relaxed, almost like I know there is nothing more I can do. For the first time, I'm not thinking of ways to get her back or trying to work out what she is thinking. I'm just accepting I'm never going to see her again. I'm probably never even going to hear from her again. And the chances are, she is probably with another man. It almost feels like I just let go all of a sudden....it almost feels like relief? I hope this feeling lasts but I don't really know what it means.... It could be just shock that this is really happening. See how you feel in a couple days/week. It might come back 10 times worse...good job recognizing the mistakes...people us their power of the r/s in strange ways...although they've cried and used guilt when they felt they were "frozen out", amazing how ez it is for them to do it....and make u look like a damned fool. If I'd only knew then.
Nohbody Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 It's part of the grieving process. You will probably swing back and forth for a while, but it's normal and you can get through this.
Beeotch Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 My ex fiance left me nearly 3 months ago. I havnt seen her since the day she left. She has spoken to me, but every single time I initiated the contact. Because the break up was my fault, in this time I have begged, pleaded, wrote e-mails, sent texts, sent letters etc etc. Such huge mistakes! I have spent countless hours trying to work out what she is thinking, how she is feeling and ways to get her back. I havnt slept or eaten properly. The times I tried to contact her and she didn't reply, I always wondered if it was because she was angry with me, if she didn't care or if she was seeing someone new. As you can see, she has literally been on my mind 24/7! Its been driving me crazy. But tonight, for the first time since the break up, I feel different. I feel relaxed, almost like I know there is nothing more I can do. For the first time, I'm not thinking of ways to get her back or trying to work out what she is thinking. I'm just accepting I'm never going to see her again. I'm probably never even going to hear from her again. And the chances are, she is probably with another man. It almost feels like I just let go all of a sudden....it almost feels like relief? I hope this feeling lasts but I don't really know what it means.... Revel in it.... I do know from experience that break ups are a roller coaster and you don't go through each stage in a linear way. Some days you feel great, accepting, indifferent then get slapped in the face a next day by feeling angry, hurt, wanting to confront the person/break NC etc. That was the most frustrating, the ups and downs. However, enjoy it and don't worry about it lasting. With each day, the ups and downs dissipate and you eventually get to a steady place.
Author getsback Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Revel in it.... I do know from experience that break ups are a roller coaster and you don't go through each stage in a linear way. Some days you feel great, accepting, indifferent then get slapped in the face a next day by feeling angry, hurt, wanting to confront the person/break NC etc. That was the most frustrating, the ups and downs. However, enjoy it and don't worry about it lasting. With each day, the ups and downs dissipate and you eventually get to a steady place. Thanks for that. I think a "steady place" is exactly where I'd like to be.
Angie92501 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I have been broken up with my ex for 6 months now. There are times I felt I have accepted the breakup. There will be moments that you will miss her/him, but hang in there. Be patient. It will get better.
sinnister Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Revel in it.... I do know from experience that break ups are a roller coaster and you don't go through each stage in a linear way. Some days you feel great, accepting, indifferent then get slapped in the face a next day by feeling angry, hurt, wanting to confront the person/break NC etc. That was the most frustrating, the ups and downs. However, enjoy it and don't worry about it lasting. With each day, the ups and downs dissipate and you eventually get to a steady place. Yeah..this is exactly what it was like in my case. Like the OP, I did have days of acceptance..but I resented feeling so powerless...not being able to fix it..not having it really communicated in a mature way..and giving benefit of doubt/purpose and not getting it..and it seemed someone was benefiting from this pain..that I wouldn't put through them..then it became a feedback loop. Not to diminish your good day(s) at all. I think the more mature of us accept the powerlessness of the situation better. And I hope you stay in this frame.
Author getsback Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Yeah..this is exactly what it was like in my case. Like the OP, I did have days of acceptance..but I resented feeling so powerless...not being able to fix it..not having it really communicated in a mature way..and giving benefit of doubt/purpose and not getting it..and it seemed someone was benefiting from this pain..that I wouldn't put through them..then it became a feedback loop. Not to diminish your good day(s) at all. I think the more mature of us accept the powerlessness of the situation better. And I hope you stay in this frame. Yeah I think that's what had effected me so badly, the powerlessness. That no matter what you do, its not going to change a thing. But I think that same powerlessness has also brought me to this point of acceptance, however brief it may be.
sinnister Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Yeah I think that's what had effected me so badly, the powerlessness. That no matter what you do, its not going to change a thing. But I think that same powerlessness has also brought me to this point of acceptance, however brief it may be. Yeah..feels like an exam or life challenge that no amount of preparation lets you be ready for..and the more u think u are..the worse it hits u when you find everyone's/situation's unique...n if they think u can win..they'll make u lose so it won't be so easy. Everything's flipped on it's head w/breakups. I wish I'd had this place to vent to when it all happened...saving the ex for substantive, brief contact or stayed NC. Ure doing the right thing and again, I hope you can keep this frame as well. The rollercoaster is hell.
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