vsmini Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 ...when the guy turns out to be a jerk months later? This was mentioned in a past thread and some even went on to say that why bother with marriage when the divorce rate is 50% and the guy could end up becoming a complete AHole 2 years down the line. But really - are there THAT many true surprises in a relationship? I think they are pretty rare. Ok so the 50% divorce rate.... I'm sure it could be explained by 50-60% of the world's population being complete impulsive idiots and NOT LOOKING FOR THE PROPER SIGNS of incompatibility during the first 1-2 years of courtship. SURE stuff happens and people can turn out to be jerks but for the most part....everything is right in front of you when you're dating people, even in the beginning. After I started keeping an eye out for red flags I stopped having relationships where I was just so surprised they did a 180 on me - because truth be told...they really didn't. I think it's rare that a guy just turns around and is a complete jerk overnight. We always want to blame the other person for being an ass but we have to take responsibility too. I've been in denial over countless jerks because I just didn't want to believe it and made excuses for them ALL the time.
utterer of lies Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 50-60% of the world's population being complete impulsive idiots Oh, you're such an optimist.
Author vsmini Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) Oh, you're such an optimist. Ha - yea that was harsh and rant-based. I think the 50% divorce stat gets thrown around as if it just picks people at random "ok - now you're getting a divorce, now you!" Edited June 1, 2011 by vsmini
Fondue Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I should make a thread, "Men, are you really that surprised..." That your became a: - Bitch - Annoying - Nagging - Crazy - Illogical - Obsessive - Talks too much - Etc. I can go on and on, but you get the picture. Seriously, are you really surprised? People (regardless of gender) put up a front to look good. After a while, it starts to shed and the "real" person comes out. This doesn't deserve it's own thread.
Author vsmini Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 I should make a thread, "Men, are you really that surprised..." That your became a: - Bitch - Annoying - Nagging - Crazy - Illogical - Obsessive - Talks too much - Etc. I can go on and on, but you get the picture. Seriously, are you really surprised? People (regardless of gender) put up a front to look good. After a while, it starts to shed and the "real" person comes out. This doesn't deserve it's own thread. Calm down - this isn't a man-hating based thread. Of course you could say the same thing but with the subject being men. Read the post again - it's not saying are you really surprised men turn out to be jerks - period. the point is that everyone should see signs early on.
Sanman Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 No, regardless of gender, you are correct. People need to remember to look at actions clearly and with reason. He/she hesitated to get into a relationship with you? They lied to you? They mentioned cheating on their exes? We let go of many red flags if we like someone and then learn the hard way that we are not usually 'special'.
utterer of lies Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Ha - yea that was harsh and rant-based. I think the 50% divorce stat gets thrown around as if it just picks people at random "ok - now you're getting a divorce, now you!" Actually, I was being serious. My personal estimate is more like 90%.
Author vsmini Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Actually, I was being serious. My personal estimate is more like 90%. I really do wish there was a quantitative way to measure that and get a good STAT on USA moron readings. Not saying people who get divorced are morons. I'll cover myself on that one.
OliveOyl Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 ...when the guy turns out to be a jerk months later? Ok so the 50% divorce rate.... I'm sure it could be explained by 50-60% of the world's population being complete impulsive idiots and NOT LOOKING FOR THE PROPER SIGNS of incompatibility during the first 1-2 years of courtship. SURE stuff happens and people can turn out to be jerks but for the most part....everything is right in front of you when you're dating people, even in the beginning. I disagree. Stuff can happen / people can change years down the line. For example, go from being childless to having kids. Huge change. No way to anticipate how that affects the person/relationship. Relationships and marriages are a risk, period. But what else would we do?
Author vsmini Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 I disagree. Stuff can happen / people can change years down the line. For example, go from being childless to having kids. Huge change. No way to anticipate how that affects the person/relationship. Relationships and marriages are a risk, period. But what else would we do? This is a good point and kids are a serious factor.
Blood Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Children don't change people. Their approach to child raising is determined by their personality. Their personality isn't determined by them raising children. The opposite of the latter is a cop out by unfit parents who can't take any responsibility and are no more than children themselves.
zengirl Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I think in the case of MOST relationships and breakups, it's not as simple as "Well, he/she was a completely horrible jerkface person, and I'm the clear victim who should've known better." I think that's just revisionist history and human nature. In the clearcut cases, there are usually signs beforehand, I imagine.
Blood Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Neither is right or wrong but we still get the topics "Was I right?" or "Was he wrong?"
OliveOyl Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Children don't change people. Their approach to child raising is determined by their personality. Their personality isn't determined by them raising children. The opposite of the latter is a cop out by unfit parents who can't take any responsibility and are no more than children themselves. I'm not talking about whether people are fit to be parents or not. I'm saying that the joys and challenges of raising children is a huge change and stress to a marriage. Like all huge changes (relocation, major career change, illness, etc.) it's often near impossible to predict how the person will deal with it or how it will affect the relationship.
Blood Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Changes are many times used as excuses for relationship failure.
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