cookiecrumbles Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Ok so my gf had broken up with me 3 weeks ago, saying she wasnt 100% in the relationship and didnt know if we had a future and that it wasnt fair on me and she didnt want to hurt me anymore so she ended it. I acted pretty calm while she was explaining herself to me (didnt beg and whine like i did in my 1st relationship). Deep down it hurt but i thought i would keep my composure. Strangely enough after she left i got a text saying I miss you already, which i thought was pretty unfair to say to me after all that. Over the next day or so she would still send me lil texts checking up on me like how you doing? what are you upto today? After these pointless text messages I decided I would initiate NC (its not just the dumper who gets to call all the shots, remember that) so i sent her a text saying look you have decided to let me go so I need my own time to deal with it, i would appreciate if you stopped texting me as I need my own space. she said would would respect my wishes but on the other hand she hated this situation. So I did do NC, then my friend told me theyd met up with my ex and got talking about us and she said how my ex was stumped at how calm i was during the break up and how she really hates not being able to talk to me. After about a week I will admit i caved NC, and sent her text saying I miss my bestfriend, because ultimately thats what we were, and to my surprise she wrote back saying Wow my heart just raced so fast when I saw it was you texting me, i didnt expect it to be you, i miss you too! From that moment i knew she still had something there for me but key thing is not to get your hopes up. After texting a bit we decided to meet up and had a coffee and chilled which was nice but was wierd at same time because we were acting as if we were friends which didnt feel normal. That night we also both went to mutual friends house and hung out and i felt vibes that whole time about us. Going home to an empty bed after that night i felt bit lonely and upset so of course i began texting my ex exactly how i felt, saying how i was angry she just gave up on us and also sad because i thought we had something special and scared this feeling we have for each other will go away, and also how i felt a vibe tonight. I got a reply straight away from her saying how she is so upset she hurt me and that this break up doesnt mean its completely over, she wanted time apart to see if we really do belong together and that she indeed still felt the vibe too. After this I was seriously content with everything because i had got everything off my chest. I simply said ok well i will let it go now (meaning our break up and whatever happens is meant to be). After this i kept contact to a minimum and sooner rather than later came the texts from the ex like i really miss you, i really want a hug from you right now. My reply to these were just suttle like oh yeah that would be nice. But next time we saw each other i didnt make any move and then there it was, my ex grabbed my hand and then that was it, next she kissed me. Next day she wrote me text saying i loved being with you last night it felt like home! and that was it we have been pretty good since then but also taking things slow Sometimes all you need is some time apart, even the best couples need it, to kind of get back your individuality and grow. The saying really is true....let them go, if they come back its meant to be. My point here is really to say, some exes are meant to come back and some just wont, you have to be smart enough to realise if yours is going to or not, if they are fight for them, if their not dont waste your time, get on with your life, work on yourself, it will all work out in the long run because either way you will come out stronger.
Exit Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 You did a great job handling this from the very first minute. Everyone needs to be this way! No matter how badly you want to be with someone, you have to allow them the option to leave when they feel they need to. Respect that they have a mind and a heart, and don't force your desire to be with them onto them. Sure you can tell them you disagree and you hope it can work out, but maintain your composure and look how it turns out! I thought I learned this lesson 2 years ago when I chased someone for an embarassing 5 months and now I can probably never speak to her again even as friends, it got that ridiculous. Now this time, my ex left, and we've had 2 months of contact and frustration and confusion but I am finally letting it go. I should have known better this time. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me three times ain't gonna happen! For the rest of my life, no matter how many times I get my heart broken, I will keep it drilled into my head that I need to let it go calmly. Good things will happen regardless. Either you immediately start moving on and the person never comes back and that's that, or they realize they are DUMB for leaving and then you have the upper hand. It becomes so obvious after screwing it up a couple times. I'm no longer one of the people who wants to rationalize "but I need to talk to them, but they sent me this text, but they need to know I care, but bringing her flowers will help". If you didn't do anything blatantly wrong, and someone just leaves you, let them leave. I am excited with all that I have learned. And even in the situation I am in now, there are small glimmers of hope that maybe this girl will realize what she is doing, even after 2 months of letting it turn into a mess. But all I can do is be grateful that it isn't a total disaster yet, and regain my composure, and go about my life, and start practicing what I've learned. She can contact me if she wants and we'll see what she has to say, but I am done chasing. DAMN I feel good having said that! Congrats to you cookiecrumbles for handling everything like an adult, and you got your reward.
GettinMeBack Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 You were so strong, I loved your story!! So happy that its workin out for you, thats the way to be!! Keepin your cool and workin on yourself is perfect!! My situation is crazy but Im hopin to become a betta person and if I do get contacted I wanna be in the right mindset to handle it. Once again congrats on your breakthrough and hope you guys make it!!
TaraMaiden Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Now the real work begins. having repaired the break, you need to keep up with the maintenance. Both of you. Effort has to be constant. Many people believe, for example, that a marriage is the culmination of a relationship. It's not. It's like fitting an already great car, with some souped-up accessories to make it really glitzy, shiny and more impressive, aesthetically and mechanically. It actually means MORE maintenance, care and attention. You have to up the ante, because once you 'fit' the marriage, that's when it becomes hard work...
Beeotch Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) Not to be cynical just being realistic from experience...but being used to someone and them feeling like home is not a sign that it is meant to be. Most break ups go through "relapse" periods where it feels safer to go back to what you've been used to and that comfort than to be alone. Did she realize now that you have a future and is she now in the relationship 100%? Because if that didn't change then this same issue may come back up. My ex came back 3 times after we broke up...somewhere on here in 2009 I have a post in this same second chance forum about us...but here I am today, not with him, but glad for it. I did NC, I didn't contact him and thought for sure his coming back was because of his immense love for me especially since I didn't force it...but in reality that was not the case. NOTHING changed. I was his comfort spot. He still cared and missed me but it didn't make the relationship anymore viable.... Anyway, I hope things do work out for you, but I just wanted to point out to you and others that someone coming back esp after a short time is not always the end of troubles. Almost every relationship goes through a back and forth period post breakup where one or both still feel strongly and don't let go although ultimately they know it can't be. I still vividly remember having dinner and the most passionate love making with my ex POST-break up and him coming back and everything feeling so amazing, and things still didn't work out because the root of our problems didn't change and it was all nostalgia and lip service. So please be grounded and don't look at "vibes" and "feelings" (that change like the weather) but the reality: have the issues that lead to the breakup been resolved, what has changed, how has it changed, where are things going, etc. I would ask her exactly what happened in 3 weeks to make her now realize you have a future, don't be scared to ask because if that is the truth she won't be scared to explain it, and if you feel afraid to question it for fear of rocking the boat of her being back, that also is a clue that things may not be on the up and up. Don;t get blindly caught up and be so glad to have the person "back" and to get back into the old routine again that you lose track of what is in plain sight. Edited June 1, 2011 by Beeotch
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