Lilmisus Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 "To my dear Valentine, Since you have been in my life, you have helped change and shape me into who I believe to be a better person. Words can't begin to describe just what you have come to mean to me in the past eight months that we have spent together, since you mean that much. You have helped me find a confidence in myself that I have never known before, and I can't help but to have a complete and total fondness and appreciation for you for that. Although things haven't always been great, simply being with you is. Who you are and everything about you amazes me and is always taking my breath away. I am so lucky and blessed to have you in my life and to be able to call you my Valentine. So, happy Valentine's day ex, I love you." Part of the reason that I held such a strong amount of resentment towards my ex, is the amount of times he let me down. He'd make promises, then break them..leaving me heartbroken. Sometimes, he knew he was hurting me, but turned the other way and ignored it, and in the desperation that I felt in the moment, I turned the other way, and ignored the pain I felt as well. I've said this before, and it's very true: I cried more during the relationship than after it ended. I was an idiot for giving him chance after chance, and I acknowledge that fact now. One of the biggest times he let me down, was on Valentine's day. I wont go over the entire story, so I'll just put a link here for those of you who want to check it out. Anyway! What I wrote at the top, was in part of the card I spent hours working on for him. Literally..for a week, every night I spent a few hours just writing, and drawing, trying to get the card just right..and to put exactly what I wanted to say in it. That, along with a wallet, jacket, and teddy bear, were my Valentine's day gift to him, since we talked about it, and agreed to exchange gifts for Valentine's day. Especially since he didn't get me anything for Christmas or my birthday, and he said he wanted to really make it up to me..and I knew he needed those items (minus the bear..). I was psyched to give him the card, and even posted a thread about it to get feedback from others. It was my way, to tell him that I loved him after waiting eight months..and I was nervous, scared, and excited. He told me he loved me a couple times before that..the most recent, being a month prior when he flat out said that he was falling for me. Valentine's day didn't go anywhere near as planned though, and he let me down in a way that made me hold a huge amount of resentment against him. I never even gave him the card..not even when i gave him the presents a week later. Decided it wasn't worth it..he wasn't worth it. I was going to breakup with him that night, and asked if it was even worth being in the relationship..since I was on the back burner for him. He said it shouldn't be that way, but he swore to change. He never did though of course, and like most of you know..a month later, he broke up with me..finally. I found it today though..while I was looking for my wallet in my dresser. When I saw it..I felt nothing. Not bitterness, resentment, sadness, joy, anger..nothing. I decided to read it again, and it just reminded me that I should be thankful towards him. He never really bought me any gifts..never really took me out on many dates..but he did give me the biggest gift he ever could: my confidence. For that, I'm incredibly thankful. He may have hurt me like no one else has ever done..but he has also helped me in a way no one else has managed. He has been a key into who I am, and who I was meant to be...how can I hate someone who managed to be such a key role into my future? How can I let him or the past damper my bright future? I can't. I can only use him and my past to make my future all the more brighter. Just remember people: learn from your mistakes. As long as you can walk away with one learned thing..then there's no way it was a "failed" relationship. Focus on the goods..not on the bad..no matter how much you want to. For me...the goods far outdo the bad. I was given a gift that I'll carry the rest of my life..and for that, I'll always be thankful towards him..no matter what, or no matter how badly he hurt me.
sun_moon Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 god I wish I could type in detial how similar I felt to you that night, I read your post. Though, reading it just made me sad and brought back many many reminders and memories of how he let me down so many times and hurt me, and this last Valentines day was one of the last straws, towards a snowballing resentment.... Yet for some stupid reason I still loved him and still do. I will come back and explain later, I feel like I read some of my old wounds on here, like I was writing that post, Kind of creepy. I will be back. You seem to be doing better? how long has it been?
Author Lilmisus Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 god I wish I could type in detial how similar I felt to you that night, I read your post. Though, reading it just made me sad and brought back many many reminders and memories of how he let me down so many times and hurt me, and this last Valentines day was one of the last straws, towards a snowballing resentment.... Yet for some stupid reason I still loved him and still do. I will come back and explain later, I feel like I read some of my old wounds on here, like I was writing that post, Kind of creepy. I will be back. You seem to be doing better? how long has it been? I definitely feel you on that. There's some stories on here, that I start reading, and it just sends me back a few months and reawakens the feelings I felt..to the extent that I have to stop reading. It's horrible to experience feeling unappreciated and unwanted, but to relive those feelings after that person is gone, is horrible as well. I'm just thankful that most of the resentment that I felt towards him is gone. I'm doing very well now though. After months of feeling the way that I described in that post, I feel that I have moved past it. It was a part of my life, yes, but it's part of the past. I still love him..a part of me probably always will. But it wont keep me from moving on, and looking forward as I have been doing. I just know that if I could, I would do anything in my power to make him happy..even though he wouldn't do anything for me to just not let me down, as he did numerous times. For me, I think that just makes me the better person here..either that, or the weaker person, depending on your view on it. I'm happy now. So much happier than I was then. I just feel true, honest, sincere, happiness that I haven't known for a very long time, and it feels great, and makes me want to reach out for more, and never let it go. To know that there's someone out there who wont be a total let down and disappointment as he was..is a great way to look forward to the future. But like I said..I will always love him probably, and always be thankful for having him in my life..he was a blessing in disguise, no matter what.
Exit Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Sounds like you are doing good. You are right, as long as you learned a lesson, it served a purpose. I was thinking to myself earlier today, "the more it hurts, the more you're learning". I am devastated about what I'm going through right now but I also know I learned a lot about what to do in the future.
Angie92501 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I would like to thank you for posting your thread. I too was in the same situation. I cried more in the relationship than after the breakup because he never really showed much affection, love and care. My ex is very reserved, doesn't know how to have fun, doesn't know how to be intimate and doesn't seem to know the meaning of emphaty. He never given me any gift or even a card, or any greetings on special occassions. No valentines gift, no christmas gift, no birthday gift, no anniversary gift. I wonder if he really loved me. He has a heart of a rock. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty time, to provide you with guidance and support, To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a god send and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an End. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and forceyou to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, theirwork is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has Come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional Foundation.. Your job is to accept the lesson, Love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other Relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind butfriendship is clairvoyant.
Author Lilmisus Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 I would like to thank you for posting your thread. I too was in the same situation. I cried more in the relationship than after the breakup because he never really showed much affection, love and care. My ex is very reserved, doesn't know how to have fun, doesn't know how to be intimate and doesn't seem to know the meaning of emphaty. He never given me any gift or even a card, or any greetings on special occassions. No valentines gift, no christmas gift, no birthday gift, no anniversary gift. I wonder if he really loved me. He has a heart of a rock. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty time, to provide you with guidance and support, To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a god send and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an End. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and forceyou to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, theirwork is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has Come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional Foundation.. Your job is to accept the lesson, Love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other Relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind butfriendship is clairvoyant. Loved this. Very true I'm sorry though that you went through a relationship somewhere along the lines of what mine was like. It's comforting to know that I wasn't the only one treated that way, but it's not an enjoyed fact to know that others were hurt the way I was. The difference between our exes I think though, is that mine was very outgoing, was a huge party animal, and basically a "sex beast" as some referred to him as. He just had an "ice box" for a heart (that was my nickname, and he stole it). He had little to no empathy (for me) like your ex..whereas I had too much. He taught me a lot though (yes..the hard way), and for that, I think I'll always love him with a part of my heart. Who he is, is an amazing person with a lot of potential that I saw. How he treated me though..makes it to where he can probably never really be in my life again. He definitely came into my life for a reason though..and I'll try to never forget that reason..and I hope you and others do the same with your exes
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