lovebug77 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Hi everyone! I'm new here and need your advice. This story is lonng but here's the short version. Me:33 years old, him 37 years old. We met 4 years ago. It started as all encounters do, exchange of nbrs started seeing one another-casually. After I'd say 6 mths I had really fallen for him. We never had the talk but he did at that point acknowledge he sense my feelings were becoming serious. I confirmed yet nothing was established. Over the next 3years we have gone on trips and seen each other regularly with sleepovers and intimacy. I have communicatied numerous times that I'd fallen in love with him and could not continue seeing seeing him if he didn't want a relationship. So April of 2010 I stopped and didn't see him again until that December. At that mtg he'd tell tell everyone I was his girl blah blah...same BS. I cut him off again. No contact until last week. I missed him terribly and my heart just ached. I've always felt that he loved me but never say it. Why? Who the h$#@@ knows. So I text him. Described a girl(funny, thoughtful, amazing ..perfect ) never said a name but said someone popped into his head right? He replied absolutely. Over several texts he finally said he thought we were talking about me.. I was overjoyed. We agreed to see each other. My heart said GO.my head said NO. So I told him in no uncertain termed that I realize he's nvr going to give me what I want. A relationship. That I love him very much and one day when he wants smthg real, he's regret how he handled things w me. He said we shouldn't see each other. That'd it be to baaed for me. I said no problem. Deleted him. Done. I felt awful. To my surprise 3 days Peter he asks to see me..ughh I'm a wreck but agree. I'm madly in love and want this man. He says he wants to talk. That he wants to save me from d*bags from hitting on me (which I'd complaind to him abt) I tell him I'm not his casual fwb s#x buddy. That there are dfntly strings attached , he knows what I want. Pls do not bring me out to reject me. If that's his plan ..I'm not having it. So I see him. Everything is wonderul to me. We spend hours together once again never having the talk. Buts different. Affectionate calls me pet names, opens doors for me. I'm in deep again. I agree to stay over. We sleep together. He cuddles me holding me all night. Holds my hands in his sleep! Heres where I nd advice. Is this him showing me that were a couple now? He knew my terms ...has he accepted my "strings attached"? what's his deal? Why would continue to see me over 4years knowing I'm in love w him if he didn't love me too?
Cloud Logic Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I tell him I'm not his casual fwb s#x buddy. That there are dfntly strings attached , he knows what I want. Pls do not bring me out to reject me. If that's his plan ..I'm not having it. So I see him. Everything is wonderul to me. We spend hours together once again never having the talk. Buts different. Affectionate calls me pet names, opens doors for me. I'm in deep again. I agree to stay over. We sleep together. Honestly, all that stood out to me was that you gave him sex so easily. I am assuming that it was just this first night that you decided to see him again, but with a bit of sweet talk you already jump in bed? I don't want to be rude but you just seemed easy for him to use you.
Author lovebug77 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Yes you are right. In a perfect world I'd have been better behaved. That being said, am I Misreading somehow his actions? My read is that he loves me and wants to be with me also. Why would he tolerate all my demands and such just for sex. I mean he could easily find that elsewhere. All of the sweet things he does only intensify my attachment. Why put himself through hearing me bring it up again? Wouldn't it be easier to commit to me or just cut me off and move on? Wouldn't it be uncomfortable for him to continue seeing me now that he knows I am in love with him? Why not let me go? Why drag it on this long? There are plenty of women who are ok with a casual arrangement. I only want to make sure I haven't disillusioned my self along the way. Am I wrong to feel loved by him?
vsmini Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 You're really trying hard to find excuses for him to love you. This relationship the two of you have is nothing but a drama-packed nuisance. If he wanted to be in a serious relationship he would have said it. He hasn't and you've given him plenty of time to do so. You also need better communication - I wouldn't trust yourself by "reading" this man - you need flat out answers and you need to ask him. Do you want a real relationship with me? YES OR NO. None of this stupid "well this is complicated, yada yada yada." How much more time are you going to waste with this guy?
bittersweet memories Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 You're really trying hard to find excuses for him to love you. This relationship the two of you have is nothing but a drama-packed nuisance. If he wanted to be in a serious relationship he would have said it. He hasn't and you've given him plenty of time to do so. You also need better communication - I wouldn't trust yourself by "reading" this man - you need flat out answers and you need to ask him. Do you want a real relationship with me? YES OR NO. None of this stupid "well this is complicated, yada yada yada." How much more time are you going to waste with this guy? I totally agree ...
angie16 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 honestly you slept with him again way too soon. You're showing him that you're willing to sleep with him without having the talk after stressing how important being a couple is to you. I am a 32 year old woman and understand the situation you're in - but it sounds like you keep selling yourself short. If he wants to be with you as a couple he wont mind waiting and re-connecting since you guys really were never exclusive even though its been all of these years. I wouldn't see him again until (or if) you have the talk and he says he's game to be exclusive. I know it sucks but that's what it sounds like to me. All he has to do is string you along and you give him sex - why would he commit?
Author lovebug77 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Thank you to all who reply for your honest opinions. The perspective was helpful.
ilovedhim Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 This sounds like he won't be committing. When guys want to be serious they're vocal about it. It's so hard to cut off someone you have strong feelings for but you have to do it for your own sanity. Don't waste anymore time on him. NC, heal, start dating again. Also, I know you're confused because you're getting the I care for you vibes from him. Ignore it. Ignore him. I did this to my ex and he's like a miserable little puppy now contacting me every few days. But guess what I'm seeing someone else now. Cut the drama out of your life.
Recommended Posts