taytay87 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I'm sort of curious... My boyfriend and I are both 25, we've been together ten months. He's my first boyfriend, but he had a girlfriend before me. Well... I think. He never actually talks about her, never even mentions her. EVER! I wasn't even completely sure he one, but he recently told me he wasn't a virgin, but said he's not very experienced either. (I'm not naive, but I'm 99.999% sure he did not have a one night stand). Which me brings me to the jealousy point. Now that we've slept together, I feel myself incredibly jealous of this mystery girl. I'm trying to tell myself it doesn't matter because he's with me now, but it doesn't help too much. I think what bothers me the most is that, assuming it's not the .0001% chance I'm wrong, he probably had an emotional connection with this girl - much like he has with me. He might have even loved her... I know he loves me know, and I love him so much. I guess I'm just slightly insecure because I never dated anyone before him, and I spent years thinking something was wrong with me that no one ever asked me out... I mean, I'm a nice girl, I'm average looking, I think I have a great personality - except I am shy, and I think that has a lot to do with never being in a relationship before. So I'm wondering how many people have been in a similar situation - your significant other never, ever even mentioning his/her previous relationships? I don't know whether to ask him about her or not... I don't want to grill him on this mystery girl that he never seems to want to talk about, mainly because I don't want to sound insecure/crazy, but I'm dying to know more about her because I literally know nothing other than that they slept together. And again, I know this is all on the assumption that he did have a girlfriend and not a one night stand (which I think I might almost prefer in a way), but just go with me on this one. Sorry for the long drawn out post, I just really need advice/to know other people have the same problem!!
Pianiste Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I've dated some guys that never, ever mentioned any previous relationships. In one of those relationships I couldn't keep myself in and questioned him about his past. He told me all about it. At first I felt really jealous that the guy had similar feelings for a girl before, that he had a much longer relationship with her, that he'll always remember some memorable moments with her etc. At the time it really didn't do any good to our relationship. Nowadays I care less about their previous relationship. I do ask them about it when I feel really very comfortable in a relationship and know I have nothing to worry about. :-) If you think you are ready to handle his past and you really want to know then just ask him. But remember: the past is the past for a reason. So don't let your mind go astray with the information. :-)
kevinm1019 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I'm sort of curious... My boyfriend and I are both 25, we've been together ten months. He's my first boyfriend, but he had a girlfriend before me. Well... I think. He never actually talks about her, never even mentions her. EVER! I wasn't even completely sure he one, but he recently told me he wasn't a virgin, but said he's not very experienced either. (I'm not naive, but I'm 99.999% sure he did not have a one night stand). Which me brings me to the jealousy point. Now that we've slept together, I feel myself incredibly jealous of this mystery girl. I'm trying to tell myself it doesn't matter because he's with me now, but it doesn't help too much. I think what bothers me the most is that, assuming it's not the .0001% chance I'm wrong, he probably had an emotional connection with this girl - much like he has with me. He might have even loved her... I know he loves me know, and I love him so much. I guess I'm just slightly insecure because I never dated anyone before him, and I spent years thinking something was wrong with me that no one ever asked me out... I mean, I'm a nice girl, I'm average looking, I think I have a great personality - except I am shy, and I think that has a lot to do with never being in a relationship before. So I'm wondering how many people have been in a similar situation - your significant other never, ever even mentioning his/her previous relationships? I don't know whether to ask him about her or not... I don't want to grill him on this mystery girl that he never seems to want to talk about, mainly because I don't want to sound insecure/crazy, but I'm dying to know more about her because I literally know nothing other than that they slept together. And again, I know this is all on the assumption that he did have a girlfriend and not a one night stand (which I think I might almost prefer in a way), but just go with me on this one. Sorry for the long drawn out post, I just really need advice/to know other people have the same problem!! Give this some careful thought... if your boyfriend is with "YOU"... and shares his life with "YOU"... why do you want to know about something from his "PAST?" Are you looking for a problem or has something been demonstrated that you are worried about his "EX-GIRLFRIEND?"
Eddie Edirol Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 You dont want to be with someone that talks about their ex before you. It usually means they arent over their ex yet, which would make you a rebound...which means he wouldnt be fully into you, he would just be saying the words. That isnt the case for you, so dont worry about hsi past. Its your ego that is making this jealousy. It doesnt matter what went on before you. If he treats you good, enjoy it.
Idalis Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 My bf and I rarely discuss the past. We have now that we've been together a few years but never in the 1st or 2nd year of our relationship. And even now its extremely minimal. Its the past and you can't change it. Besides I like to think that whatever it took for my boyfriend to make his way to me, is fine with me. Besides, if there are no problems in the relationship other than your curiosity and insecurity then I would take it as a sign that he's a gentleman who doesn't "kiss & tell" and thats the kind of guy you want to date.
John Michael Kane Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I wouldn't want to know about my SO's past unless it benefits me in the long run. If she starts ranting off about her past there's no relationship.
Afishwithabike Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 My then boyfriend (now my husband) never talked about his past. I had to prod, ask, prod some more. I wish I hadn't asked. I found out his first love was this girl I knew from my high school. For a while I had this weird retrospective jealousy, but then I realized he had no feelings for her, they weren't in contact, and he truly had moved on from that relationship. She was no threat to me. I was making her a threat by imagining things. A lot of guys when they end relationships don't talk about that person again.
denise_xo Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Unless you are seventeen or so, most people today come with a past. In general, I think it's silly to try to pretend it isn't there, and I think it should be acceptable in a serious relationship to ask about 'general information' about prior relationship (how many relationships, for how long, still in contact, that kind of thing - however not in a crude 'so what's your number' kind of way). That doesn't mean that I want my SO to talk about his exes all the time, but to have complete silence on the topic seems contrived to me. My ex spoke to his ex regularly (they produced music together) and I didn't have a problem with that - I knew there was no romantic attachment left on either side, and I felt confident and convinced that he was with ME only, emotionally, romantically and physically.
Author taytay87 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 Thanks for all the replies! It's really helpful to know I'm not the only one that's curious, but I guess I don't need to dwell on it. What happened in the past should stay there... and since he's not with her anymore, I guess it doesn't matter. Idalis - you really made a great point with him being a gentleman who doesn't kiss & tell. Never thought about it that way before, but you're right. Afishwithabike - I think part of my problem is that I think I want to know more about her, but I know if I prod enough, he'll probably tell me eventually, and then I'll probably wish I never asked. It is really helping to just keep my thoughts to us and our relationship, and push the thoughts about the past away. Thanks again
xomotoxgirlxo Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I think I posted a similar response on someone else's page. I am only 22 but I have dated LOTS of guys, but only 2 serious relationships. The boyfriend I have now, broke up with his girlfriend of 3 1/2 years and started dating me two weeks later. He ALWAYS talked about her. I know so many things about her that I should not know and let me tell you it has seriously ruined me. I have major jealously issues towards her now. Previous guys I dated, rarely if not never talked about their exes so I never thought twice about it. I would be thankful he doesn't really talk about her. I mean SOME information would be okay, but don't let it consume you to the point where you want to know more and more.
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