angelgirl2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I dumped my fiance of two years about 6 months ago. Every month he has done something in order to contact me. I finally blocked him on everything last month. I recently found out he had made a new profile on FB. I have my settings set to un-private, so I know he can see everything. I had set my status on FB as at a chinese restaraunt. 20 minutes later, he showed up with some friends. There was no contact, and I just left. (This was about 5 days ago.) A day after that, I had noticed him comment on a picture of him and I on a friend's profile... just talking trash. Last night, I received a text from a number I did not recognize saying, "I REALLY need to talk to you...." I did not answer, and twenty minutes later I received another saying, "Cannot stress how bad I need to talk to you... get back to me.... please? I know I did you wrong." -- I got the texts today (sent last night), and had asked my friends if they recognized the number. Finally, someone called the number and it was my ex. He claimed he was drunk when he texted me, and he was not interested. Does this sound legit? I feel as if I am kind of being 'stalked'... If he is not interested, why would he do this? (Any of this?) Any input is much appreciated! <3
Cee Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 He's getting into stalker territory. My ex husband did that too. I changed my phone number and he weasled the number out of a friend and called me. Then I changed my number again and he showed up at my doorstep. Twice. He never really wanted to get me back. He didn't want me to move on, which was cruel since he cheated on me and stole money from me. The only way I ever got completely away was to move. Good luck with going NC with him permanently. Close every contact opportunity including changing your number and blocking him on FB. I didn't go the restraining order route, but I researched it. Know your options and don't let him rattle you too much. Keep living your life as well as you can. Good luck.
Author angelgirl2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks, Cee. I guess I should let you know that I am in no way threatened by, or afraid of, him... at all. I don't know if you are associated with Borderline Personality Disorder, but that fits him to a tee. You hit the nail right on the head when you talked about not wanting you back, but not wanting you to move on, either. My ex is terribly afraid of being alone. Last month he started dating another girl, and they just broke up. I know she was a rebound, and after hearing about their break up, I had anticipated him contacting me. I guess what bothers me is just not knowing what he wants from me. I know the push-pull is apart of the disorder. It is just very hard. I am slowly, but surely, letting go. I just get upset to hear that his behavior is only because he is "drunk." - Drunken words are usually sober thoughts. I hope everything is okay since your toxic relationship.
betterdeal Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 How did you find out about his recent squeeze? That says to me you are still in contact with him, albeit via intermediaries. Also, why do you have your FB account set to public? That says to me you want him to read up about you. You obviously have mutual friends and that's leaking information from one to the other. No contact is perhaps better described as losing contact with that person. You change your number, you set your FB account to private, you trim your friends down to your friends, and lose contact with his friends, and anyone who wants to sit on the fence is not your friend. You be ruthless in taking positive action to protect you - and him - from an ongoing, unhealthy pattern of interaction. Read the guide I wrote (linked in my signature). The best way you can help someone with emotional regulation problems is to provide them with clear, constant, unequivocal messages that are strong. "I don't like you" is a good one. As is "Leave me alone, I have nothing to say to you". More examples: "Do not contact me again." "Which bit of 'do not contact me again' did you not understand?" But then again, silence is golden. Read the guide, let go of whatever feelings you had for him, and do the right thing as the responsible person in this situation.
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