isdn00789 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I've had an account on OkCupid now for some time (at least 2.5 years). On a rare occasion, I'll find someone I'm actually interested in talking to. When I do, and I send a message, I frequently get one back, but often times the conversation just stops on one end or the other with seemingly no real reason. Last week I ran across the profile of a girl who I'm genuinely very interested in getting to know, even if just as a friend. I wrote her a message, and she got back to me in less than day, saying she was interested, and that she was busy right now but would write me back when she could. I told her I understood, and that I looked forward to hearing from her. Most of 2 days later she wrote me a friendly message back. I replied about a day and a half later, and now, 5 days later, I haven't heard back. Note: She may still be busy, but she told me she is no longer busy with what she was originally busy with. (Sorry for the poor description, I just want to keep things generic) My question is: Should I just continue to wait, or should I write another brief message, maybe offering another way to contact me that might feel more convenient (e.g., a phone number for text messaging)? Should I ask for her phone number instead? Thanks for any advice you may have to give!
fashionista Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 My question is: Should I just continue to wait, or should I write another brief message, maybe offering another way to contact me that might feel more convenient (e.g., a phone number for text messaging)? Should I ask for her phone number instead? Thanks for any advice you may have to give! that's a good idea. she might be more of a texter or caller.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 OP: you sound like a smart dude, use your best judgment. There's no right or wrong way to play this. Just do what is natural to you and what you want to do. If she doesn't get back to you after 5 days and you try to reach out to her again and she takes it the wrong way or criticizes you for it, then what does that speak about her? Odds are she may have lost interest and flaked....do you want to end up dating someone who isn't sure about you and continues to flake? Just do what you feel like doing, there are no rules, there's no special way to play it. Just go with it.
PhillyDude Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Something I learned in the past year when it comes to online dating was girls don't have a problem when you offer your number so they can contact you. I used to make the mistake of messaging back and forth and it lead to nothing
Author isdn00789 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 GivenUp0083 Thanks for your input. You are definitely correct; I don't really want to date someone who is unsure about me, but keep in mind we've never met. Things may change if we ever do. Furthermore, at this point I'm interested in a platonic relationship as well because most of my friends are all about computer programming and video games, not outdoor activities which I'm all about, and apparently so is she. (To give you an idea: I race mountain bikes competitively, and have ridden over 100 miles in the last week. I'm also a software engineer which explains my current set of friends) PhillyDude That is some valuable information... I've definitely missed out on opportunities because I didn't know how to move things from online to offline. I was always afraid asking for a phone number or giving mine out would scare girls away because of the whole online thing. sanskrit You have a good point, and I typically do deliberate too much over one profile (a handful at most), but I would have to argue that, though profiles are records in a database, they are not simply records. Each one (for the most part) is created by a unique person, in a unique way, providing a view into who they believe themselves to be. While it is hard to describe yourself, the big things usually come through, and that is more what I focus on. If I'm at all attracted physically, and I find at least a few common points in a profile (or it is relatively empty), I will send a message to learn more.
Author isdn00789 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Oh... and I went ahead and sent her a quick message with my phone number. We'll see what happens. Thanks for the input everybody!
PhillyDude Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I thought the same thing and would hold off on offering my number thinking they would be scared. But every girl is different just like tonight I offered my personal email and she said-"why not phone?
oaks Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 she got back to me in less than day, saying she was interested, and that she was busy right now but would write me back when she could. I usually assume this means "busy dating other guys", which is fine with me since I also assume that meeting guys is why she's on the site, so I just reply with "Thanks for letting me know. Would love to hear from you when you have some free time." and leave it like that (and then I move on and assume that I'll never hear from her again, which is usually what happens).
Author isdn00789 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Oaks: While I definitely understand where you are coming from, in this case she was specific about what she was busy with, I just omitted the details to keep my anonymity fully intact. Also, as I said, she actually did get back to me once she was done doing what she was doing, but I haven't heard back since that reply. Nonetheless, I'm mostly done hoping she'll reply at this point. It'll be a nice surprise if she does, but I don't expect it anymore. =(
samspade Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Dude, you're talking about one girl on a dating website. You're waiting around for a response? I recommend you meet some more women so you're not fixated. Meantime, yeah just tell her to send her digits and you'll try to call her.
Author isdn00789 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Samspade It's not like I'm sitting around refreshing the page waiting for a response. I was interested in this girl, so I asked for advice. I sent a message, as I said I would, now there is nothing to do but wait. It's not like I'd turn down a date from someone else if I had the opportunity, but for the time being that isn't a reality. I'm not as fixated as you think. My last message was simply clarifying things and saying that I was disappointed that I haven't heard back because it seemed like we might actually get to know each other.
samspade Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Samspade It's not like I'm sitting around refreshing the page waiting for a response. I was interested in this girl, so I asked for advice. I sent a message, as I said I would, now there is nothing to do but wait. It's not like I'd turn down a date from someone else if I had the opportunity, but for the time being that isn't a reality. I'm not as fixated as you think. My last message was simply clarifying things and saying that I was disappointed that I haven't heard back because it seemed like we might actually get to know each other. Ok good. Definitely try to set up a phone call. Usually, when a woman is "flaky," it really means she's not that interested or has an abundance of options and you're down the list. There are no mixed messages....if she wants to be in contact with you, she will.
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