Lil1 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I have recently began dating someone who lives about 2 hours from me so we don’t see each other too often. He stayed with me this past memorial day weekend (technically our second date!) and we had a great time… however there is just one issue that I came across. It seems like he does not like to kiss too much. I love kissing. I love showing affection, flirting and kissing… but he doesn’t seem too into that. There were a few times when he did put his arm around me and showed me affection, but no kisses:( I am seeing him again this weekend and I’m wondering what is the best way to ask him about this without it being a big deal. It’s not a big deal right now but it could be for me if he really isn’t EVER into kissing. We have yet to experience a passionate French kiss (which I absolutely love doing). The few kisses we’ve shared have been initiated by me mostly and have all been just a quick kiss on the lips and that’s it. I have never experienced anything like this! I know he’s into me, and I like him very much too. Have any of you ever dated someone who wasn’t into kissing? How did you address this issue? Thanks for your advice!
OliveOyl Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Have you slept with him? Maybe for him passionate kissing is foreplay and if you two haven't been ready for sex he's not been ready for passionate kissing.
Author Lil1 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 Hi OliveOyl... unfortunately yes, we had sex after our first date:eek:. We were introduced to each other by his cousin (one of my best friends) and we all went out as a double date the first night. Ended up getting pretty loaded, had a blast, ended up in the sack! This past weekend however we did not have any sex - the first night we were both very tired at the end of the day and then I got my period the next day:o... sorry if this is TMI! But we did have a really good weekend together, getting to know each other more. I just wanted a big ol passionate kiss from him at some point, but not even when we first saw each other or when he left, so I feel like maybe I need to bring it up with him next time I see him cause I can't do no kissing. I just need to figure out what is the best way. Also, it makes me wonder if I should stop intiating the little kisses since I def. don't want to make him uncomfortable by invading his personal space.
musemaj11 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I grew up in a society that wasnt big on lip kissing. I took me some time to get over feeling grossed out by french kissing.
Author Lil1 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 Well musmaj11... he grew up here in Cali so Im not sure that it's a cultural thing. Maybe he really is grossed out by french kissing! The point is, I'm trying to see what is the best way for me to find out how he feels about it without putting pressure on him. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable, but I also need to know where he stands on kissing because I cant go without it and I guess it's a deal breaker for me.
musemaj11 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Well musmaj11... he grew up here in Cali so Im not sure that it's a cultural thing. Maybe he really is grossed out by french kissing! The point is, I'm trying to see what is the best way for me to find out how he feels about it without putting pressure on him. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable, but I also need to know where he stands on kissing because I cant go without it and I guess it's a deal breaker for me. Nothing you can do about it really. You cant expect a guy who doesnt like to give oral for example to suddenly like it either.
KR10N Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I'm 20 years old & believe it or not, I've never kissed a guy romantically. Some people just don't do it.
D-Lish Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Did you kiss passionately the first time? How was the sex? My last ex never french kissed, he wasn't into deep kissing at all. I am pretty positive it was an intimacy issue for him. Even the sex wasn't passionate- it was more mechanical than anything else. Maybe he's shy when he isn't bombed.
Mimi99 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Unfortuantely, some guys aren't into it. I love to kiss,but my ex was so not into kissing. I always had to initiate and we tried to french kiss numerous times. It wasn't good at all, it was as if I was the only woman he tried to french kiss. He avoided it and when he did kiss me, it was the peking sort of kiss. It was very frustrating. I talked to him about it, but he never gave me an honest answer. He said he liked to kiss, which I thought it was a lie. I liked him alot so, I stayed with him for a while. But, enough was enough. I had to get out of a passionless relationship.
cerridwen Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Well musmaj11... he grew up here in Cali so Im not sure that it's a cultural thing. Maybe he really is grossed out by french kissing! The point is, I'm trying to see what is the best way for me to find out how he feels about it without putting pressure on him. I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable, but I also need to know where he stands on kissing because I cant go without it and I guess it's a deal breaker for me. I can't imagine having a conversation about it outside the moment. What about at the time you're kissing, and when you initiate a French kiss by opening up your mouth a little, if he pulls away you address it then? In that moment, you can nicely ask "You're not into deep kissing, huh? We don't have to if you're not comfortable with it."
Author Lil1 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Thanks D-Lish, yes maybe he is much more reserved when he's not bombed, although... we did drink a lot this weekend too! To be honest I don't remeber the sex (I know, how terrible!!). The next morning I woke up and did a complete face plant when I saw him lying in my bed next to me!... So I woke him up with some kissing and touching and we had sex again in the morning:D. I did tell him that I didnt remember the night before and that I was so sorry that wasnt the way I had planned for our first date to go. He laughed it off and said he was a bit disappointed I didnt remember cause it was fantastic and he wasnt at his best the next morning (ended a bit quick but it was very sexy!). Anyway, as terrible as it all sounds we actually have been moving along great. Except for the whole kissing thing. Granted, this past weekend was only the second time we hung out together so maybe he just wants to really take our time since we rushed into everything on our first date! Whatever it is I just need to come up with a good way of asking him how he feels about kissing without pressuring him or scaring him off. I really enjoy kissing and it's important to me, so if he can't because he thinks its gross or something I'd rather know sooner than later and look for someone who wont be grossed out by my fabulous luscious mouth lol!
cerridwen Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Unfortuantely, some guys aren't into it. I love to kiss,but my ex was so not into kissing. I always had to initiate and we tried to french kiss numerous times. It wasn't good at all, it was as if I was the only woman he tried to french kiss. He avoided it and when he did kiss me, it was the peking sort of kiss. It was very frustrating. I talked to him about it, but he never gave me an honest answer. He said he liked to kiss, which I thought it was a lie. I liked him alot so, I stayed with him for a while. But, enough was enough. I had to get out of a passionless relationship. Right there with you, Mimi. I dated a guy who didn't believe in affection at all. It was horrible. It lasted 10 days as I'm a cuddler, hugger, kisser.
Author Lil1 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 cerridwen, thats a good idea! I am going to see him this weekend so maybe that is the best way to approach it... as it's happening. But then again I don't wanna just kill the mood by talking about it. If he tells me what I don't want to hear (that he's not into it) it's immediately gonna turn me off I know it
cerridwen Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 cerridwen, thats a good idea! I am going to see him this weekend so maybe that is the best way to approach it... as it's happening. But then again I don't wanna just kill the mood by talking about it. If he tells me what I don't want to hear (that he's not into it) it's immediately gonna turn me off I know it Understandable Lil1, my fellow Bay Area girl. But, better find out sooner than later, yeah?
Eddie Edirol Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 cerridwen, thats a good idea! I am going to see him this weekend so maybe that is the best way to approach it... as it's happening. But then again I don't wanna just kill the mood by talking about it. If he tells me what I don't want to hear (that he's not into it) it's immediately gonna turn me off I know it His actions will tell more than his words. You already know hes not into kissing, or hes not that into you because of the distance or whatever. Bottom line, youre going to end this anyway most likely. Just ask him if he doesnt like kissing, theres no way it wont be a big deal, because its a dealbreaker for you.
stepka Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 If he's not into it from the beginning, he never will be. My ex didn't like frenchies either but when he came out of the closet, he developed a deep interest in kissing men. I suppose that should have been my first clue.
D-Lish Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 If he's not into it from the beginning, he never will be. My ex didn't like frenchies either but when he came out of the closet, he developed a deep interest in kissing men. I suppose that should have been my first clue. Stepka! I wonder that about my ex... I got a faint vibe. I remember him telling me his ex accused him of of being gay...
Mimi99 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 If he's not into it from the beginning, he never will be. My ex didn't like frenchies either but when he came out of the closet, he developed a deep interest in kissing men. I suppose that should have been my first clue. LOL!, stepka! I'm suspicious my ex is bi. He'll never admit to it ofcourse. @OP, see how it goes the next couple of times you see him. You can ask him if you'd like. He may tells you he likes to kiss, but if he doesn't do it, then you'll know for sure that he's not into it. I asked my ex about it and tried to discuss it seriously, but he never wanted to talk about it. Acted like he didn't understand what I was talking about.
Author Lil1 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Oh no ladies!... Alright, now I think I'm just gonna ask him this weekend. It could be that he's reserved, which I'm willing to work with but if its because he's grossed out by it or because he's possibly gay:eek:!... He did bring like 7 different change of clothes, purchased new sneakers here to match his white shirt that he wore one day, and is very well groomed. Am I missing huge red flags ladies?! LOL! Oh noooo, I like him and I'm pretty sure he likes me too, and I don't think he's in the closet but I've never experienced anything like that. Here I thought dating him even though he's got kids is the big deal but now you ladies really gave me something to think about! Oh well, guess all I can do is just ask and keep things honest with him. After all it is a deal breaker so if he's not into it for whatever reason he may give me I can't really work with that. I'm a very passionate lover and kissing is a major turn on for me, furthermore I see it as a very intimate act, like sharing souls for a moment if you're both deeply in love (no way are we remotely close to that but that's how I imagine what my kisses would be like with my future husband). Ah, I'm exhausted thinking about this. All day I've thought about it. Now it's time to put it on the back-burner till it's time to heat things up;)
Author Lil1 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 So I saw him this past weekend and we ended up having lots of makeout sessions which were soooo sexy! I had actually texted him a day before going to see him to ask him about how he feels about french kissing... and he pretty much ignored my text! I had no clue what to think and figured this was something to discuss in person anyway. When he first saw me the next day, the first thing he did was give me a long super sexy french kiss that seriously made me melt! He did say he wanted to be respectful and didn't want to rush things between us so that's why he hadn't initiated make out sessions. Needless to say right now I am a very happy lady and I can't wait to see him again in 2 weeks:D!!
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