So Annoying!

[Mack05]

Guys,

 

I would really appreciate some advice here. I am not going to go back over my story. My ex made clear after we broke up that she never wanted to hear from me again. She also said that she would never contact me again. I found it hard to let go (sent some desperation texts and emails). This of course drove her further away as you can imagine.

 

I made a decision to get myself sorted and stick to no contact no matter what. For 6 weeks I have maintaned NC. This has been VERY tough as I have been in Therapy, on a voyage of self discovery. I found out so much which I would like to talk to her about (about myself/about her/about us) but despite enormous tempations I have resisted the urge to contact her. I went through a tough weekend (last weekend) and I came through it. I have actually felt ok yesterday and today. Was starting to think I am through the worst. That I had dealt with my feelings and I could know start to move on from her and my feelings for her and focus 100% on me (thus helping my own recovery).

 

That was until tonight. I told her when we were breaking contact that if she avoided the 2 bars I go to (near my house, that are a long way from where she lives) that there was no chance she could bump into me in other bars. I deliberately went out of my way NOT to go to places that she goes to shopping malls/restaurants/bars/cafes.

 

There is one bar in particular that I eat in quite regulary in as the food is quite good. We used to go there as a couple and she knows I go there all the time to get food and have the odd beer and/or night out. So tonight, I decide to go in for a bit of food and chill after a tough Therapy session. Just as I am about to order my food, there is my ex. We make eye contact. We give each other a VERY frosty stare and I leave as quick as I can.

 

This is so frustrating. Everytime I seem to making progress, something comes along that reminds me of my ex. I mean why go to this bar?She knows this is the ONLY bar in a big city that I could possibly be in on a Tuesday evening. Can anybody explain her thinking here?I mean its way off the beaten track for her. Not only that, there are 2 other pubs VERY nearby she could have went too. I just don't get it..

 

I mean this woman has blocked me on Facebook, threatened me with the police if I kept emailing/texting her and then 6 weeks later turns up at my local bar!..Also lately I keep getting calls from a blocked number. This never happened before her. I am sooooo tempted to break no contact and ask her what the f&&^%^$ is she playing at it!?Is it mind games? Does she miss me? Either way it has seriously set me back...

 

I know guys she has EVERY right to drink in any pub she wants. I get that but is wants no contact and wants nothing to do with me why go there!? Here is me avoiding the places she loves. I just want to go somewhere near my house, where I don't feel I can bump into her. Where I can relax. So Frustrating. I just want to move on..I wish I still didn't have feelings for her......I know she doesnt for me anymore and thats what makes it even harder...

 

Sorry for the vent guys, I would be lost without this site.

[Desensitized]

Guys,

 

I would really appreciate some advice here. I am not going to go back over my story. My ex made clear after we broke up that she never wanted to hear from me again. She also said that she would never contact me again. I found it hard to let go (sent some desperation texts and emails). This of course drove her further away as you can imagine.

 

I made a decision to get myself sorted and stick to no contact no matter what. For 6 weeks I have maintaned NC. This has been VERY tough as I have been in Therapy, on a voyage of self discovery. I found out so much which I would like to talk to her about (about myself/about her/about us) but despite enormous tempations I have resisted the urge to contact her. I went through a tough weekend (last weekend) and I came through it. I have actually felt ok yesterday and today. Was starting to think I am through the worst. That I had dealt with my feelings and I could know start to move on from her and my feelings for her and focus 100% on me (thus helping my own recovery).

 

That was until tonight. I told her when we were breaking contact that if she avoided the 2 bars I go to (near my house, that are a long way from where she lives) that there was no chance she could bump into me in other bars. I deliberately went out of my way NOT to go to places that she goes to shopping malls/restaurants/bars/cafes.

 

There is one bar in particular that I eat in quite regulary in as the food is quite good. We used to go there as a couple and she knows I go there all the time to get food and have the odd beer and/or night out. So tonight, I decide to go in for a bit of food and chill after a tough Therapy session. Just as I am about to order my food, there is my ex. We make eye contact. We give each other a VERY frosty stare and I leave as quick as I can.

 

This is so frustrating. Everytime I seem to making progress, something comes along that reminds me of my ex. I mean why go to this bar?She knows this is the ONLY bar in a big city that I could possibly be in on a Tuesday evening. Can anybody explain her thinking here?I mean its way off the beaten track for her. Not only that, there are 2 other pubs VERY nearby she could have went too. I just don't get it..

 

I mean this woman has blocked me on Facebook, threatened me with the police if I kept emailing/texting her and then 6 weeks later turns up at my local bar!..Also lately I keep getting calls from a blocked number. This never happened before her. I am sooooo tempted to break no contact and ask her what the f&&^%^$ is she playing at it!?Is it mind games? Does she miss me? Either way it has seriously set me back...

 

I know guys she has EVERY right to drink in any pub she wants. I get that but is wants no contact and wants nothing to do with me why go there!? Here is me avoiding the places she loves. I just want to go somewhere near my house, where I don't feel I can bump into her. Where I can relax. So Frustrating. I just want to move on..I wish I still didn't have feelings for her......I know she doesnt for me anymore and thats what makes it even harder...

 

Sorry for the vent guys, I would be lost without this site.

 

Hey Mack,

I haven't read your other posts, but is your ex the one with BPD?

Anyways, it just sounds like she knows where you like to go and she's using that to her advantage to mess with your head. My ex did that to me a couple times, and yes, it's very annoying. Just try your best to ignore her. I would add more, but I gotta jet to work.

 

Keep your head up, Mack.

[Mack05]

Hey Mack,

I haven't read your other posts, but is your ex the one with BPD?

Anyways, it just sounds like she knows where you like to go and she's using that to her advantage to mess with your head. My ex did that to me a couple times, and yes, it's very annoying. Just try your best to ignore her. I would add more, but I gotta jet to work.

 

Keep your head up, Mack.

 

Cheers Buddy. Yeah she is the one with BPD but she hasn't a clue that she has it. I hope I can keep NC tonight. It's very easy to give other people advice on NC. Hard when it happens to you....

[smudge21]

Yeah I know how strange it can be when you're NC and something seems to always happen that means you see or hear about your ex. It's like some higher force is just trying to mess with you, tempt you to make some mistakes. It's times like these that you have to be stronger then ever.

 

You don't know what she's thinking or even if it's her calling you so try not to analyze it too much. Maybe she is tempted to contact you, maybe she does want you back, but then again, maybe she doesn't. There's no way of knowing and if you start trying to find out, you'll only end up hurting yourself even more. Force yourself to stay no contact. Trust me, when you go looking you often hate what you find.. I know from bitter experience.

[Mack05]

Cheers Smudge. I am going to really try keep NC. I'm annoyed at myself that I am so weak at the moment. I have been working so hard in Therapy. I wish I could just get 100% closure from her (on my own), show strength and move on. I still have feelings for her. I just have to keep reminding myself she doesnt want me.

 

We were due to go to Paxos this weekend on holiday for 2 weeks. It would have been our first holiday together. We were so excitied by it. If I can get through the weekend then I know I will have come along way. IF I can stay NC the next week I will never break it..

 

Cheers everyone on this site. Without your support (in this and other threads) and that vent I would have broken NC tonight...

[sinnister]

Cheers Buddy. Yeah she is the one with BPD but she hasn't a clue that she has it. I hope I can keep NC tonight. It's very easy to give other people advice on NC. Hard when it happens to you....

 

To help people out..can u tell us how do you suspect she has BPD?

[Desensitized]

Cheers Buddy. Yeah she is the one with BPD but she hasn't a clue that she has it. I hope I can keep NC tonight. It's very easy to give other people advice on NC. Hard when it happens to you....

 

Ah. My ex-fiancee also has BPD, and it's very overwhelming dealing with a person who has it - they drive you INSANE! There's no sense in talking to her, Mack. Everything you say, regardless of if it makes sense, will make absolutely no sense to her. You can tell her that you want her to stay away from the places you go to eat, but she won't listen to you because she is mentally sick. Trust me, you can be the sweetest guy about it and let her know that it bothers you, but it won't mean anything to them. She'll keep pushing you until you're nothing but a shell of your former self. Please, Mack, NC is hard, but you can do it! I haven't spoken to my ex-fiancee in almost 4 weeks, and she has tried contacting me.

 

If you're having trouble keeping NC, just remind yourself that she is sick and needs help. You alone won't be able to fix her, she needs professional help and needs to be willing to fix herself. It sucks falling in-love with a BPD, but they are people too. It's unfortunate that we become so devoted to these people and love them with all of our hearts, but it's just no use... they cannot reciprocate the love we give them, and they will always be unstable in some way.

 

I know you love her, but you need to let go and try not to let her get to you. Try going to a different bar or going at a different time, that may help.

 

Best of luck.

[sinnister]

Ah. My ex-fiancee also has BPD, and it's very overwhelming dealing with a person who has it - they drive you INSANE! There's no sense in talking to her, Mack. Everything you say, regardless of if it makes sense, will make absolutely no sense to her. You can tell her that you want her to stay away from the places you go to eat, but she won't listen to you because she is mentally sick. Trust me, you can be the sweetest guy about it and let her know that it bothers you, but it won't mean anything to them. She'll keep pushing you until you're nothing but a shell of your former self. Please, Mack, NC is hard, but you can do it! I haven't spoken to my ex-fiancee in almost 4 weeks, and she has tried contacting me.

 

If you're having trouble keeping NC, just remind yourself that she is sick and needs help. You alone won't be able to fix her, she needs professional help and needs to be willing to fix herself. It sucks falling in-love with a BPD, but they are people too. It's unfortunate that we become so devoted to these people and love them with all of our hearts, but it's just no use... they cannot reciprocate the love we give them, and they will always be unstable in some way.

 

I know you love her, but you need to let go and try not to let her get to you. Try going to a different bar or going at a different time, that may help.

 

Best of luck.

 

Can some of you help us out and tell folks what your BPD did to tip u off if they're officially undx'd. I'll compare.

[Mack05]

To help people out..can u tell us how do you suspect she has BPD?

 

She has most of the traits of BPD except addiction and suicidal tendancies. Sadly she suffered awful things in childhood. She then endured trauma in her teens and 20's. The sympthoms she has are..

 

1) Suffers from memory loss/memory problems.

2) Go so hot and cold regulary. It's called splitting. One week, I was the love of her life, the next week she would break up me over the phone.

3) Suffered from clear mood (vicious) swings.

4) Was at times a cold distant person.

5) Be such a bad patient when sick.

6) Wanting a life of no Highs or Lows. Can't cope when status quo is broken..

7) Limited coping and communication skills.

8) Impulsive marriage/divorce (she was married before).

9) Impulsive decisions.

10) Severe Family problems.

11) Self denial.

12) Fell in love with me after 2 months, asked me to move in after 3 months and dumped me after 5 months. Falling in and out of love easily is another sympthom.

13) History of unstable relationships.

 

I am 500% sure she has BPD..

Edited May 31, 2011 by Mack05

[sinnister]

She has most of the traits of BPD except addiction and suicidal tendancies. Sadly she suffered awful things in childhood. She then endured trauma in her teens and 20's. The sympthoms she has are..

 

1) Suffered from memory loss/memory problems.

2) Go so hot and cold regulary. It's called splitting. One week, I was the love of her life, the next week she would break up me over the phone.

3) Suffered from clear mood (vicious) swings.

4) Was at times a cold distant person.

5) Be such a bad patient when sick.

6) Wanting a life of no Highs or Lows. Can't cope when status quo is broken..

7) Limited coping and communication skills.

8) Impulsive marriage/divorce (she was married before).

9) Impulsive decisions.

10) Severe Family problems.

11) Self denial.

12) Fell in love with me after 2 months, asked me to move in after 3 months and dumped me after 5 months. Falling in and out of love easily is another sympthom.

13) History of unstable relationships.

 

I am 500% sure she has BPD..

1. maneuverable memory-had a very sharp memory but it was inaccurate/retrofit.

2. Same here, but would crazymake instead..as try to act like I would breakup..too sweet to b/u with me...but always believed I would..even after engagement. Had to be real careful w/normal frustrations..but wouldn't allow myself to be a complete pushover.

3. Enhanced (idealized) euphoria..or OCD on a perceived "flaw" she had.

4. Detached here...although I thought it was simply cause she was an Aquarius. Did show marked lack of interest/empathy when it didn't directly involve her. Could see her attention wander if I was on about something she wasn't interested in too long..more than any g/f bf.

5. Same.

6. Wanted highs..but again, not as far as standing out/up to the status quo. Didn't mind if I did it though...very resistant to "outside the frame/box" thinking. Still resourceful/intelligent when focused.

7. Great communicator if she trusted you...really thinks the transition depends on if she's in a r/s.

8. N/C

9. All the other answers implied safe..since she had no clear boundaries (yeah, if she didn't know why it SHOULD affect me to have her come to the bar I frequented..she would show up at her prerogative). Was very nice with it to/with me (in the rs)..but she did have a sense of entitlement. She had things that were "off limits" to her..but felt I couldn't lol...even my vaunted pron stash.

10.Brother's normal, parents a complete mess (together but act divorced/sep bed rooms/volatile r cold to each other). Hates father's side of fam..barely tolerates mums.

11. Definitely...but wouldn't let go of the notion she was flawed...but could do things to the Nth and justify them. Can lie about scope of actions.

12. Same..but I did her same time...n prob loved her earlier..lol..although I doubt it.

[EgoJoe]

Before I broke down and called my ex when we were supposed to be on a break I was getting unknown caller unknown number. After I told her about the other girl when we first started talking those calls stopped.

 

You can do this Mack. I'm with ya. I'm about to break my NC...soon...but it will be because I refuse to let some things go unsaid. I didn't make alot of other mistakes with this breakup but I did make some. I had a chance to speak to some friends and family and some told me due to how understanding I try to be sometimes that they think it would be good for me to stand up for mysef.

 

You are already past where I am so keep going.

[Mack05]

Guys,

 

I appreciate the advice. I really do. I stuck to no contact and I aint ever breaking it (even is she does). There is alot I would like to say to my ex. I thought last night I wouldn't get a winks sleep and end up breaking no contact, but I slept like a log. I woke up this morning feeling far better.

 

It's clear my ex doesn't respect me anymore. It doesn't matter that I have so much to say, she no longer respects me. I let myself down the last part of our relationship and in the immediate aftermath. The thing is I have been through so much the last 3 months. I now respect myself again and I refuse to let myself down again. My self esteem is returning more and more, day by day. Three weeks ago I would have broken no contact, not now, not ever (even if I see her every day, I will not be beaten). I need to find myself a woman who respects me and loves me for me. Through the good and the bad times. Who see's my heart.

 

This site has been an enormous help to me, but this will be my last post about my own problems. I took a HUGE step forward last night and I aint ever looking back. Hopefully, I can now help other people they way people have helped me. Thanks again..Mack