Rinnix Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Rinnix knows what I am talking about thank god!! It was such a horrible experience! I help friends filter out the messages.. and good gosh.. If I were single id lose all faith in the male gender. Being a woman on a dating site is not always fun!
PhillyDude Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Well it's likely. It honestly made me afraid to be single seeing these guys. I would not want to be using a dating site, I wouldn't be able to put up with messages of mistreatment. A lady should be treated with respect. She was 19-20 when she joined, she had 30-50 year old's asking her if she was interested in FWB'S as well. Id also like to point out that CL is the last place I would ever take seriously for dating. I post in the platonic section, and when men mail me back they clearly don't understand what "platonic" means. Its as if they lurk there thinking women secretly want relationships. that's because some people go to the platonic section as a cover up that they are lookjing for something physical.
Rinnix Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 that's because some people go to the platonic section as a cover up that they are lookjing for something physical. I made a add to meet FEMALES. Instead, I get a good 10+ replies from men asking me if I'm attractive and want to meet a guy. Why do I need to be attractive to you if I'm posting in platonic anyway? I also had a girl assume that my add was to make a female lover. It was very awkward, I have no idea how she assumed "female friends" was "looking for fellow female lover" I told her how I was just looking for friendship.. she then tried to be just friends, I couldn't reply, I was too boggled.
PhillyDude Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I made a add to meet FEMALES. Instead, I get a good 10+ replies from men asking me if I'm attractive and want to meet a guy. Why do I need to be attractive to you if I'm posting in platonic anyway? I also had a girl assume that my add was to make a female lover. It was very awkward, I have no idea how she assumed "female friends" was "looking for fellow female lover" I told her how I was just looking for friendship.. she then tried to be just friends, I couldn't reply, I was too boggled. It's easier to find a intimate encounter on a platonc secton than a intimate encounter section. That's probably because on the IE fourm there are TONS of ads with freaky request every minute. Not the case with the platonic fourm
Rinnix Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 That may be the case, but when I post in platonic I'm looking for FRIENDS, not men (or women) who think that I'll want to sleep with them in the future. It's just not going to happen. I think I should just stop using CL all together.. I had some crazy experiences with people there.
Dust Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Do yourself a favor and date in the real world. Internet dating is really bad for men. Any one who tries to tell you differently is full of it. People who online date all seem to act surprised if the girl actually ends up being attractive because they usually aren’t. Also girls who would probably otherwise go on a date with you will flat out ignore you when you are reduced to a profile of height, interest, career. Do yourself and every other guy a favor and refuse to online date. At a minimum you owe it to yourself not to rely on it in any way. That means only using free sites and always trying in the real world. Trying in the real world means regularly on a daily, weekly basis flirting and asking out girls you find attractive.
oaks Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 It's perfectly natural for your ego to be a little dented during frustrations of online dating, so I disagree that you know what you're talking about. I just thought you were over-egging it, but I can't deny you your experiences. I'm not finding online dating as bad as the picture you paint.
Emilia Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I think online dating is skewed in favour of younger women. I get a lot of messages and I am 38 because guys just look at my photo and they contact me. Many of them between the ages of 28 and 38 will then disappear because I know they look harder the second time and they discover that I am 38, too old to have kids with, etc. The remaining that message me in that age group are just after hook ups. It is what it is. I know I'm attractive because I get approached a lot but my age is a big disadvantage. I think I read it somewhere on okcupid that girls between 18 and 24 get the highest number of messages. Imagine some of the creepy stuff they must be reading from men that are old enough to be their father. In the meantime I get approached by 20 year-olds, some are frustrated by girsl their own age, others want to use me as practice. All I'm saying is you can view it in a good way or a bad way, it's up to you and your personality how you approach this kind of thing. I enjoy it for the most part, I like chatting with much younger guys because I wouldn't meet them in real life easily. It is what it is though, it can't be your primary source of meeting new people. I would discourage my sister to use it though because she is sensitive and she would freak out by some of the men on these sites
Disillusioned Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Id also like to point out that CL is the last place I would ever take seriously for dating. I post in the platonic section, and when men mail me back they clearly don't understand what "platonic" means. Its as if they lurk there thinking women secretly want relationships. That's because these guys are desperate for no-frills sex. They don't know what "platonic" means, and they don't care. When I was younger and dumber, I genuinely wanted a platonic relationship (to me, a no-frills sexual relationship would feel like nothing more than a drug addiction) so I tried CL. Big mistake. I was assumed to be just another sex-starved lech. Do yourself a favor and date in the real world. Internet dating is really bad for men. Any one who tries to tell you differently is full of it. Do yourself and every other guy a favor and refuse to online date. At a minimum you owe it to yourself not to rely on it in any way. That means only using free sites and always trying in the real world. Trying in the real world means regularly on a daily, weekly basis flirting and asking out girls you find attractive. Unfortunately the real world is just as bad. The only difference is that there's no "back" button you can click to make the jerk in front of you go away. When I was doing the singles thing on Meetup, the women all gave off the same vibe---"if you don't like alcohol and you're not looking for a ONS, why are you wasting my time?" So... I took the hint and quit the groups. Those women don't deserve to be loved, nor do they appreciate it.
AmericanHoney Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I guess maybe because I am new at this I put down I like to have fun on my profile and that turned guys on thinking I meant sex. I didn't even realize it:o Needless to say I took it off also took down my profession ( which is a nurse) and the e-mails have stopped.
SJC2008 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I've posted on this topic and came to the conclustion that it's better for VERY good looking people because both men and women will think that an "average" or below average looking person is online because they can't get a date in real life and wont waste their time with them (sounds mean but thats my opinion). Also, there are more men than women, meaning the odds are already against you from the get-go, AND they are trying to date out of their league or are holding out for the "total package" ie looks, career, personality. There does seem to be a sense of entitlement from women in online dating, basically an "average" women online thinks she deserves Brad Pitt because she has a college degree. I emailed women who I felt were on my level of attractiveness, sincere emails and asked questions and got one response out of about 20, and that did not materialize into a date. This should be their profile summary: "Wanted, sexy man with washboard abs who has a good career, is funny, confident but can show his sensitive side and is down to earth" lol!
alexlakeman Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I've done online dating for years,,,,,,,,,, That's online dating for a guy. It sucks. It's stupid. It's a waste. You will end up lowering your standards for a girl that is not worth your time, and probably not very attractive in the first place, y Really? Must be bad in your part of the world....
Silivren Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I honestly have to say I really don't think much about pof if you are actually looking for a relathionship. I was on it for about 6 months before I deactivated my account and here is what I found... 90% of the men that contacted me were looking for a hookup or for cybersex. I quickly became adept at weeding these out.. A good portion of the men on there are ACTUALLY IN RELATIONSHIPS!! ...I had several men add me that I found out were married/common-law/in a serious long term relationship. In particular I busted one when he added me on facebook, and hid his relationship status, but forgot to remove the tags of him and his girlfriend on his pictures.. I went out on quite a few dates... 2/3 of which I wasn't attracted to, but we later became friends... 1/3 of which I really liked, and we hung out for a while, but they dropped off the face of the earth on me... The problem with pof is the amount of people that contact you becomes addictive for some people.. they don't want to stop and settle down with someone.. they're overwhelmed by all the attention and they don't want to give it up.. Anyways... that was my experience.. I met my current bf through mutual friends and I like it way better that way
TuffCookieX Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 A good portion of the men on there are ACTUALLY IN RELATIONSHIPS!! ...I had several men add me that I found out were married/common-law/in a serious long term relationship. In particular I busted one when he added me on facebook, and hid his relationship status, but forgot to remove the tags of him and his girlfriend on his pictures.. This is true! POF is a GREAT dating site, a bunch of my friends are on there and I've gone on some awesome dates, dated one or two, etc etc. I ran into a guy at a club one night and he recognized me, then I realized he was a guy I had been messaging back and forth with on POF. He shook my hand, then introduced me to his girlfriend. He forgot to mention HER in his messages. He claims to be in an open relationship and that "what they have is unique" but he keeps bugging me to hang out and it doesn't look like she is invited.
Blood Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 They are a great way to toy with people but not date people.
notuneak Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 I've been on OKC for 3 months now. I've met 26 guys IRL. I LOVE online dating. Also have a bunch of people that are just friends now.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 Really? Must be bad in your part of the world.... Chicago I've been on OKC for 3 months now. I've met 26 guys IRL. I LOVE online dating. Also have a bunch of people that are just friends now. Like I said, it's awesome for girls, they have all the options in the world. You'll soon get so bored with meeting new guys that none of them will live up to your expectations. Best of luck to you though.
Fermentum Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 I've done online dating for years, had some success with it, but honestly it's not something I can ever go back to. Ask yourself this question. You are at a bar where there are 50 guys, and 1 girl. You each take turns going up to the girl and saying "hi" or making an attempt to just start conversation with her. Some guys are just rude about it and say "hey, let's hook up" and some just babble on in paragraphs about themselves. This girl really hasn't told you very much about herself, she just looks very pretty or cute from the angle you can see her at. You don't know her agenda or what she's really looking for. Would you want to approach a girl that way? Personally that's just not my ideal situation for finding someone to connect with. Online dating enables women to pursue an agenda. Of the women available on those sites, very few have the same agenda as you. Even those that actually share the same values and agenda that you have (i.e. meeting someone nice and having a meaningful relationship), it's very very rare they're actually going to give you a chance. She doesn't have time to go out with every guy that will email her. She'll respond to the first 5 or so guys that email her, then drop a couple of them and key in on one guy that she has the most interest in. While communicating by email and playing waiting games to email him back (she doesn't want to seem desperate), she will continue to get more and more emails every day. Eventually it gets tiresome, and after a couple weeks, YOU send her your email: "Hey, how's it going? I like your picture of you doing _______, how did you ________? I'm a big fan of _________ as well. I think ________ is pretty funny and a lot of fun. I'm originally from ________ and I've studied ________ and enjoy doing _______. I think we have a bit in common, if you're interested in getting to know each other then it would be cool to get to know you. Got any big plans this holiday weekend?" She just sees that someone sent an email. She logs in, and goes to your profile before she reads the email. She looks at your pictures. Are you tall? Are you handsome/cute? She reads part of your profile, tries to find out what you're looking for. She critiques and judges (not just reads) the rest of your profile. Looks for flaws, looks for creepiness, looks for excitement....but it's just a profile, not who you REALLY are. Assuming she has any interest in your profile, THEN she reads your email. She's bored. She's heard it all before, she's already emailing a really hot guy who for all we know is just trying to get in her pants cuz he's got hot pictures and loves playing this game, so why should she bother taking the time to even respond to you? What's in it for her? She has options. Many many MANY options. Good options. What SHE thinks are better options.....because she's a woman....she has terrible judge in character. Again, it's just words on a screen, a profile, some pictures. That's all she has to go on about you, and unless she actually wants to give you the time to pay for her drinks or food or a night out, she will never get the chance to know if you're a great guy or not. So you keep looking. You play the numbers. Your ego gets shot just a little bit each time that you can see someone you took the time and effort to read their profile and send a nice email to didn't even respond. Eventually your ego gets a big hole in it and you lose self confidence. You may land dates, but she may not even look anything like her profile pictures. It may go well and she stops returning your phone calls. You could go on multiple dates that go really well in your eyes....then she disappears off the face of the earth because some one else with a cuter picture emailed her. That's online dating for a guy. It sucks. It's stupid. It's a waste. You will end up lowering your standards for a girl that is not worth your time, and probably not very attractive in the first place, yet SHE thinks she's a catch because 50 other desperate guys emailed her wanting a date. It's compared to being a bum on the street who digs through the dumpster to find a half eaten sandwich and falls in love with it. If you had money and a job you would be more selective about where you go out to eat, but since you have nothing, you go digging through the dumpster. Don't do it. From someone who's been there and done it, the good and the bad. It is a waste of your time. It's a perfect way to meet dudes if you're a girl. But you're not a girl, you're a guy, you have everything going against you in online dating. OMFG This. This sums up ENTIRELY how I feel about online dating. It's worthless if you're a guy, you're one drop in a whole sea of people. I've deleted my OKC and PoF accounts, and it's forced me out to meet girls IRL, where I function best anyway.
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