Jagger341 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I signed up for a few dating sites such as POF and OkCupid lately, so what are your thoughts? Are they worth it?
thatone Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 lol @ "worth it" good point, lol. i have limited experience with the free ones. match seems to be the most professional and promising of the bunch, but obviously not free. that said, going by who i've talked to this week via phone/email my most promising prospect is on POF. free is free? use them all.
GivenUp0083 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I've done online dating for years, had some success with it, but honestly it's not something I can ever go back to. Ask yourself this question. You are at a bar where there are 50 guys, and 1 girl. You each take turns going up to the girl and saying "hi" or making an attempt to just start conversation with her. Some guys are just rude about it and say "hey, let's hook up" and some just babble on in paragraphs about themselves. This girl really hasn't told you very much about herself, she just looks very pretty or cute from the angle you can see her at. You don't know her agenda or what she's really looking for. Would you want to approach a girl that way? Personally that's just not my ideal situation for finding someone to connect with. Online dating enables women to pursue an agenda. Of the women available on those sites, very few have the same agenda as you. Even those that actually share the same values and agenda that you have (i.e. meeting someone nice and having a meaningful relationship), it's very very rare they're actually going to give you a chance. She doesn't have time to go out with every guy that will email her. She'll respond to the first 5 or so guys that email her, then drop a couple of them and key in on one guy that she has the most interest in. While communicating by email and playing waiting games to email him back (she doesn't want to seem desperate), she will continue to get more and more emails every day. Eventually it gets tiresome, and after a couple weeks, YOU send her your email: "Hey, how's it going? I like your picture of you doing _______, how did you ________? I'm a big fan of _________ as well. I think ________ is pretty funny and a lot of fun. I'm originally from ________ and I've studied ________ and enjoy doing _______. I think we have a bit in common, if you're interested in getting to know each other then it would be cool to get to know you. Got any big plans this holiday weekend?" She just sees that someone sent an email. She logs in, and goes to your profile before she reads the email. She looks at your pictures. Are you tall? Are you handsome/cute? She reads part of your profile, tries to find out what you're looking for. She critiques and judges (not just reads) the rest of your profile. Looks for flaws, looks for creepiness, looks for excitement....but it's just a profile, not who you REALLY are. Assuming she has any interest in your profile, THEN she reads your email. She's bored. She's heard it all before, she's already emailing a really hot guy who for all we know is just trying to get in her pants cuz he's got hot pictures and loves playing this game, so why should she bother taking the time to even respond to you? What's in it for her? She has options. Many many MANY options. Good options. What SHE thinks are better options.....because she's a woman....she has terrible judge in character. Again, it's just words on a screen, a profile, some pictures. That's all she has to go on about you, and unless she actually wants to give you the time to pay for her drinks or food or a night out, she will never get the chance to know if you're a great guy or not. So you keep looking. You play the numbers. Your ego gets shot just a little bit each time that you can see someone you took the time and effort to read their profile and send a nice email to didn't even respond. Eventually your ego gets a big hole in it and you lose self confidence. You may land dates, but she may not even look anything like her profile pictures. It may go well and she stops returning your phone calls. You could go on multiple dates that go really well in your eyes....then she disappears off the face of the earth because some one else with a cuter picture emailed her. That's online dating for a guy. It sucks. It's stupid. It's a waste. You will end up lowering your standards for a girl that is not worth your time, and probably not very attractive in the first place, yet SHE thinks she's a catch because 50 other desperate guys emailed her wanting a date. It's compared to being a bum on the street who digs through the dumpster to find a half eaten sandwich and falls in love with it. If you had money and a job you would be more selective about where you go out to eat, but since you have nothing, you go digging through the dumpster. Don't do it. From someone who's been there and done it, the good and the bad. It is a waste of your time. It's a perfect way to meet dudes if you're a girl. But you're not a girl, you're a guy, you have everything going against you in online dating.
surfrider4284 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I've done online dating for years, had some success with it, but honestly it's not something I can ever go back to. Ask yourself this question. You are at a bar where there are 50 guys, and 1 girl. You each take turns going up to the girl and saying "hi" or making an attempt to just start conversation with her. Some guys are just rude about it and say "hey, let's hook up" and some just babble on in paragraphs about themselves. This girl really hasn't told you very much about herself, she just looks very pretty or cute from the angle you can see her at. You don't know her agenda or what she's really looking for. Would you want to approach a girl that way? Personally that's just not my ideal situation for finding someone to connect with. Online dating enables women to pursue an agenda. Of the women available on those sites, very few have the same agenda as you. Even those that actually share the same values and agenda that you have (i.e. meeting someone nice and having a meaningful relationship), it's very very rare they're actually going to give you a chance. She doesn't have time to go out with every guy that will email her. She'll respond to the first 5 or so guys that email her, then drop a couple of them and key in on one guy that she has the most interest in. While communicating by email and playing waiting games to email him back (she doesn't want to seem desperate), she will continue to get more and more emails every day. Eventually it gets tiresome, and after a couple weeks, YOU send her your email: "Hey, how's it going? I like your picture of you doing _______, how did you ________? I'm a big fan of _________ as well. I think ________ is pretty funny and a lot of fun. I'm originally from ________ and I've studied ________ and enjoy doing _______. I think we have a bit in common, if you're interested in getting to know each other then it would be cool to get to know you. Got any big plans this holiday weekend?" She just sees that someone sent an email. She logs in, and goes to your profile before she reads the email. She looks at your pictures. Are you tall? Are you handsome/cute? She reads part of your profile, tries to find out what you're looking for. She critiques and judges (not just reads) the rest of your profile. Looks for flaws, looks for creepiness, looks for excitement....but it's just a profile, not who you REALLY are. Assuming she has any interest in your profile, THEN she reads your email. She's bored. She's heard it all before, she's already emailing a really hot guy who for all we know is just trying to get in her pants cuz he's got hot pictures and loves playing this game, so why should she bother taking the time to even respond to you? What's in it for her? She has options. Many many MANY options. Good options. What SHE thinks are better options.....because she's a woman....she has terrible judge in character. Again, it's just words on a screen, a profile, some pictures. That's all she has to go on about you, and unless she actually wants to give you the time to pay for her drinks or food or a night out, she will never get the chance to know if you're a great guy or not. So you keep looking. You play the numbers. Your ego gets shot just a little bit each time that you can see someone you took the time and effort to read their profile and send a nice email to didn't even respond. Eventually your ego gets a big hole in it and you lose self confidence. You may land dates, but she may not even look anything like her profile pictures. It may go well and she stops returning your phone calls. You could go on multiple dates that go really well in your eyes....then she disappears off the face of the earth because some one else with a cuter picture emailed her. That's online dating for a guy. It sucks. It's stupid. It's a waste. You will end up lowering your standards for a girl that is not worth your time, and probably not very attractive in the first place, yet SHE thinks she's a catch because 50 other desperate guys emailed her wanting a date. It's compared to being a bum on the street who digs through the dumpster to find a half eaten sandwich and falls in love with it. If you had money and a job you would be more selective about where you go out to eat, but since you have nothing, you go digging through the dumpster. Don't do it. From someone who's been there and done it, the good and the bad. It is a waste of your time. It's a perfect way to meet dudes if you're a girl. But you're not a girl, you're a guy, you have everything going against you in online dating. Do you think the above is true for very attractive guys? I've never really given online dating a shot due to opinions like yours (which I respect). To be perfectly honest, I think I'm a catch. I've done modeling work and think its fair to say I'm more attractive than 90% of guys out there. I'm normal, educated, have an athletic build, and have a good job. In your opinion, would online dating be any better for someone like myself? I really am not this conceited douchebag. I dont feel the need to talk myself up and have never spoke the way I just did in this post, in real life....I just want to be honest and hopefully get an honest opinion back.
GivenUp0083 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Do you think the above is true for very attractive guys? I've never really given online dating a shot due to opinions like yours (which I respect). To be perfectly honest, I think I'm a catch. I've done modeling work and think its fair to say I'm more attractive than 90% of guys out there. I'm normal, educated, have an athletic build, and have a good job. In your opinion, would online dating be any better for someone like myself? I really am not this conceited douchebag. I dont feel the need to talk myself up and have never spoke the way I just did in this post, in real life....I just want to be honest and hopefully get an honest opinion back. I can be honest about this. I don't consider myself an ugly dude, and I know women have been very attracted to me without me saying a word and I know I have good looks. However..... OKCupid does studies. They did a study where they sampled 8 or so profiles of guys who are, in my opinion, very attractive, tall, handsome dudes. They asked these women to rate these men: 80% of women found the sample set of men to be unattractive. These men were mixed in with other men in their "quick match" option where you just rate people and it lets them know if you are among a group of others that rated them high. So even the attractive men don't get every girl, or the majority at least. I'd chalk this up to being the fact that women on these sites have proven they can be very choosy. Maybe they are only looking for architects. Many she really wants a guy who is 10 years older. Maybe she wants a guy with a dog. Just read the section of profiles of women under: "You Should Message Me If..." If you need further evidence, you'll read their profiles, scroll to the bottom, and just read what they say. I'll tell you many of these women are dumb enough to list off "Don't Message Me If..." and bullet point 5-12 things you should not be or have if you want to email her. Again, I reiterate: She is getting so many emails, she can even afford to tell those to eff off that she already knows she won't like....and still get plenty of emails.
NicoleM Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I actually posted a thread saying I am thinking of throwing in the towel on dating sites. I have had nothing but bad luck. One guy suffered from G.I.G.S. ( look it up on here if you are unsure) the other guys I have e-mailed with just wanted FB and I am not into that. I also get the occasional skeezy guy that says what is your size?? Can I see them?? I guess if you want a decent person you have to join a pay site because the free one seem to be filled with skeezy guys at least that is what I have encountered.
GivenUp0083 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I actually posted a thread saying I am thinking of throwing in the towel on dating sites. I have had nothing but bad luck. One guy suffered from G.I.G.S. ( look it up on here if you are unsure) the other guys I have e-mailed with just wanted FB and I am not into that. I also get the occasional skeezy guy that says what is your size?? Can I see them?? I guess if you want a decent person you have to join a pay site because the free one seem to be filled with skeezy guys at least that is what I have encountered. If what you say were true, I'd have at least a 50% response rate from women since I have just a normal email, or try to be unique, funny, and actually show that I'm looking for something meaningful and I'm a great guy. Girls don't care about that and you should admit it. You've probably had many decent guys email you. If you don't think so, give me your login to your free site and I'll find quite a few in your inbox and point them out to you.
NicoleM Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Actually I haven't! I have seen guys look at my page and never e-mail me hello I see you visiting me. I get quivers all the time try and message them and do not get a response or I check out a guys page e-mail him and he doesn't say one word.
tigressA Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I was on OKCupid and I had quite a bit of success--plenty of dates, and a few relationships, including my current one. Yes, I am quite picky--most messages I received were from guys I wouldn't have been even vaguely attracted to in real life. I credit my success to crafting an interesting, funny, positve profile; having attractive, clear and recent photos (none more than a year old); and sending messages to men who piqued my interest instead of waiting for them to come to me.
oaks Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Your ego gets shot just a little bit each time that you can see someone you took the time and effort to read their profile and send a nice email to didn't even respond. Eventually your ego gets a big hole in it and you lose self confidence. This is where you went wrong. If your ego is that fragile then I agree that online dating won't work for you.
oaks Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I signed up for a few dating sites such as POF and OkCupid lately, so what are your thoughts? Are they worth it? If you mean "are they worth it compared with paid dating sites" then I'd say yes, but I haven't tried all of the paid dating sites.
OliveOyl Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 All you have to lose is time, and possibly a bit self-confidence, and depending on your personality. Oh, and money for dates. Hopefully. FWIW, I met my current BF on OKCupid, but I'm a female so your mileage may vary. I was on OKCupid for about 2-3 weeks, he had been on for over a year. It IS harrowing though, even for women, especially older women. I had disabled my account for a "break" even before I knew anything would happen with the guy I started seeing.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 This is where you went wrong. If your ego is that fragile then I agree that online dating won't work for you. It's perfectly natural for your ego to be a little dented during frustrations of online dating, so I disagree that you know what you're talking about. Online dating did work for me, I went on easily 20+ dates with different women and my last relationship was from OKC. I just think the whole process is stupid and favored toward one sex....female. The OP wanted to know so I told him. I painted a vivid picture of what to expect. I didn't lie about anything. Not worth the time.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Actually I haven't! I have seen guys look at my page and never e-mail me hello I see you visiting me. I get quivers all the time try and message them and do not get a response or I check out a guys page e-mail him and he doesn't say one word. PM me your login, I don't believe you. I've known too many friends who are women, even unattractive ones, get plenty of emails from very decent looking and well spoken men.
Disillusioned Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Fees aside, the free sites are just as bad as the pay sites. People are going to get on those sites and act immature no matter whether they have to pay for them or not.
tigressA Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 PM me your login, I don't believe you. I've known too many friends who are women, even unattractive ones, get plenty of emails from very decent looking and well spoken men. Oh, please. You don't believe her because she's a woman and according to you, they're "terrible judges in character", so may as well just paint them as liars, too! No surprise that you're single again...
NicoleM Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Thank you TigeresA I do not have to explain myself you to Givenup nor do I have to tell you my login. Why would I lie about things like that?? I tell the truth whether you believe me or not that is your choice.
GivenUp0083 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Oh, please. You don't believe her because she's a woman and according to you, they're "terrible judges in character", so may as well just paint them as liars, too! No surprise that you're single again... Thank you TigeresA I do not have to explain myself you to Givenup nor do I have to tell you my login. Why would I lie about things like that?? I tell the truth whether you believe me or not that is your choice. Sorry, but unless she's hideous or weighs 300 lbs, I don't believe that zero decent men messaged her. I have a right to my opinion, I just don't believe her.
NicoleM Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Define decent. Does decent mean hey want to come to my house and get it on?? I don't think so not into FB. Does decent mean can I see some nude photos?? I don't think so. Does decent mean hey I will pretend to care what you are talking about we will have a conversation but it will lead into hey what position do you like? Umm ya I don't think those guys are decent and I haven't found a decent guy yet.
PhillyDude Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 POF and craiglist are the best free sites out there.
Rinnix Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I found that the free sites (more so on POF) were filled with guys who were just looking to get physical. I'm not saying that there isn't some diamonds in there, but what I witnessed was terrible. My good friend had made a account on POF & OKC, she didn't even have a picture up yet she had already numerous messages from men asking her if she was attractive and if she was seeking a FWB. When she did put her photo up, she had numerous harassing mails. When she rejected one guy - he then decided to send her 10+ inappropriate mails on what he wanted/ planned on doing to her. She had to block at least 5+ guys. Another one would beg and beg to meet up, even after she told him she had no interest. Overall, it was a terrible thing to see. As again, I know there are some good guys in there, but it was real a search.
PhillyDude Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I found that the free sites (more so on POF) were filled with guys who were just looking to get physical. I'm not saying that there isn't some diamonds in there, but what I witnessed was terrible. My good friend had made a account on POF & OKC, she didn't even have a picture up yet she had already numerous messages from men asking her if she was attractive and if she was seeking a FWB. When she did put her photo up, she had numerous harassing mails. When she rejected one guy - he then decided to send her 10+ inappropriate mails on what he wanted/ planned on doing to her. She had to block at least 5+ guys. Another one would beg and beg to meet up, even after she told him she had no interest. Overall, it was a terrible thing to see. As again, I know there are some good guys in there, but it was real a search. I would think that a guy on a pay site would be looking to get physical too since he put out his money.
Rinnix Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I would think that a guy on a pay site would be looking to get physical too since he put out his money. Well it's likely. It honestly made me afraid to be single seeing these guys. I would not want to be using a dating site, I wouldn't be able to put up with messages of mistreatment. A lady should be treated with respect. She was 19-20 when she joined, she had 30-50 year old's asking her if she was interested in FWB'S as well. Id also like to point out that CL is the last place I would ever take seriously for dating. I post in the platonic section, and when men mail me back they clearly don't understand what "platonic" means. Its as if they lurk there thinking women secretly want relationships.
happilytaken1999 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 i tried okcupid once, i didn't have any luck, but i wasn't on for long. I do have to say, that the amount of ways they have to match you up with people are awesome. It's worth a try in my book, just gotta be careful on the interwebs. >.>
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