GlassPrisoner79 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I've been dating this girl for about 9 months now. Things are great, we hang out with each other at least 5 to 6 times a week (we sleep over each others' places). Things are going perfect. So I think. I find out that she's still talking to her ex boyfriend (who lives in New Zealand). I found out because I figured out she was doing tricky Facebook privacy configurations to hide my endearing wall posts from him. I confronted her and she finally admitted it. She says she likes me, she just doesn't know how to have a friendly relationship with him while being with me. She claims she doesn't want to hurt him by him knowing she's with someone else. I felt this was so deceiving! This spiraled into a huge blow out and I started asking her about her commitment to me. She says she lives day to day, and doesn't think about the future, because it scares her. She is originally from Texas, so she says she doesn't see herself living in NYC forever. I agreed but I told her I hope I was on consideration for a compromise, should this day ever arrise. Anyways, I'm heartbroken over this. I feel betrayed and we are still together, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I think what happened was I took this relationship way more seriously than she did, so I understand the 'living the day to day' and not thinking future just yet. In the mean time, I don't want to get screwed over while I could be potentially meeting another girl.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Personally, I would walk away from it. Clearly, she is not over her ex. And that it, assuming he is indeed an ex. If/when that guy comes back from New Zealand, there's a good chance she would go back to him. Perhaps that's why she's keeping you a secret. In situations like this, always go with your gut.
Author GlassPrisoner79 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 I forgot to mention that her ex is from New Zealand, so the reason they didn't work out is the obvious long distance. He is not coming back.
Mimolicious Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I've been dating this girl for about 9 months now. Things are great, we hang out with each other at least 5 to 6 times a week (we sleep over each others' places). Things are going perfect. So I think. I find out that she's still talking to her ex boyfriend (who lives in New Zealand). I found out because I figured out she was doing tricky Facebook privacy configurations to hide my endearing wall posts from him. I confronted her and she finally admitted it. She says she likes me, she just doesn't know how to have a friendly relationship with him while being with me. She claims she doesn't want to hurt him by him knowing she's with someone else. I felt this was so deceiving! This spiraled into a huge blow out and I started asking her about her commitment to me. She says she lives day to day, and doesn't think about the future, because it scares her. She is originally from Texas, so she says she doesn't see herself living in NYC forever. I agreed but I told her I hope I was on consideration for a compromise, should this day ever arrise. Anyways, I'm heartbroken over this. I feel betrayed and we are still together, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I think what happened was I took this relationship way more seriously than she did, so I understand the 'living the day to day' and not thinking future just yet. In the mean time, I don't want to get screwed over while I could be potentially meeting another girl. Oh hone, don't waste your time. I mean, let's be for real. She is protecting the feeling of someone that is thousands of miles away, yet you are the one who is physically here giving her your time and attention, yet she dismisses your feelings?! She got some nerves. If she was from New Zealand I would probably say that she is here trying to get hooked up with a greencard and settling her future situation there. You said she is from Texas though. Sounds strange. Get out there and start migling, odds are if you sit around and honor this relationship you will get screwed over.
Mike B. Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Anyways, I'm heartbroken over this. I feel betrayed and we are still together, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I think what happened was I took this relationship way more seriously than she did, so I understand the 'living the day to day' and not thinking future just yet. In the mean time, I don't want to get screwed over while I could be potentially meeting another girl. I can't help but to see her slowly walking toward the front door here. I wouldn't risk it. She is so unsure of the relationship. I think she is letting you down easy. This is not hard to imagine considering that she is having trouble telling a guy that lives in New Zealand that she is dating you.
Art_Critic Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 What would you do If she did this to you? Seriously.. it would be "Next" What a total disrespect for you and your relationship she has.. but she was protecting HIM by hiding those posts not you. Next..
Feelin Frisky Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Start getting used to it not working out and don't pass at any other opportunities. Use this one like she uses you--if you can stand it.
sammielove Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Start getting used to it not working out and don't pass at any other opportunities. Use this one like she uses you--if you can stand it. I also agree....Even if he lives far away and isn't coming back she still shouldn't have a relationship with him over the phone or internet...She is in the wrong!
tigressA Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Nine months and this type of thing? Dump. Don't hang around, just get rid of her. If she can't give you more than "I live day to day" after nine months, let her live day to day on her own. Seconded. Dump her. She's more worried about the feelings of a guy who's thousands of miles away than you, who's right there day in and day out. Don't put up with that kind of treatment.
Ginger Beer Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I've been in this situation. My advice: walk away. Unlike you, I went along with it. She treated me like **** then tried to get back with him (saw a lot of things I didn't want to on FB which proved this) and completely messed my head up. Honestly mate, just **** her off.
BobSacamento Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I would definitely take a step back man. She isn't taking you seriously. You are like a joke to her. She'd be lucky to even get a text break up.
runner Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 how about you rephrase the question...are you comfortable being the other man ?
Recommended Posts