AmaYoc Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I dated my ex for almost a year and a half when he decided to break up with me because he didn't think he should have to call me everyday. He worked over 40 hours a week, took 12 hours of classes, and lived with his super controlling parents 40 minutes away from where I live. I understood he didn't have much time, so I only asked for him to call me once after he got off work at night. That was too much for him, so we broke up. He was my first sexual partner. No one else had ever made me feel the way he did. I felt complete. He could be one of the sweetest guys ever. But sometimes he got stressed and would have breakdowns. But anyways, we've been broken up for over 2 months. I hang out with other guys all the time, but feel nothing. My ex and I still talk sometimes and last week he asked if we could be friends with benefits. I agreed because I have decided I'm not really looking for a relationship with anyone right now. I kind of want to have fun since I never got to experience the single college life. I really still think that he's "the one." He showed up at my place this past weekend. We hadn't seen each other for a couple months. I still felt almost the same way for him. We had sex and talked a lot. He said I could find a better guy than him, so he doesn't wanna hold me down it seems like. He also now lives 3 hours away from me, so distance kind of sucks. He doesn't want a relationship right now either. So that's why we decided to be friends with benefits for now. I still would like for us to end up together someday - married. everything. Is this a terribly bad idea to try to just do the friends with benefits thing? After our last "encounter" I havent felt attached really. I don't care as much about what he does as when we were in a relationship. Does this make it okay? haha any thoughts and suggestions are welcome!
sinnister Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Was separation anxiety at first...now it seems to be passing. Seems funny he'll drive 3 hours for sex but wants you to "find someone better". Dudes always, ALWAYS say this to a FWB to keep you from wanting more...keeps the expectation level down..but keeps the honesty up enough so you'd trust having the sex lol. You're getting detached from that scenario naturally...it's okay to change the parameters of the r/s appropriately as well. Usually w/out even telling him, unless ure literally doing "booty calls"..then just kill the expectation..he'll get the hint.
Beeotch Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I think you already know..... I can see this being a disaster more than some mutually beneficial thing, especially in the case where you were dumped. When my ex and I broke up, I fooled myself into thinking I could "casually" have sex with him WRONG! If you want to marry him someday....trust me...this FWB thing is not something you should be doing, it will backfire. I don't believe FWB exists....I believe you can have acquaintances with benefits aka booty calls; people you have NO romantic attachment to, people who you hardly ever speak to unless you're flirting before you plan to meet up for sex, where you BOTH know you would never date each other, where you never think of them and what they're doing when they're not around and if they got serious with someone else you wouldn't care. With a "friend" who you talk to often and hang out with me and so on, what's the difference between that and a relationship???? Since a relationship IMO is a friendship with sex.......the area can get VERY gray and messed up! I believe in clear boundaries. From experience I have tried those ambiguous relationships, misguided FWB scenarios with an ex and ALL of those things ended up being where one person (often times ME) ended up being confused, having expectations that went unmet, feeling used and then everything dissolving. You're either with someone or not, you're broken up or not. If you aren't together anymore then there doesn't need to be any sex. Don't get yourself into some ambiguous position. Respect yourself and decide it's all or nothing. Like I said, acquaintances with benefits is one thing but going into FWB scenarios with an ex, you still have feelings for is an illusion, it is a mind trick that you tell yourself, to keep things going that DOESN'T WORK because you're not being truthful with yourself about what it is you want and why you're doing it. I've been there, done that and it was a mess and I would NEVER do something like that again...not to mention this person will lose respect for you...and I was disgusted at myself. So please don't.
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