Arizonaheart Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I will try to make it short, sweet and to the point. Dating for 6 months- we are both single parents. Still getting a good feel for the relationship - so far so good. We are together whenever he doesn't have his kids or when we are not working. Otherwise we can enjoy phone conversations throughout the day. He gives all indications that he is truly in this relationship for the long haul. This past weekend though...his daughter (although not biological, he was with her from the time she was 2-8yrs old and yes he has visitation w/her)had a bday. It is his bit to take his kids to a water park type hotel, usually just him & the kids. Well I come to discover "BabyMama" (they had been done for about a year) joined them on this overnighter. He swears that it was a 2 bdrm hotel suite & nothing more than casual talking took place. He claims the only reason she was even there is because his little bday girl begged & pleaded that mom join them. There were 4 kids with them & he stated that his little boy slept w/him. Trying real hard to sort out my emotions right now. I just lost my daughter earlier this month to Leukemia & he has been a tremendous source of support. Do I dumped him over this? Is ending the relationship my knee jerk reaction as I have been cheated on in past relationships? Looking for clarity... Thx
thatone Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 you have to trust him until he proves he's not worthy of trust. if you get rid of this one you'll justify getting rid of all of the other ones who have ex wives and kids. you can't get rid of his kids and his ex. he's going to be around her sometimes until those kids are grown. that's just the way it is. there's no way to trust people without trusting them. either stop dating people with ex wives and kids or accept the fact that the ex by way of the kids will be around sometimes.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I am very sorry for your loss ... I hope that all goes well with this relationship, as it sounds like it's been a very good thing for you. I understand why you'd feel uneasy; especially since you "came to discover" that the ex was there rather than your boyfriend just telling you upfront that that was the way it would be. What's the reason behind that? Be sure to let him know that you need to be appraised of such things in advance, going forward.
thatone Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I am very sorry for your loss ... I hope that all goes well with this relationship, as it sounds like it's been a very good thing for you. I understand why you'd feel uneasy; especially since you "came to discover" that the ex was there rather than your boyfriend just telling you upfront that that was the way it would be. What's the reason behind that? Be sure to let him know that you need to be appraised of such things in advance, going forward. are you even reading these before replying? a) she didn't lose anything, what exactly are you sorry for her losing? she lose her keys or something? b) as you advised the poor 19-22 year old kid in the other thread, he's not married to her he doesn't have to ask her permission c) he told her the situation, she can believe it or not. she has a lot better odds of knowing the truth than we do.
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Author Arizonaheart Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 are you even reading these before replying? a) she didn't lose anything, what exactly are you sorry for her losing? she lose her keys or something? b) as you advised the poor 19-22 year old kid in the other thread, he's not married to her he doesn't have to ask her permission c) he told her the situation, she can believe it or not. she has a lot better odds of knowing the truth than we do. I appreciated what you mentioned in your initial post "you have to trust him until he proves he's not worthy of trust" Thank you for that well kinda grab me by the shoulders advice. You are correct. Thank you Mme for responding and for your condolences in the loss of my daughter (not my keys, however I would have much rather have lost my keys). I did ask him why he didn't tell me. It all happened fairly quickly but he was mostly concerned about giving me any more reason to fret given my recent loss. We may not be married but I believe in a mature relationship there should be mutual respect and communication. Also need to pick your battles I guess. I am still not crazy about the idea but this situation has brought us to draw hose lines in the sand so to speak. Guess what upset me is that is not something I would do since I would prefer to be certain I abstain from all appearances of doubt in a relationship and this obviously can bring up many doubts and questions. Next time if the kids insist momma goes, I go too Yea we will see how that blows over...
nothappyjan Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 are you even reading these before replying? a) she didn't lose anything, what exactly are you sorry for her losing? she lose her keys or something? b) as you advised the poor 19-22 year old kid in the other thread, he's not married to her he doesn't have to ask her permission c) he told her the situation, she can believe it or not. she has a lot better odds of knowing the truth than we do. Are you a moron thatone. She said in her post she lost her daughter to lukemia- maybe you are the jerk that needs a reading lesson:sick:
thatone Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 wow i completely missed the last paragraph, i'm sorry. but the rest is still true. he told you the situation, you have to decide whether to believe him or not. i don't think it's an inherently guilty situation, he could very well be telling the truth and in that case it would be as innocent as he suggests. and yeah, mme., consider a little consistency. you just told a kid in another thread that he was 'controlling' for wanting a conversation. but it isn't 'controlling' for you to suggest her man ask permission to see his kids with the ex around. right....
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