learned76 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Last week was my girlfriend's birthday. We've been together for two years. Both years, I screwed up and did not get her anything for her birthday. This year, I did get a cake and had her friends come by her work to hang out and spend time with her a couple days before her birthday. Then on her birthday, I took the day off of work and went with her and her friend to go to a talk show she loves. I then took the ladies to dinner. After I dropped off her friend, I was bringing my girl home and I told her that I didn't have anything else for her. She immediately got very upset and disappointed. She never expects big gifts or anything...just card or a hand-written letter would suffice...yet I still didn't do it!!! She's very much into the little things in a relationship, and things like cards or presents mean so much to her. The kicker here is that I do get her things and treat her well on other occasions and holidays, but have systematically failed on her birthday. Here's the other kicker - I absolutely love this woman very much and am always supportive, helpful and talkative with her. We had an open line of communication with each other, had fantastic times together and genuinely enjoyed each other's company. Lately, however, I've noticed that I've been exhibiting signs of depression. I don't know how long it's been going on for sure, but I think it's been happening for the majority of our relationship. She started feeling like something was not right or was missing in our relationship. I know what it is now - me! I think this had played a mjor role in my failings with her. The sad thing is that the damage is done and she broke up with me the night of her birthday. What I can't really answer is why I did not do the simple thing of getting her a card? It's so easy and I love her so much...but I didn't and now I've lost her. Of course, I do not blame her for feeling dissappointed and I feel so ashamed and embarrased that I've done this to her twice! I have a huge hole in my heart right now and feel like the world has ended. I wish I could make her see how I really feel about her...the smile I get each time I picture her kind, loving face...but I messed up the perfect opportunities. Anyway - that is my recent experience. I don't get why I did what I did...only regret the hell out of it because I really, honestly did adore and love her without limits. Tragic to me as she didn't deserve anything less than to be shown true love...and I don't think I deserve to suffer either (although I did earn it). Thoughts?
sinnister Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Sounds like a pretty decent b/day present the year prior, then she got all sentimental and anal about it, and put you off. So, your subconscious decided to sabotage/decrease the value of the next one. That's just human attraction/dynamics...when we feel taken for granted..we stop putting ourselves out there. She broke up for u for many reasons...but u should've just gotten her a gift just b/c..that's just wrong. But f--k a card lol. It's just so she can have a trophy.
Exit Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Were you starting to realize your depression and everything leading up to her birthday? Or not until after all this happened? Maybe if some part of you knew things weren't right, you didn't give her a card or anything personal because maybe part of you wanted to sabotage this. Maybe not. Just a thought. Look, to me it sounds like you did a decent amount for her birthday. It's not like you did absolutely nothing. Taking her out and getting her friends involved is very nice of you. I can understand if she still misses the personal touch of a letter or a card, but I can also say she might be over reacting a bit. You could have tried explaining to her that you thought your feelings for her were apparent by the plans you arranged for her birthday and in getting everything all set up you just didn't find the time to sit down and write things out on paper. But really it seems beyond that now. If she wants to be upset with you and stay upset, and risk having a future with you all over a card or a letter, that's the choice she's making, not you. If you say you guys always had open lines of communication, have you told her the things that you've typed here? Have you explained to her that you were starting to notice that depression may have been creeping in to your life? Have you apologized and tell her how bad you feel that despite your best efforts, you forgot to put a personal touch on the birthday celebration and you hate that it hurt her? If it's not too late to still get in touch with her and try to talk, there's nothing wrong with trying to explain yourself. Is she so far gone that she is refusing to talk or has said she never wants to hear from you again? If not, give her some space, but maybe show her that you CAN take the time to sit down and put your feelings on paper, and write her a letter. You've been together for 2 years, this sounds like a pretty hasty reason to break up and either you will get through it or she just didn't want to make it work. Humans make mistakes, giving up on a life with someone over birthday cards and other stuff is kinda silly.
MissMoni Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I don't think this was about the card. Did she give you any specific reasons besides it wasn't working? Usually when someone breaks up "out of the blue" they have been considering that option for a while, so there must have been other things that she had a problem with that maybe she never really voiced to you. Still, I agree that that is a pretty hasty reason to break up with someone you have been with for 2 years...seems like the card was an excuse to do something she's wanted to do for a while.
Author learned76 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 Yes - there were other reasons. She said something didn't feel right anymore. It's been a few weeks she's felt this. That was about it. I'm sure the lack of a gift or card was the straw that broke that camel's back. She told me she didn't want to lose me, but didn't want to continue our relationship. It's been about a week since the breakup, so things are still very raw. I find myself obsessing about every detail and if attention was one of the things lacking...it's here in full-force now. I haven't slept for more than an hour each day for the past week, and I can't eat all that well still. It's just so incredibly hard to imagine a life without her. But, it's too late, the damage is done, and she ended thing with me. We still talk a little here and there, mostly nervous chit-chat. I miss getting txt's and calls from her, but I think she just doesn't feel anything for me that would warrant that. Just a sad state of affairs really...
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