Janeyx Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Right here goes - I've been in kind of a relashonship for over 5 years now, we met at the age of 15 and have both been in each others lives since. He has ended the relashonship alot, because he wasnt ready for commintment, doesn't love me, not sure he knows what love is, met another female. But me being the silly person i've always took him back and fell back in his spell believing him all over again, literally i fall for his love you comments every time, its as if im in a spell, trapped. The past year we really worked things out, but that was prob because he was going away with the Army for 6 months, we had the most amazing time before he went and when he was home. A few weeks into him being home it started to break off, he got bored wanted to spend more time with his friends, started hiding his phone and social networking sites from me, then we had a holiday booked and we went together and he was so amazing with me i got my hopes up AGAIN. Then we got back...and he told me again he didn't love me and he wishes he could because he knows i am right for him. I know i should of walked away from this from the beginning but thats the problem, why can't i just walk away, he changed his telephone number and a week later rang me, so now we are back in touch, we see each other now and then because he misses my company and vise versa, but there is no sight in getting back together. I dont know what this means, when i ask its a huge argument and i just give up, i feel as if maybe he is just keeping me around incase nothing better comes along. Bare in mind he has been in numerous relashonships and always missed me and came back. It is such a mess, i started to really pick myself up when he changed his number and felt so happy, and then he rang and i got the whole sorry story. I just can't understand why can't he just let me go and leave me alone!? I am so weak for that boy i just cant find the strength to walk away.... ADVICE please!
sinnister Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 FWB. Nothing more...if anyone can get all of you/your best w/o investment, they will. Raise your value and he'll have more to pay to get it. Can chalk it up to immaturity on his part..but who's going to be his teacher? He'll respect u, work more for u if he thinks you're worth it if you make him. The fear in most about this is you'll find he really didn't value u that highly..but was really good at leading u on. Again, not any knock against you as a person..some people just like having that skeleton key to our best. Good luck.
Exit Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 You're both young. If this started when you were 15, have you even had a serious relationship other than with him? When he would leave you and run off with other people, did you date others as well, or just always sat around until he came back? If he's pretty much the only one, you owe it to yourself to get out there and have some of the fun that he has been having. If you think he's the one for you, make sure you have proof of that. Let yourself go on dates and if you sit there thinking no guy will ever be like him, fine. But I kinda doubt that. He sounds immature and disrespectful to hide websites from you, change phone numbers, then resurface again, there are guys out there that will love you enough not to do that to you and who won't have you on a roller coaster for 5 years. You deserve commitment or you deserve to be free. You said yourself, when he changed his number you were beginning to feel good about things and then he pops up again. Maybe you've allowed this to go on for so long that he thinks you're okay with it. But obviously you would like him to be a real boyfriend. And don't let him play that game where "every time I try to talk to him about it, it turns into an argument", that makes it look like your fault. This is something that SHOULD be talked about. My ex tried to do the same thing with me, 2 months of still hanging out after breaking up, and I would start conversations to remind her that I don't want to be friends and I wanted us to be trying again, and it would turn into blow ups, but she would never give me an answer, so I'd have to ask all over again in a few days. You may look at it as you guys have 5 years of history already and surely you'll end up together, but maybe he just looks at you as the casual girl he always returns to when he wants attention and then he runs off again. So you gotta make sure you're on the same page, you may think you're waiting for the love of your life to settle down and commit to you, and in his mind he may know that he never plans to get serious with you and just comes around because you're there. Everyone likes attention. If I knew some girl where I could pop up every once in a while and get affection from her and then block her and change my phone number and then pop up again, I'd probably take advantage of it. He's taking advantage of you. It's great to love someone so much that you try to see past their flaws and mistakes, but you can't get to the point of putting his needs above yours, that's being codependent, staying loyal to a relationship or situation long after it has become harmful to you, putting someone else's needs above yours, sometimes doing that is what makes you feel like you love someone so much, but you really need to love yourself equally as much. Don't blame yourself and call yourself weak. You have feelings for him, and if he is going to come and go and use you like this, it is hard for you not to be happy just to spend the time with him. He is weak for not realizing you're a human being just like he is and you deserve some concrete answers. Try to get an answer out of him. Tell him this stuff has been happening for 5 years and you would like a little stability in your life. He either needs to be that guy you can count on to be around for you, or you need the freedom to go find someone who will. If he avoids the question, or just tries to turn it into an argument and distract you, that still qualifies as him saying no.
Recommended Posts