Scrivdog Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 It's not all that complicated. Just read messages from this board and you'll notice one common thread from all the men who cheat : 1) They've been denied sexual contact for extended periods of time with no reasonable explanation from dear wifey 2) They usually have tried to discuss it with the wife many times. They even come here on this here advice board to find new, innovative ways to get through to her 3) Another lady comes along and treats them like the wife used to back when they were dating 3) They finally cheat Ladies here need to heed to the warning signs. They're there.
Author Looking for answers Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 It's not all that complicated. Just read messages from this board and you'll notice one common thread from all the men who cheat : 1) They've been denied sexual contact for extended periods of time with no reasonable explanation from dear wifey 2) They usually have tried to discuss it with the wife many times. They even come here on this here advice board to find new, innovative ways to get through to her 3) Another lady comes along and treats them like the wife used to back when they were dating 3) They finally cheat Ladies here need to heed to the warning signs. They're there. And if there not there? If there has never once been the discussion of wanting/needing more? Then what are the signs? What is the trigger?
Owl Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 LFA...what do you want to happen, now that you have this information? Do you want him to stop? Do you care? What do you want to change, or not change? Start there.
Scrivdog Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 And if there not there? If there has never once been the discussion of wanting/needing more? Then what are the signs? What is the trigger? Then it had nothing to do with you. If you didn't get told that there was a problem then there was no way for you do act on anything, right?
Author Looking for answers Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 LFA...what do you want to happen, now that you have this information? Do you want him to stop? Do you care? What do you want to change, or not change? Start there. I want him to stop I know that, I do care, I care about him/us, I care if he catches something etc I just am having a hard time with the how to start the conversation. Even though I know some of the answers. I am still afraid of them
Owl Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Stop being afraid. Like I said...get angry. It'll serve you much better in this situation than fear will. MUCH, MUCH more likely to help you work out the outcome that you have in mind. If you're afraid to take control of the situation...you've already lost the battle to get the outcome that you need.
Memphis Raines Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 It's not all that complicated. Just read messages from this board and you'll notice one common thread from all the men who cheat : 1) They've been denied sexual contact for extended periods of time with no reasonable explanation from dear wifey 2) They usually have tried to discuss it with the wife many times. They even come here on this here advice board to find new, innovative ways to get through to her 3) Another lady comes along and treats them like the wife used to back when they were dating 3) They finally cheat Ladies here need to heed to the warning signs. They're there. and guys like you simply aren't suited for monogamous life.
Spark1111 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Stop being afraid. Like I said...get angry. It'll serve you much better in this situation than fear will. MUCH, MUCH more likely to help you work out the outcome that you have in mind. If you're afraid to take control of the situation...you've already lost the battle to get the outcome that you need. I agree with OWL! What are you afraid of? Would he be okay with you getting sexually satisfied outside the marriage by strangers, or would he freak out? He is taking advantage of his travelling job to well, take advantage. How long has this been going on? Do you suspect he has been unfaithful for the duration of your marriage? Do you know how high your risk is for STDs? What is there to understand other than your husband does not respect you enough to remain faithful to you????!!!!! And you are afraid of HIS anger because you found it on HIS cell phone? What kind of marriage do you currently have? What kind of marriage do you want? There is no such thing as snooping in a marriage. I have access to all his passwords and he has access to all mine. Get angry LFA. Get good and angry. This is totally unacceptable, unless he intends to allow you to do the same, which may be laughable. Do it face to face.
Geminigrl Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I think some folks need an exit affair to end the marriage. I hope you do not go back to your marriage. Your H will not change. However, some folks cheat when they are in good marriages. That is another issue and it seems the IP had a nice marital relationship with her H. Thanks, Pierre....I know he won't change and it helps to hear someone else say it. I'm taking a ton of heat from my family because they think if he's not screaming, yelling or otherwise verbally/physically abusing me, I should stay. They don't seem to understand that completely emotionally neglecting your spouse for years on end hurts as much as any other type abuse.
John Michael Kane Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 People cheat because they don't care about nobody but themselves. End of story.
OldOnTheInside Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 i get the issue of wives that have no desire to have sex with the H. However, the bigger issue is why has the woman lost her desire to have sex? Why is this the fault of the woman? Everyone knows women need emotional intimacy and the meeting of emotional needs before they get horny. I say any H that has a wife that is not interested in sex must be doing something wrong at home. Possibly. Maybe the husband is simply a jerk*ss. Maybe the wife has some unresolved skeletons in her closet. It could just be biological issue. Trust me, there are a million and one reasons why a wife's sex drive dries up. Odds are it's just a reflection of a marriage already in trouble.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 It's not all that complicated. Just read messages from this board and you'll notice one common thread from all the men who cheat : ... Ladies here need to heed to the warning signs. They're there. and guys like you simply aren't suited for monogamous life. Scrivdog is describing a celibate life. I'm gonna make a wild assumption and say he'd be wildly happy with a monogamous life.
Memphis Raines Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Scrivdog is describing a celibate life. I'm gonna make a wild assumption and say he'd be wildly happy with a monogamous life. he isn't describing a celibate life. he is saying, "you don't meet every one of my little needs, and I'll go off and f*** other women". thats his attitude and he blames his wife for his inability to keep it in his pants. Read his story and you'll see he doesn't respect his wife and talks about her like a c***
Author Looking for answers Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Ok so I didn't get good and angry last night I was emotionally drained by the time I got home from work. Kids were there etc. I slept on the couch and am good and angry today now that I have read all the posts. Tonight is the night Ian going to confront him!! Good luck to me!
What_Next Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 When all is said and done, perhaps not confronting him right away is not such a bad idea. It gives you time to strategize. If all else fails it gives you time to choose the best frying pan to clunk him with. All kidding aside, sit him down and tell him what you have found, tell him that there is NO getting out of the fact that he cheated. I'd personally tell him right then and there that ANY lying means you are done with the marriage. Give him a chance to come 100% clean. Start from there.
Recommended Posts