69ways Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 She has been texting and I ignored her. I want to go NC for making it better on me as she has been giving me bread crumbs for 4 months now. Should i tell her to call only if she wants me back or just ignore her. I want her back....
marqueemoon4 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 i would just keep with the NC... she'll figure it out eventually.
betterdeal Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Your actions and your words do not match. If you want her back, being out of contact is not being together, is it? You have three main choices: 1. maintain the relationship as it is now. 2. call her (call, not text) and ask to meet up to discuss you two. if you meet, discuss you two, as a thing, dispense with the small talk as soon as you can, reach a conclusion. 3. change your phone number, block her number or reply "leave me alone, I have nothing to say to you". Currently you are in a state of abstinence, accepting tiny slivers of food in the form of text messages from her. You're not enjoying it, although it is a necessary step in your journey. If you cannot do 2 above, this tells me that you are not ready to see her, never mind date her. Your subconscious is your guide. It guides you through feelings. If your feelings prevent you from doing something, don't do it, be glad you recognised those feelings, and do something else, like 3 above, for instance.
Author 69ways Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 Ok I understand what you mean, maybe i did not explain myself as i should. so to recap, is it better to tell the dumper you going NC or just ignore them if your wish is to be together again
betterdeal Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 The best thing to do is to lose contact with them. Telling them anything, even to tell them you are not talking to them, is talking to them. Lose contact and let go.
cwmerk Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Im a bit confused. You say you want her back and that shes been texting you. Unless you know for sure if they are "breadcrumbs" why not give her a call and find out why she is texting you. If you then think they are indeed breadcrumbs then tell her what you want to tell her. Maybe she wants to be with you too....
Author 69ways Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 She is confused I believe because i told her I love her and no reply over the phone. Then she ignores me for a day , even when I call so I text you like to hurt me and I get back thats not true and dont be angry please. I have not reply....
Exit Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 At the very start of NC, I see nothing wrong with informing the other person how and why you are going to do it, to make sure they don't get the wrong idea and think you're being mean, but that you want to heal. If you've already been doing it for a while, well then you'd have to break that NC just to inform them of what you're doing. If you call her and she doesn't answer, obviously she isn't very interested in working it out. If she was really after trying to fix your relationship, she would pick up the phone as soon as it rings and be glad to hear from you.
Author 69ways Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 (edited) She called And I was busy so called her back and guess what? She ignored me only to call me back the next day. She said I ignored her so he ignored me........ I asked her not to call me again unless there is something very very serious to tell me as we got outstanding money issues. I told her I understand we are over and she is not coming back and she confirmed that again so its pointless to for her to bother me. She did not like that. She said:How will I know if you are ok? You will not , I replied. She ended up admitting it might be better like that as she only kept contact to help me go through the breakup easier and that she never replied to my love messages because she knows its hard on me (what a nice person ) I called her back just to tell her something about the money but I heard she was pissed off. So I guess thats finished........ Edited June 6, 2011 by 69ways
betterdeal Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 So I guess thats finished........ It's not what you've lost; it's what you find, that matters.
Author 69ways Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 After this relationship its over for me. I know people will say ,oh don't worry you be ok, find another girl. This one was the ONE but unfortunately some times we take things as granted or the circumstances don't work with us and we end up loosing the ONE....
MidnightinMadrid Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 I wouldnt say anything just do NC,if you read lots of threads about NC they tell you just fall of the face of the earth,meaning dissapear. Telling the person your doing NC is not constructive. Plus she just want to keep giving you crumbs to feed her ego,you want to keep taking them or be a man and sAY SCREW THIS.
Author 69ways Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 I wouldnt say anything just do NC,if you read lots of threads about NC they tell you just fall of the face of the earth,meaning dissapear. Telling the person your doing NC is not constructive. Plus she just want to keep giving you crumbs to feed her ego,you want to keep taking them or be a man and sAY SCREW THIS. I said screw this but made it clear why I dont want her to speak to me, because I did not want to come across mean and destroy any future chances BUT also wanted her to understand that she has only been bringing pain to me and nothing else by maintaining contact. She will be ignored if she tries anything , I have said to myself I deserve better and she does not appreciate me at the moment so screw her
betterdeal Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 After this relationship its over for me. I know people will say ,oh don't worry you be ok, find another girl. This one was the ONE but unfortunately some times we take things as granted or the circumstances don't work with us and we end up loosing the ONE.... The idea of The One must be awful for widows and widowers. Who'd construct a world like that?
Mary Shadows Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Your actions and your words don't match up. Relationships aren't a cat and mouse game. If you're hurting, and you need time to collect yourself, than leave the poor woman alone. Stringing her along, and telling her you're going NC sends mixed signals. I had it happen to me. This jerk off called to tell me that he has a gf, and he was thinking of me. Then he proceeded to say "if I ever call you, can it be on my own time?" um..no' that's abusive, and manipulative. Either let this woman go, or be truthful with your feelings!
Author 69ways Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 Your actions and your words don't match up. Relationships aren't a cat and mouse game. If you're hurting, and you need time to collect yourself, than leave the poor woman alone. Stringing her along, and telling her you're going NC sends mixed signals. I had it happen to me. This jerk off called to tell me that he has a gf, and he was thinking of me. Then he proceeded to say "if I ever call you, can it be on my own time?" um..no' that's abusive, and manipulative. Either let this woman go, or be truthful with your feelings! Are you serious? Poor woman? This is the most immature unstable reply I have ever seen. She is the one who drives me mad as she does not leave me alone for 4 months now. Trying to help me forget her by contacting me? What? What feminist planet are you from? She has not even left me alone for more than two weeks in 4 months. Came for Valentines and left after two days instead of a week crying, kept my ring, clothes , calls me crying, sends me photos,wants to know how I am... Has not got a bf and If i ignore her she tries to contact me. She even said I am the love of her life, after the break up. Dont go bloody telling me about mixed freaking signs ok and poor women ok? Take time to sort yourself put before you rush giving advices which are biased by your psychological situation which your immature ex has put you in and then maybe you should considered replying to my threads.
betterdeal Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 You're both sending mixed signals and both upset. This is your relationship, as it stands, now. You don't "do" no contact as much as you lose contact with one another. It normally takes two to tango, so the blame game is a waste of time. Imagine a world where texts, phones, emails and Facebook don't exist. You'd have no contact now. It is these tools that are causing the problem. Learn to manage them better, become their master, not their slave. Everyone has the odd thought about people they knew in the past. It's just a memory, and something that day reminded (notice how that word is constructed - re-minded - brought it back into the mind) them of that person. You don't have to dwell on that memory, or get in touch with that person to confirm that memory, or to try and change reality to fit that memory. In fact, doing that will freak you, and them, out, in 99.99% of cases. When you don't need that person, when you are able to stand on your own two feet, that's when is best to get back in touch and, if you're both stable, confident and able to start from scratch with this future person not the past person, you might, just might, decide they are good enough for you now. Until such point, take your time to deal with your emotions, your upset, use the many sources of help available, doctors, therapists, teachers, trustworthy associates and friends, and learn how to have fun without a lover. Then when you get (and you will get) a lover, you will not only be a happier, more confident person, you will also have something to do with your free time other than try to spend it all with him or her, and if you need some space apart, you won't be complicating things by jumping into someone else's arms, and you'll therefore be much more likely to have a long lasting, stable, meaningful and enjoyable relationship.
Author 69ways Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 You're both sending mixed signals and both upset. This is your relationship, as it stands, now. You don't "do" no contact as much as you lose contact with one another. It normally takes two to tango, so the blame game is a waste of time. Imagine a world where texts, phones, emails and Facebook don't exist. You'd have no contact now. It is these tools that are causing the problem. Learn to manage them better, become their master, not their slave. Everyone has the odd thought about people they knew in the past. It's just a memory, and something that day reminded (notice how that word is constructed - re-minded - brought it back into the mind) them of that person. You don't have to dwell on that memory, or get in touch with that person to confirm that memory, or to try and change reality to fit that memory. In fact, doing that will freak you, and them, out, in 99.99% of cases. When you don't need that person, when you are able to stand on your own two feet, that's when is best to get back in touch and, if you're both stable, confident and able to start from scratch with this future person not the past person, you might, just might, decide they are good enough for you now. Until such point, take your time to deal with your emotions, your upset, use the many sources of help available, doctors, therapists, teachers, trustworthy associates and friends, and learn how to have fun without a lover. Then when you get (and you will get) a lover, you will not only be a happier, more confident person, you will also have something to do with your free time other than try to spend it all with him or her, and if you need some space apart, you won't be complicating things by jumping into someone else's arms, and you'll therefore be much more likely to have a long lasting, stable, meaningful and enjoyable relationship. I agree 100% so lets not have unstable users trying to advice when themselves are not over the previous relationships.
guccimane99 Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 69 ways i would agree ur ex is emotionally f'd up. She doesnt know what you want and this doesnt suprise me because all my exes and i became emotionally messed up. I will also tell you most girls dont know what they want especially at the young age. Girls are like from a different planet when it comes to showing there emotions. They all think there fragile when they dont realize its life and there gonna get bite in the ass either way. My one ex told me if you dont learn to deal with your emotions in the right manner they get all messy. Thats why we didnt get back together and i was to clingy, but i will tell you this if you dont show emotions how are you REAL and you should be real. Ur holding urself back and maybe your ex is to. Girls think that guys are out to hurt them and its because of THE GUY BEFORE. Ill tell you that every guy isnt out to hurt you. You chose to pick someone who was gonna hurt you. It like song from fort minor "Where'd you go', there is a part saying "you don't really know what you got til its gone." I live my life by that motto maybe when u go no contact shell realize what your worth. Also, never believe what a woman says rather watch what they do. I have had ex's tell me bs and my bs detector shot off the roof. There isnt anyone else i laugh and say are u sure. Then a couple weeks later you see a picture of them and ur like wow.
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Author 69ways Posted June 6, 2011 Author Posted June 6, 2011 69 ways i would agree ur ex is emotionally f'd up. She doesnt know what you want and this doesnt suprise me because all my exes and i became emotionally messed up. I will also tell you most girls dont know what they want especially at the young age. Girls are like from a different planet when it comes to showing there emotions. They all think there fragile when they dont realize its life and there gonna get bite in the ass either way. My one ex told me if you dont learn to deal with your emotions in the right manner they get all messy. Thats why we didnt get back together and i was to clingy, but i will tell you this if you dont show emotions how are you REAL and you should be real. Ur holding urself back and maybe your ex is to. Girls think that guys are out to hurt them and its because of THE GUY BEFORE. Ill tell you that every guy isnt out to hurt you. You chose to pick someone who was gonna hurt you. It like song from fort minor "Where'd you go', there is a part saying "you don't really know what you got til its gone." I live my life by that motto maybe when u go no contact shell realize what your worth. Also, never believe what a woman says rather watch what they do. I have had ex's tell me bs and my bs detector shot off the roof. There isnt anyone else i laugh and say are u sure. Then a couple weeks later you see a picture of them and ur like wow. She is messed up, thats for sure. She had bulimia in the past and low self esteem, I was the reason she got her thesis as she wanted to quit. We are talking about a 29 years old doctor here not some 20 year old girl thats confused. I do dont know anymore, in the beginning of the break up she said she had depression, then it became my fault......
MidnightinMadrid Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 Are you serious? Poor woman? This is the most immature unstable reply I have ever seen. She is the one who drives me mad as she does not leave me alone for 4 months now. Trying to help me forget her by contacting me? What? What feminist planet are you from? She has not even left me alone for more than two weeks in 4 months. Came for Valentines and left after two days instead of a week crying, kept my ring, clothes , calls me crying, sends me photos,wants to know how I am... Has not got a bf and If i ignore her she tries to contact me. She even said I am the love of her life, after the break up. Dont go bloody telling me about mixed freaking signs ok and poor women ok? Take time to sort yourself put before you rush giving advices which are biased by your psychological situation which your immature ex has put you in and then maybe you should considered replying to my threads. Thats right 69 tell it like it is,you have to look out for yourself. NC is to protect yourself,always no matter what your ex does. plus it stops them to string you a long too.
Author 69ways Posted June 7, 2011 Author Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) Thats right 69 tell it like it is,you have to look out for yourself. NC is to protect yourself,always no matter what your ex does. plus it stops them to string you a long too. You know , I read many threads. No one did what I did. 29 roses one plastic I will love you until the last one dies I said to her after travelling 5 hours on an aircraft and 3000 USD later. She said:You really believe I will take you back after this? Worth mentioning I never cheated, never hit her. We had our ups and downs due to LDR and was planning to move there soon. I will protect myself, no woman is worth begging to make her happy. I am sticking to NC because even though I made more mistakes than her, I proved beyond question my undying love for her. Enough is enough...let her try find a better guy and she likes non smokers, no football, no F1, not blond,funny, expressing his feeling and likes curry.... PS:I still love you, you stupid Swiss cow.... Edited June 7, 2011 by 69ways
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