greendressgirl Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 A few months ago, one of my best guy friends Brandon cheated on his girlfriend with my friend Lane when they were both drunk. Lane's childhood best friend Adelaide is really good friends with Brandon. Because Adelaide is best friends with both of them, she refuses to see the situation as cheating. She thinks it happened subconsciously and she stated Jon would never cheat. I know from Lane- that this is not the case. Lane was emotionally destroyed from being the other girl. Her friendship was ruined and she did not have feelings for him when it happened She is a highly moral & pure girl-no one would ever suspect it. Brandon was both passive aggressive and aggressive towards her after it happened. He treated her horribly after it all happened. Brandon a few months back asked a couple of his guy friends what they thought about him cheating on his girlfriend. In my opinion, he had a plan for Lane since he repeatedly asked her inappropriate things that night and told her he was going to sleep with her this summer. Also, he went after another girl he was friends with and I'm pretty sure he cheated again while drunk in almost the same situation. P.S. neither was sex...both worse than kissing. Adelaide refuses to see any of this. To me, she made excuses for his behavior as insecurity. More over, WHO thinks that cheating is subconscious and that it didn't count cause they were both drunk???? So tell me...what do you think of the situation and was it cheating even though they were both drunk?
Author greendressgirl Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 Sorry-Jon should be Brandon. Name change for everyone. eek.
2sunny Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 i think it looks like a ton of drama and harm to many. i'd get a whole new group of friends... ones that have standards of decency and not causing harm to others. and yes, it's still cheating if alcohol is involved... it doesn't excuse the hurt caused by the action.
tigressA Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Agree with 2sunny--and yes, Yes, YES! it is cheating even if alcohol is involved! I hate when people say it isn't--they just want to absolve themselves of responsibility.
OldOnTheInside Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Yes... Yes it is. Learning how to not drink like a jack*ss is a necessary life skill.
2sunny Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Agree with 2sunny--and yes, Yes, YES! it is cheating even if alcohol is involved! I hate when people say it isn't--they just want to absolve themselves of responsibility. it still doesn't change the fact that they CHOSE to drink. we are all responsible for the choices we make - and the consequences that come from those choices.
Author greendressgirl Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 I 100% agree that it was cheating. That's why I was so mad at Adelaide for refusing to see the situation as a bad thing. But Adelaide loves them both, and I think it might be hard to picture either of these people screwing up so bad. No one in our group of friends knows about it except for 3 of Lane's friends, including me. And I'm stuck with the friends I have.
alexlakeman Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Cliff's notes? But, yeah, cheating, of course, even of alcohol is present
2sunny Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I 100% agree that it was cheating. That's why I was so mad at Adelaide for refusing to see the situation as a bad thing. But Adelaide loves them both, and I think it might be hard to picture either of these people screwing up so bad. No one in our group of friends knows about it except for 3 of Lane's friends, including me. And I'm stuck with the friends I have. 3 friends know? well everyone may as well know then, cuz people generally yalk. and NO ONE is STUCK with anything - YOU have choices too!
OldOnTheInside Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 You know, this whole situation sounds like it came right out of a bad soap opera (although they're all pretty bad). How old are you and your friends OP? I'm guessing mid teens to early twenties... If you have said all that you can say to your friend and she has decided to remain bull headed on this topic, there is very little else you can do to change her mind. For your own mental health, I suggest that you step back and don't let this unnecessary drama infect you.
Woggle Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Yes it is. If I commit a crime when drunk the court will not be any easier on me so why should the same not apply to cheating.
Author greendressgirl Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 Believe me no one will ever find out...it would have already happened a long time ago. I won't tell a soul. Alcohol is a choice, cheating is a choice, participating as the other person is a choice. But refusing to accept the situation as such (Adelaide) drives me up the wall.
Sanman Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 One stupid decision does not negate another stupid decision. Is it not man slaughter if you kill someone while driving drunk? Are you a subconscious murderer?
Ginger Beer Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 If you can't control yourself when you drink, you obviously drink too much and shouldn't be drinking at all. Still cheating.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Is it Cheating if alcohol is involved? Well, that depends entirely upon whether either party has a significant other at the time.
Trimmer Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Well, that depends entirely upon whether either party has a significant other at the time. That information was provided in the first line of the Original Post. But Adelaide loves them both, and I think it might be hard to picture either of these people screwing up so bad. Adelaide is in denial. Fully comprehending and accepting the truth of the situation would be painful for her, so she is putting up a strong (and obvious) defense mechanism - denial - and rewriting the rules of common sense to try to quiet the dissonance that the situation is causing her. Do you really think that if Adelaide had a boyfriend, and he cheated with someone else while drunk, that she would think nothing of it and would excuse it away as "subconscious" and "not cheating because he was drunk?" (Actually, she might, as she is clearly denying the truth of the situation, so maybe she would do that in her own life too...)
rafallus Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Of course it is cheating. Alcohol just lowers the inhibitions, so they were thinkig about cheating all the time, and while drunk they had a nerve to act on it (which they may not have while sober - but the thoughts would be there anyway).
EasyHeart Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I think I remember this from an episode of "90210".
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 That information was provided in the first line of the Original Post. Dude, are you stoned? I quoted the first line
Trimmer Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Dude, are you stoned? I quoted the first line Perhaps it's semantic, but you actually quoted the thread title/subject. The first line of the post itself was: A few months ago, one of my best guy friends Brandon cheated on his girlfriend with my friend Lane when they were both drunk. But semantics aside, the point is that the first statement of the OP's opening post directly addressed the issue you raised, later in the thread.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 (edited) Perhaps it's semantic, but you actually quoted the thread title/subject. The first line of the post itself was: But semantics aside, the point is that the first statement of the OP's opening post directly addressed the issue you raised, later in the thread. You don't seem to understand what a "post" IS. There's the problem. And the question was broad, vague, and clear for all to read: "Is it cheating if alcohol is involved?" And of course there is but one obvious answer. Edited June 5, 2011 by SincereOnlineGuy
Jynxx Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 If you're too drunk to remember, it never happened. Just kidding, it's cheating.
mr.dream merchant Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Before I cheat, I take a step back and ask myself if I could see myself marrying the woman I'm involved with, the answer is always 'no'. So yes, I end up cheating.
carhill Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 It's cheating if the behavior is otherwise inappropriate and hurtful to the partner who presumes priority and exclusivity *and* if deception is involved. Alcohol is irrelevant.
Trimmer Posted June 6, 2011 Posted June 6, 2011 And the question was broad, vague, and clear for all to read: So broad, vague, and clear that you had to say "it depends" on a fact that was (clearly) stated in the .... OK .... second line of the post? How about we wrap this up, I just admit your dick is bigger than mine, and then can we agree that we agree on the essential point: And of course there is but one obvious answer. I agree.
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