Rinnix Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I saw your old albulm, you are very above average. I think you're stunning. Don't let what your ex said get you down. Your ex said you wouldn't be able to find someone else, look at you now! You snatched yourself a good guy. If anything it just proves your ex wrong. Take this time and enjoy it, you deserve it! His aim was to make you insecure, don't let him win. I have days where I look at myself and see a monster. I sometimes wonder what people see too. How we see ourselves is much more critical. He's with you, it's obvious that he thinks you're attractive and great for him.
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 I saw your old albulm, you are very above average. I think you're stunning. Don't let what your ex said get you down. Your ex said you wouldn't be able to find someone else, look at you now! You snatched yourself a good guy. If anything it just proves your ex wrong. Take this time and enjoy it, you deserve it! His aim was to make you insecure, don't let him win. I have days where I look at myself and see a monster. I sometimes wonder what people see too. How we see ourselves is much more critical. He's with you, it's obvious that he thinks you're attractive and great for him. Thanks Rinnix. It's true that we are our own worst critics. In this case I'm analyzing everything - my looks, my career, my intelligence - and I don't know why. But I'm resolving to stop.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Well, I haven't seen your album so I don't know what you look like, and for my opinion that doesn't even matter. Please stop sabotaging what's going on with negative self-talk right now! Clearly this new guy does like you ... or else, he wouldn't be around. Right? And whatever your attractiveness level is, he wanted to talk to you ... right? I totally understand how the ex boyfriend situation has done a number on your self esteem, even though I am not up to date through your past threads on whatever happened. I gathered from your OP that, in my opinion, you are a little overly concerned with the value of superficial traits. Of course they're important for attraction, and some of them are deal makers or breakers for who we'll even look at - but now it's time to forget about that stuff and get to know a person, and let him know you. There is no winning on the "attractiveness," or "tallness," or "financial success" comparison with other people scale. There's always someone above all of us. Forget it, or at least pretend to so it doesn't rule you. It's not worthwhile. DO NOT GIVE YOUR POWER AWAY to that negative past situation. Just recognize it for what it is - a reaction - and try to stay in the moment as you get to know (and, it seems, to enjoy) a new man in your life. And, for the record, I am pretty annoyed by members of LS coming here to tell the OP that she is "trolling for compliments" or that her thread is not worthy of existing.
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 Well, I haven't seen your album so I don't know what you look like, and for my opinion that doesn't even matter. Please stop sabotaging what's going on with negative self-talk right now! Clearly this new guy does like you ... or else, he wouldn't be around. Right? And whatever your attractiveness level is, he wanted to talk to you ... right? I totally understand how the ex boyfriend situation has done a number on your self esteem, even though I am not up to date through your past threads on whatever happened. I gathered from your OP that, in my opinion, you are a little overly concerned with the value of superficial traits. Of course they're important for attraction, and some of them are deal makers or breakers for who we'll even look at - but now it's time to forget about that stuff and get to know a person, and let him know you. There is no winning on the "attractiveness," or "tallness," or "financial success" comparison with other people scale. There's always someone above all of us. Forget it, or at least pretend to so it doesn't rule you. It's not worthwhile. DO NOT GIVE YOUR POWER AWAY to that negative past situation. Just recognize it for what it is - a reaction - and try to stay in the moment as you get to know (and, it seems, to enjoy) a new man in your life. You are absolutely right. I've never been overly concerned with the superficial when seeking a mate so I'm not sure why I assume that someone I'm emotionally attracted to would be. I'm definitely making an effort to just stop thinking this way. And, for the record, I am pretty annoyed by members of LS coming here to tell the OP that she is "trolling for compliments" or that her thread is not worthy of existing. Thanks for defending me. I'd think that if I really wanted to troll for compliments, I'd at least have the common sense to post a photo.
Kamille Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 It's not hostile. Dating a successful guy isn't a problem, and doesn't deserve a thread. Don't take it as an insult, take it as a compliment and move on. You've stopped dating losers, congratulations . Go solve world peace. I suppose the only legitimate problems are "guy" problems, such as: "Why do girls have it so easy?" or "Why do girls get attached so quickly?" or "do women prefer jerks?". Since when are we harping on people for having options?
runner Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 And, for the record, I am pretty annoyed by members of LS coming here to tell the OP that she is "trolling for compliments" or that her thread is not worthy of existing. me too. if certain members have a problem with the moderating, they should apply for the job themselves and see how that works out. and the word "troll" also seems to be used more loosely around here where it's beginning to mean, 'i don't like your opinion therefore you must be a troll.' sorry for the hijack. carry on
VicJay79 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Kiss: As a guy, I can say maybe he feels the same way about you. Maybe he is in total awe about how amazing of a girl you are. Maybe he is blown away your single, and is worried about losing you as well. Maybe he wants to get to know you better. The honest truth is, as a Guy, I have felt the same way as well. Education and looks be damned, people stay together because of chemistry and how much fun they have with each other. Have a great time, make him smile, and you will have him. Vic It's over 6 weeks since my relationship ended, and though it is not according to my original plan, I have started to date someone. Originally I had thought I would stay single for a while and just take time for myself. But I went out to a local bar a few weeks ago with friends to watch a game and serendipitously ended up meeting a pretty awesome guy. We chatted a lot throughout the night and ended up exchanging numbers. We've been on several dates since and things are going great. We have an uncanny amount of things in common, from musical taste, to favorite movies/TV shows, to quirky interests and hobbies. Conversation is effortless and non-stop, chemistry is undeniable, and laughter is plentiful. I like him. A lot. So there is no problem there. The problem is with me. The guy I'm speaking of is: -very conventionally attractive (tall, lean & muscular, handsome facial features) -very highly educated -very successful career-wise -funny, kind, intelligent, and socially at ease -still relatively young (30) Basically, all his ducks are in a row. And while I consider myself intelligent, my job is significantly farther down the "career chain" from his. I attended college (on a full scholarship, actually) but did not complete my degree. I instead switched to a trade school of sorts for my particular career choice, and completed my education there. I know that I'm at least average looking, maybe somewhat attractive. I think I have a good personality and have a lot of positive traits. The unfortunate thought that keeps creeping up in the back of my mind is: "This guy probably has a very wide selection of women who would date him. Why is he interested in moderately-attractive-at-best, significantly less-educated, regular old me?" Then I consider my last relationship. While my ex had a lot of positive traits (which are a bit harder for me to identify in hindsight due to everything that happened), he also had a lot of conventionally "unappealing" traits: he was pretty significantly overweight, had a job that paid him less than $30,000/yr after taxes, he was no taller than me (note that this did not bother me hence why I used the term "conventionally unappealing"), and he had a tendency to be socially awkward (even went so far as to refuse to go to parties/social events with me). Considering that we were together for three years and none of the above traits were the ending factor in our relationship, please don't jump down my throat for attacking his job, his looks, or his height, because that's not what I'm trying to do. My point in all of this is that here I had a boyfriend who was certainly far from perfect, and yet in the end I still couldn't keep him interested. Now I meet a guy who, while of course is also not perfect, is significantly closer to it. And to boot, he likes me. A lot. He texts me every day (not in a needy way - just light conversation) and calls me once or twice between dates to chat. He has initiated exclusivity, which I am fine with since I'm not interested in multi-dating. All signs are go. And for the most part I'm really enjoying it. Except for that little voice in the back of my head that says: "You're not good enough." Before anyone asks, this guy has never done or said anything to make me feel this way. He asks me about my job and sympathizes with me over a bad day just as I do with him. He doesn't talk down to me, patronize me, or make me feel like anything less than his equal. So how do I deal with these feelings?
Cracker Jack Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Well, you shouldn't feel inadequate. You're definitely a beautiful woman, and you appear to have a really good attitude in general. You have plenty to offer this new guy, so there's no need to even consider the "not good enough" route, because it doesn't apply to you. You're definitely good enough. Just remember that.
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Kiss: As a guy, I can say maybe he feels the same way about you. Maybe he is in total awe about how amazing of a girl you are. Maybe he is blown away your single, and is worried about losing you as well. Maybe he wants to get to know you better. The honest truth is, as a Guy, I have felt the same way as well. Education and looks be damned, people stay together because of chemistry and how much fun they have with each other. Have a great time, make him smile, and you will have him. Vic What an insightful and positive post. Thanks for that, Vic. Well, you shouldn't feel inadequate. You're definitely a beautiful woman, and you appear to have a really good attitude in general. You have plenty to offer this new guy, so there's no need to even consider the "not good enough" route, because it doesn't apply to you. You're definitely good enough. Just remember that. Thanks CJ. You always come across as one of the most level-headed people on here so I'm happy to see your response.
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