daphne Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 So one of the last guys I met before i completely gave up on online dating has lasted about 2 months. I didn't want to put any stock into it, because we're very different and figured it would have fizzled by now since I'm not giving it up but funny enough he's sticking in there and being patient. He's easy going, down to earth, funny and doesn't play games. He took down his profile almost immediately, but from previous experience I didn't buy it. But he told me he thought it would be rude to date others since we started dating. Fancy that, someone who actually wants a relationship with one person! Holy crap I must have hit the lotto. There aren't any red flags that I can see. There are, however, potential compatibility issues. But we're having fun and we get along and he's a very sweet and loving person. And a big fat plus is he's not afraid of intimacy and appears emotionally stable. I don't see a mean streak in him, or the critical eye that I saw in the two others I saw as "real" potential because they met more my check list of being more like me. The consistency has been nice.
oaks Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Not complaining this week... I've got a couple of first dates lined up. Both much younger than me.
Imajerk17 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Awesome! I hope it keeps on working for you.... Nice to see you back here!
Author daphne Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Not complaining this week... I've got a couple of first dates lined up. Both much younger than me. He he. Just don't do what I did and pat her on the head and tell her "you're so cute." I did that with a 22 yr old and it doesn't go over too well. Treat them like they're your age. Good luck and keep me posted. I'm dating a guy who's actually older than me for a change. I haven't done that in 10 years.
Author daphne Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Awesome! I hope it keeps on working for you.... Nice to see you back here! Grazie. I was out of the country for a while. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but it sure is nice to date someone with no drama. Well, so long as his borderline psycho ex gf doesn't drop by when I'm there.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Grazie. I was out of the country for a while. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but it sure is nice to date someone with no drama. Well, so long as his borderline psycho ex gf doesn't drop by when I'm there. Psycho like how? I mean, there's psycho and then there's the kind that stab knives through the wall. How nutty is she?
Author daphne Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 She called him 100 times in a day, for weeks after they broke up. She pounded on his door. She was stalking him at one point. Kept acting like they were still together and nothing was wrong. Accused him of cheating, but she had in fact. When he was doing the online dating thing, she would send him emails from other guys and asking him if she should date them. She told him she was going to check herself into a hospital, because she was suicidal. The list is endless. I've never heard of a female ex that was genuinely psycho since guys bandy the term about for all exes and women with any type of emotional display. But this was a serious psycho. Who knows if she's violent but she freaks me out.
EasyHeart Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 She called him 100 times in a day, for weeks after they broke up. She pounded on his door. She was stalking him at one point. Kept acting like they were still together and nothing was wrong. Accused him of cheating, but she had in fact. When he was doing the online dating thing, she would send him emails from other guys and asking him if she should date them. She told him she was going to check herself into a hospital, because she was suicidal.So in other words, she's a typical woman?
GivenUp0083 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Daphne, do you like him? Do you enjoy being with him? Does he make you happy? If yes, then just go with it. Stop over analyzing it. This is why women break up with a guy and regret it later. Because you logicized your way out something great. Just see where it goes, enjoy not knowing what will happen.
TheFamilyMan Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Good luck! What site did you meet him on, just curious?
fishtaco Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 My ex "The One" is like that. Compatibility issues on paper, we couldn't have been worse for each other from that perspective. Luckily I don't do online dating, so we started with real life chemistry as opposed to comparing check boxes. She ended up being the best girlfriend I've ever had, and even till today, no one measures up to her as a whole. I've dated women more intelligent, prettier, more sane... etc compared to her, but never in the same person. It was a big mistake for me to break up with her. So don't write him off yet. Sometimes, there could be enough pluses to override the minuses of on-paper incompatibility.
Author daphne Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 So in other words, she's a typical woman? :lmao: Don't make me hurt you.
Author daphne Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Daphne, do you like him? Do you enjoy being with him? Does he make you happy? If yes, then just go with it. Stop over analyzing it. This is why women break up with a guy and regret it later. Because you logicized your way out something great. Just see where it goes, enjoy not knowing what will happen. Yep. Yep. Yep. But what would I do if I didn't overanalyze and nothing's going wrong? lol. No, seriously though. I guess I had an idea of what would be compatible for me. And this is going to require an adjustment of that idea. I don't break up with a guy without making sure it's not going to work out. Don't you worry.
Author daphne Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Good luck! What site did you meet him on, just curious? Thanks! Match. Don't tell anyone.
Author daphne Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 My ex "The One" is like that. Compatibility issues on paper, we couldn't have been worse for each other from that perspective. Luckily I don't do online dating, so we started with real life chemistry as opposed to comparing check boxes. She ended up being the best girlfriend I've ever had, and even till today, no one measures up to her as a whole. I've dated women more intelligent, prettier, more sane... etc compared to her, but never in the same person. It was a big mistake for me to break up with her. So don't write him off yet. Sometimes, there could be enough pluses to override the minuses of on-paper incompatibility. I remember you talking about her. Makes me sad. Is there no way to get her back? I will do my due diligence, I promise. If we can negotiate our differences, and continue to get along well, I don't see a problem. He seems like a good, decent person and I guess ultimately that's the most important thing. Well, that and sexual prowess. Yeah I said it. And that remains to be seen so...
Cee Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 The way you describe this new relationship is intriguing in the lack of detail and hyperbolic gushing. But I can relate to that. In the first couple of months of my current relationship, I was cautious and had a wait and see attitude. My relationship is nontraditional with the age difference, but it has turned out great (so far). Like you, I take things as they come and enjoy the journey.
fishtaco Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I remember you talking about her. Makes me sad. Is there no way to get her back? Nope. I tried. But at least I told her my thoughts and gave her my apology, and I thanked her and appreciated her for being her awesome self during our relationship. I believe there are no more negative feelings, but there are also no more positive feelings either. That's actually the worst place to be. That means I'm done. I will do my due diligence, I promise. If we can negotiate our differences, and continue to get along well, I don't see a problem. He seems like a good, decent person and I guess ultimately that's the most important thing. Well, that and sexual prowess. Yeah I said it. And that remains to be seen so... LOL, hey sex is important... we had amazing sexual chemistry as well. I hope things work out. It's difficult to find decent guys. I've been hanging out with many women lately, platonically, since my dating has been in the dumps. I see all these crap guys hitting up on them all the time, and behaving in pathetic and laughable ways. But with that said, as rare as decent guys are to find, you have to have your list of "I will not compromise". Because in the end, just being decent isn't enough. Good luck. Finding the right person isn't easy.
Author daphne Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Astute observation Cee. I have dated a good number of men in the last year. I've heard it all. And I've seen a lot of flakiness, and men who were clearly out for sex or an emotional tampon to avoid being alone. Online and in real life. I'm not getting worked up until there's a reason to. I'm all worked out. But I have started getting more excited about seeing him lately. Just the fact that he's patient, despite his insecurity at my lack of responsiveness or willingness to move faster earlier on. And that's a rare trait indeed.
Author daphne Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 Nope. I tried. But at least I told her my thoughts and gave her my apology, and I thanked her and appreciated her for being her awesome self during our relationship. I believe there are no more negative feelings, but there are also no more positive feelings either. That's actually the worst place to be. That means I'm done. LOL, hey sex is important... we had amazing sexual chemistry as well. I hope things work out. It's difficult to find decent guys. I've been hanging out with many women lately, platonically, since my dating has been in the dumps. I see all these crap guys hitting up on them all the time, and behaving in pathetic and laughable ways. But with that said, as rare as decent guys are to find, you have to have your list of "I will not compromise". Because in the end, just being decent isn't enough. Good luck. Finding the right person isn't easy. How long has it been? If she doesn't meet someone else that she loves more, and you left a good impression, she may think about you again later on. I wouldn't rule it out, given the circumstances. Especially if there was great sexual chemistry. You just don't forget that. EVER. I definitely have my no compromise list. You're right. Just being decent isn't enough, but it's a lot. It's on my needs list. If he has integrity, he's a keeper.
fishtaco Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 How long has it been? If she doesn't meet someone else that she loves more, and you left a good impression, she may think about you again later on. I wouldn't rule it out, given the circumstances. Especially if there was great sexual chemistry. You just don't forget that. EVER. I definitely have my no compromise list. You're right. Just being decent isn't enough, but it's a lot. It's on my needs list. If he has integrity, he's a keeper. Oh yeah, I'm not forgetting her, no way. It's been 3 years. Last I heard (maybe 10 months ago) she had a boyfriend for the first time since me, then the guy bailed on her in a couple of weeks. She already flat out turned me down, although nicely. I don't think I'll ask again. That's not my style. I feel really bad for her. She has such a good heart, and deserves better. But every time she opens her heart, she gets stomped. By her cheating ex husband, by this last dude, and by a dumbass named fishtaco that threw everything away.
Author daphne Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 By her cheating ex husband, by this last dude, and by a dumbass named fishtaco that threw everything away. At some point you're going to need to let that go. Just make sure you know better for next time. You can't change what happened. You'll be great for the next great girl, if you're lucky enough to find another.
oaks Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 He he. Just don't do what I did and pat her on the head and tell her "you're so cute." I nearly did. She forgot my age and guessed that I was a lot younger. Gorgeous girl, very skinny (if I hugged her she might snap). Good conversation over drinks, although we didn't really have anything in common (she's from a different country and hasn't been in London for long) which is likely to be the sticking point. She gave me an evasive answer when I asked about seeing her again, so probably not but I'll ask again if she's still talking to me. One more tomorrow.
fishtaco Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 At some point you're going to need to let that go. Just make sure you know better for next time. You can't change what happened. You'll be great for the next great girl, if you're lucky enough to find another. Thanks. I think I learned my lesson. Maybe the next girl will take my new found commitment for a joy ride. Life is funny like that. But first thing first, I still have to wade through the cesspool that is dating, to find the one worthy enough for an LTR. Then we'll see what happens.
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