What does an ex-boyfriend still wants from me after 14 years?

[TheDancer]

I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I stop being in touch with this guy? And why does he also keep emailing me? Some background:

 

- About 14 years ago, I dated this guy for about a year. I moved to another city. Then, he broke it up when it became long distance. I was crazy about him.

- I got married but still thoughts of this guy always haunt me

 

- He never got married and contacts me from time to time out of the blue by email. He checks on me, I reply and then he's gone. I can't ignore his messages and I feel depressed when he simply disappears again after we exchange a few messages.

- He complains of loneliness and that none of his girlfriends like him, blah, blah, blah...I kinda feel sorry and offer advice.

 

I no longer find him good looking or interesting. He sounds too immature for a 38 yr old guy. However, still I can't say no to his contacts at all, it makes me depressed when he's gone ... What's wrong with me? And what's wrong with this guy- why does he keep in touch?

[TheDancer]

Thanks for your reply! I like how you put it: that we’ll meet one day in the nursing home... On my part, I don’t know what it is. I would never leave my husband to be with this guy. But it’s true that we do have unfinished business and I can’t simply ignore his contacts like I should...

 

On his part though, I can’t understand why he contacts me from time to time. Why me? Does he simply want someone’s attention as he’s alone and I’m the only one replying? He might even do this to all of his ex-girlfriends from what I know…I don’t think he would still be in love with me after all these years when he was the one who broke it up

[Blood]

He didn't break it up. The long distance did.

[foxychick]

He didn't break it up. The long distance did.

 

yeah true, maybe you still remember how you both felt for each other and neither of you have had that with anyone else. maybe you were happiest when with each other and want that back as much as possible. you definitely care about each other i guess.

[foxychick]

mind you if you're married and you're husband is always there with you and supported you through thick and thin why are you bothered about this guy?

he never does anything except contact you when he has problems right? you should just meet up with him and get closure and if he doesn't meet with you it means he is with someone else and probably not even valuing you as a friend - that means he's not worth it.

he's probably not what you thought he was and distance doesn't break up a relationship, if there's a big distance between you, you just move to be close to the person right?

it might be that you just think about him because you didn't expect him to break up with you when you felt about each other the way you did - maybe its hard for you to believe what he's really like. not that he's bad but that he didn't value you enough - but if that's the case, again - is he really worth it or just a donkey?

Edited June 3, 2011 by foxychick
added more