EasyHeart Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 There might be a significant aspect of the right time for a "terminal" relationship that could even supersede the person one has it with?Yup. And of course we can't assume that all marriages are terminal. I've seen lots of people get married at 25-30. And I've seen lots of them get divorced at 40-45. IME experience the "checklist" marriages (ie, "I've reached my educational/careers goals, so next on my list is to get married. I'll take. . . him. Okay. Cross that off. Now we need a baby within 1.78 years.. . .") are the ones in which people hit 40 and discover that they feel "unfulfilled".
Graceful Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 There might be a significant aspect of the right time for a "terminal" relationship that could even supersede the person one has it with? It's called "falling in love with love" more often than not. Anyone will do.
OliveOyl Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Yup. And of course we can't assume that all marriages are terminal. I've seen lots of people get married at 25-30. And I've seen lots of them get divorced at 40-45. IME experience the "checklist" marriages (ie, "I've reached my educational/careers goals, so next on my list is to get married. I'll take. . . him. Okay. Cross that off. Now we need a baby within 1.78 years.. . .") are the ones in which people hit 40 and discover that they feel "unfulfilled". Yep. Too true.
O'Malley Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 If you consider how everyone is different due to their foundations and experiences, each person will have their own sense of what coming home feels like. Well worded. I'm not a romanticist, nor do I believe in soul mates, but I did know early on in our acquaintance my boyfriend was an extremely unique person to me, somebody that I wanted to have as a part of my life for a long time. This was when we were becoming friends, before we were involved. The timing, when we started dating, always felt right; neither too fast nor too slow. No dramatics, uncertainties or insecurities about his feelings or where we were heading. Our feelings didn't alter or ebb when we were separated by distance. There has always been consistency in both his character and his behavior towards me (and others). A truly terminal marriage... unto death... has those elements. A basis in real friendship, intellectual, and romantic compatibility. The problem I see is that too many people think friendship rules out romance so they end up with partners who they don't like as people. When the hot spark of lust runs out the relationship ends. I think some of the best relationships are those with a foundation of friendship that underlies the sexual and romantic attraction; it's what can get you through the more difficult times. Age and infirmity will someday affect any life long relationship, and it's the love and esteem from a true friendship and partnership that will help sustain both people.
Author zengirl Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) Zengirl: Do you want to get married (or otherwise enter into some terminal relationship)? If so (here comes the big question), why? Yes, I want to get married. Hmm. . .why? Lots of reasons I think it'd be wonderful to have a partner to share everything in my life with and go through life's adventures together. I wouldn't be MISERABLE without one (that's my view now at least), but I definitely feel I'd be missing out. I'd never have kids otherwise, and I kind of want them (though I'm less sure of that). I'd not buy a house otherwise either, as it stands now. To me, marriage is the only way to achieve permanence in the world (the only path to permanence for ME, to be clear---not the only kind), build a family, and create roots. I am not at all close to my extended family, really---not as a family at least---nor is my mother, but she and my stepfather have a relationship that are her roots and the closest thing I have to roots (though I'd never live anywhere near them, sadly, since I hate where they live). I suppose I want the same for myself with a marriage. I'm great at making friends and even keeping them, but friends don't move with you when you leave, they get married themselves, they build their own families, etc. Who else am I going to grow old with? Growing old alone, or with a series of different communities, sounds okay and all, but not so awesome as having a partner in crime. And yet, unless I met someone truly wonderful, I would not get married. So it's not that I want it for its sake as a construct, just to say I'm married or anything---it's just that I want what my Mom and so many other people have: a permanent best friend who I'm passionate about and want to be my chosen family and lover forever. Edited June 1, 2011 by zengirl
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