3 Year Relationship just turned into a 6679 miles LDR

[Kiss Me My Pretty]

Everything was perfect between us, we lived together, laughed almost all the time, played sports together (or I would watch when he was getting serious about the game), we even played xbox together.

 

He loves the fact that I'm such a nerd, I love the fact he is so passionate about sports.

 

The problem was his job, he just didn't like it, he hated it, hated his boss, everything. But he needed to keep it in order for us both to maintain a decent living standard. (I'm working, but I'm also a student, but I still insisted we payed half for the house even though I earned 10 times less)

 

The money isn't a problem for me, it's just a challenge in life I have to face until I finish Uni, but it really was a problem for him.

 

I can't stand seeing him miserable, I hate it so much, he really does mean everything to me. So I asked him; "What really makes you happy?" to which he replied "basketball". So, we spoke about it for a while and I explained that I just want to see him happy, to do what he wants to do in life. He decided to move to Philippines, attend Uni there, also play basketball, and try his hardest to play for the PBA once done Uni.

 

We only live once, everything amazing and worth while is always hard to get - so who am I to stop someone from trying to achieve their actual life dream? Everything is a valuable experience, and seeing him do what makes him happy means the world to me.

 

That said, I'm left here, alone, without my best friend and my lover and left to finish Uni while he is just starting his which will take 5-7 years because of his course. The career I am working my ass off to achieve cannot be achieved in the Philippines.

 

I just traveled over to see him, spent a month there and loved it, first experience in a hot country like that and it was amazing. But now what? That month is up and I now have to wait 7 months before I can see him again, and that will only be for maybe 2 weeks.

 

I lived with him, I spent every single day with him, and now I can't even be with him. I struggle to contact him because of how poor the signal is over there. I'm sad, lonely and I well and truly miss my best friend.

 

Honestly, what am I supposed to do to make it work? Because communication is a massive issue when he can't even get more than two bars worth of signal. Video chats online last less than 5 minutes because the connection is constantly disconnecting, his phone doesn't call or text outside of his country and it's insanely expensive for me to call in my country. I just feel, I don't know, completely lost and utterly frustrated that I can't be with him.

 

LDR are so much easier when you haven't already lived with the one you love, you know? It's easier if you just met them, or you met them online, whatever - this situation is so difficult for me. I haven't been able to find one single similar story online, so I'm asking the world; please help me and give me any advice you can.

 

Because I would love for this relationship to work out, but there is no way I can live there with the job I'm doing - I'm working to achieving my life's ambition, while he's been inspired to do the same. The only problem is that the world is pretty big for us humans, and 6679 miles is insane! 7 Months is insane.

 

Oh World of strangers, please help me out.

 

Sincerely,

 

- Kiss Me My Pretty

[wild_urge]

Oh, well I know it won't sound very reassuring, but the first time we were apart for 7 months and we made it, it was like we never parted when we got together last summer, then we were apart for another 4 months, then together for three weeks and now it's been exactly 4 months and 10 days, there's at least 7 weeks before I see him again. . . It is doable to some extent, but it is really hard. I know it seems crazy long to you, the first few months I am always freaking out, I cry all the time, but then sooner or later the time will pass and it will be a month until you see him again and you'll get all excited, then it will be day before you see him and you'll get overwhelmed with emotions and then you'll meet again and it will be like you never separated and you'll look back and it will seem like not such a long time has passed and then a few months later you'll forget about it. We tend to forget the bad times, it will seem like 7 months were 1 month . . . of course, then you might have to separate again and again . . . but it is easier the last one or two months before you meet . . . and it's worth it I think. . . sometimes I get frustrated and I tell myself that even if I love so much it's too hard, but you have to remember that the good times are coming and that he makes the happiest person in the world. . . and that there is no other feeling like wakening up in the middle of the night realising that he is sleeping peacefully next to you. . . I find that it is a priceless moment.

And yeah, we kind of a lived together, I used to sleep over at his place for months before he had to leave and for the last two summers we have lived together all summer long plus when I visited at Christmas, we were again together 24/7. And it does make it hard, going from being together all the time, to being able to share kiss or a hug for months in roll . . . I personally am hysterical at times . . . but sometimes, as I posted yesterday, he'll say something while we are talking on Skype and my eyes will fill with tears, after over 1.5 years of living apart, because my feelings have not faded even the tiniest little bit . . .

I can only wish you good luck, cause you'll need a lot of it, everything else is up to him and you, but it is doable if that is really what you want!

[heartshaped]

We were long distance in the beginning, but then lived together for a year and have now been long distance a year as well. Going from living together to being long distance is..I can't put it any other way, but traumatic. We literally spent everyday together and most of every waking moment together and then just one day we didn't anymore. I wondered how we would make it and I spent a lot of those first few months just crying my heart out. A year in and I can say it has gotten much, much better. It really does get easier as you get along, but it is a huge adjustment going from living together to long distance.

 

I think the main issue between the two of you right now is getting a reliable source of communication. Would it be possible/easier for the two of you to email each other or write letters? I know it's not nearly the same as talking to the person over the phone, but if you are having signal issues that might be a remedy. When we were first long distance, all of our communication was through email because of our conflicting schedules. All of our communication is actually through text message now which is really just more of the same, but quicker.

 

Also, have either of you looked into getting another phone? I'm not sure about what phone plans either of your countries offer, but I know a good friend of mine got a phone plan once she was in an international long distance relationship that just had a flat rate for all international calls so that she could call her boyfriend anytime she wanted. I think something like that could be invaluable to the two of you.

[Kiss Me My Pretty]

Thanks guys That was valuable advice, I'll try my best to think positive, first time being away for so long is truly heart breaking, but I love him, so I'll try anything I can to make this work, and I know he will too.

 

I came across a number of sites to suggest fun and exciting things to do with the time you're able to chat to your boyfriend/girlfriend, sadly for me, most of these aren't possible - but they might be for someone else.

 

http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingstodo1.html

 

I hope this helps someone else out, too.

 

Thanks again! That helped make me feel a little a ease with the whole thing.

[Lucky_One]

Why did he pick the Philippines?? Isn't there a closer school that he could attend and also play ball?

[TokyoG33kyGal]

hey OP, phones in the philippines can text outside the country, it's just expensive. and yeah the quality of internet really sucks :/, i am sorry about that.

 

but once he makes it on PBA, he would basically live like a king there, especially if he's really really good. he would be an instant celebrity, happens to a lot of basketball imports.