LarsenB Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Let me begin by saying that a) I honestly was ignorant of the fact that this woman is my manager (it's hard to explain, but our company's structure is a little unique), and b) she and I are still totally cool, but I just think this is an interesting story, so I'll share. So about six months ago, I start working at this company. This woman (who is a manager, just not my manager) and I begin talking at work on occasion. Over time, we realize that we have a lot in common, she gives me her number, and we start talking outside of work. She's single, by the way. Let me add that this woman is unbelievably gorgeous, and she is also 10 years older than me (I'm 28 and she's 38). Because of the age difference, I never really considered asking her out because I didn't want to get rejected, lose a friend, and things be awkward at work. After a couple of months of getting to know each other, we became pretty close, and I started noticing her doing/saying things that made me think she was interested in more than friendship. I'm the type that it takes a lot to convince me that a woman is interested, and I was being convinced very easily and quickly by this point. It eventually became obvious that there were feelings there between the two of us, so I decided to ask her out to lunch one day about three months ago. She gave me this whole speech about how she's a manager, and even though she's not my manager, there would be a lot of drama if she and I did that, but she said she wanted to, so she would think about it. Well, I never brought it up again, and neither did she, so it didn't happen. So over the course of the next couple of months, we became even closer. At this point, we're talking/texting every night and morning before work, and she's initiating about half of it. During this same time, I apply for a new job and get a promotion within the company. This new job is not only exactly what I want to be doing, but I would be on my own and would only have to report to one person … or so I thought. I've been in my new position for about a week at this point, and so I decide that I'm going to straight up ask her out this time. And this is how that went: We're standing out in the parking lot talking, and we somehow get on the topic of dating within the company. So I ask her how she feels about that and she says "If the circumstances are right, I don't have a problem with it. Why do you ask?" So I say "Because I think you should go out with me." And she flips out. "I can't believe you just did that! That's why there needs to be distance between us! I'm your manager now, you don't do stuff like that!" Imagine my surprise when I hear her say that she's my manager. So I explain myself and tell her I had no idea that that was the case and that it wouldn't happen again. So by now, I'm scared that, not only have I pissed my manager off, but that I may now lose a good friend, too. So I tell her that I appreciate our friendship, that she's one of the very few people I can trust, that I would never purposely do anything to jeopardize it, and that I consider her to be one of my best friends. She's told me before that she doesn't have many friends, and I think when I said that, she realized just how serious I was. So by this point, she's smiling, blushing, and looking at the ground. I told her that it was something I had wanted to do for a while, but that I didn't until then because of our positions at work and because I didn't want to risk the friendship, but that I was at a point where I felt like I had to do it, otherwise I would regret it later. Her response was "I think about you a lot, too, and I try to think about what's best for you. You're really young, and I'm not so young, and I think right now, you need to be focused on your goals at work. Don't worry, I won't hold this against you", and again, she smiled and blushed. So the next day, I'm thinking things will be awkward when I see her. Wrong! Since I've asked her out, she's constantly been stopping by my desk for no reason, she waves and smiles at me every time I see her, and a girl friend of mine (who has no idea that I've asked her out or that we even speak outside of work) busted her checking me out. The only thing that's different is we don't text or really talk outside of work anymore. What's funny is that she made the comment to me just a couple of days ago that she doesn't see herself being there much longer (as in a couple of more years) because it's "just not what she wants to do, anymore."
refurb Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I'm actually very impressed with how maturely you handled the whole thing. You don't see that kind of thing on LS all that much. You sound like you've got your s@#t together sir! RF
TheLawmaker Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I agree, you really handled that well. It sounds like she's now open to a relationship, maybe, but is uncertain. After onegoal's thread, I wouldn't say that asking out someone in a position of power over you is a good idea. It has "mistake" written all over it. Who knows, maybe she'll leave the company, and you'll get together? Or maybe not? Right now, it's just harmless flirting.
Author LarsenB Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 I'm actually very impressed with how maturely you handled the whole thing. You don't see that kind of thing on LS all that much. You sound like you've got your s@#t together sir! RF Thanks! Honestly, I appreciate the way she handled it, as well. She could have made things hard for me if she had wanted to. Aside from things not being awkward at work, I think what's made it easier for me is that she said "I think about you a lot, too." Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that's not something I would say to someone I saw as friend-only material. These last few days, there has been some intense tension between us, and I'm talking about the good kind. So I guess not only did I get something off my chest that I had wanted to do for a while, but the friendship is still strong, and the feeling is mutual (unless I've misinterpreted her words). Now I'm at the point where I can move on; however, if the day comes that she's no longer my manager, and we're both single, you better believe I'm trying again.
John Michael Kane Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Yea I hope you gives us some more updates because I never had a chance to bone a hot boss.:laugh: I agree with the others, you handled it well and it's obvious she likes you but from the situation, she's probably trying to make sure she doesn't get herself or you in trouble. Push but not too hard.
Author LarsenB Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Her response was "I think about you a lot, too, and I try to think about what's best for you. You're really young, and I'm not so young, and I think right now, you need to be focused on your goals at work." I apologize for resurrecting this thread, but my over-analytical side has gotten the best of me. I was telling this story to a female friend of mine today, and she seems to think that I've taken the above quote out of context. I take it to mean "I like you a lot, too, but we're at different points in our lives/ careers right now", but she thinks, since we were speaking in context of work and how I appreciate her friendship and loyalty to me, as well as how I appreciate the help she's given me along the way, that she really meant "I think about you a lot, and ways to help you, and try to think about what's best for you." Am I misinterpreting her statement? I ask because the way that I interpreted it is what's helping me deal with it. Knowing (or in this case, thinking) that the feeling is mutual, but that it just can't happen right now, actually makes it easier for me. I would never say "I think about you a lot, too" to someone who I considered to be just a friend. But that's just me.
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