start-fresh Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I'm having a hard time sorting out my lack of relationship/sexual experience. I'm 24 and the only relationship I've had was about 3 months long and it was the first time I had sex. I ended it because I felt like I was the one putting in all of the effort and that we weren't really right for each other. The fact is we weren't but now I'm struggling with the fact of how undesirable I am and should really have just been happy with who I had. It really bothers me that she was crazy in love with me and willing to put up with my lack of experience. She was actually a pretty attractive girl and I'm not sure what she saw in me, but I feel like nobody that attractive is going to ever want to be with me again. I know I should just not worry about what she's doing and live my life, but I just hate how she's so much more 'normal' than me and so much more desirable to the opposite sex. I feel like such an idiot for ending it. I mean, I'm working on myself. I've never been very muscular because I'm naturally an ectomorph, but I'm working out and eating better. It doesn't really matter though because I'm never able to put on muscle. And my lack of dating experience is pretty much a killer. I have no idea how to build up my confidence to get the women I'm really interested in.
Reddog7 Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I can sympathize with you here because I used to be in the same position as you (some self confidence problems, rather skinny, attracted to women that were more attractive than myself). When I was about 21 I realized after being rejected a few times that I was going about things the wrong way and that the women I always seemed interested in were interested in guys not like myself. I came to three options: 1) change who I was or 2) change my outlook I decided to do each one of these in small amounts and over a three year period (I'm also 24) I am much happier. Honestly the best remedy for myself was to understand how cocky dudes can be so confident in themselves. Because I work with a bunch of idiot guys that always seem to get really good, genuine girls (who they end up treating horribly), I figured if I understood them then I could understand what I seemed to lack. One of the most striking things I learned about myself from them was how I was always looking to the future and making sure I treated everyone well and they were mostly focused on the present. Though caring about the future is very much necessary, I was being to analytical and robotic. I started spending time with more people (read "more people", not "different people", never abandon your friends) and slowly became more social. I made more risks, put myself our there more, embarrassed myself doing some fairly stupid things, but came to the conclusion that everything is a learning experience. Meet a random girl and slowly increase the ******* intensity and see at what point you go from confident to rude. You will break a few eggs to make your omelet but you'll become more confident in yourself also. Once I became more mentally confident, I also started to go to a 24 hour and bulk up. I am a bit of a history geek and I read a quote by Frederick the Great where he said, "We are made for action, and activity is the sovereign remedy for all physical ills." This really spoke to me because I am not a patient person so taking action right away to fix my physical confidence problems. I hated working out because it made me feel like crap, but after feeling miserable about myself for so long I figured physical pain was nowhere near as bad as mental pain. I honestly don't weight any different, but the weight I lost around my gut all went to my shoulders, back, and arms in muscle. It took me a veeeeeery long time to accomplish because I was also an ectomorph, but a major change is something that doesn't happen quickly and you have to stick with it for a long time if you want to improve. You can do it!! Determine a path to take and take action! Sure you might not have a lot of experience, but frankly only you know that. If you don't let on that you're inexpereinced, who is going to know the difference? Be more social, let your opinions run free (dont insult anyone to much), and don't worry about who is going to judge you because everyone judges everyone anyways.
KR10N Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I'm having a hard time sorting out my lack of relationship/sexual experience. I'm 24 and the only relationship I've had was about 3 months long and it was the first time I had sex. I ended it because I felt like I was the one putting in all of the effort and that we weren't really right for each other. The fact is we weren't but now I'm struggling with the fact of how undesirable I am and should really have just been happy with who I had. It really bothers me that she was crazy in love with me and willing to put up with my lack of experience. She was actually a pretty attractive girl and I'm not sure what she saw in me, but I feel like nobody that attractive is going to ever want to be with me again. I know I should just not worry about what she's doing and live my life, but I just hate how she's so much more 'normal' than me and so much more desirable to the opposite sex. I feel like such an idiot for ending it. I mean, I'm working on myself. I've never been very muscular because I'm naturally an ectomorph, but I'm working out and eating better. It doesn't really matter though because I'm never able to put on muscle. And my lack of dating experience is pretty much a killer. I have no idea how to build up my confidence to get the women I'm really interested in.I'm guessing she saw your personality & fell for you. You're probably a good guy. The guy I like always makes derogatory remarks about his appearance, but I think he's perfect the way he is! He's sweet, charming, intelligent & I do find him attractive. You'll find someone who will love you purely for who you are.
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