ivyvine Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I have been with my SO for almost seven years. We are both very young, mid 20's and were madly in love for many years. In the last couple of years things have gone significantly downhill. My SO is finishing his second year of medical school and even before he started med school I felt that he was taking me completely for granted. When we moved in together everything was half and half (housework), however, very slowly it has all been put on my plate. I understand that medical school is demanding. But I work at least 50 hours a week and go to school part time. Yet, I seem to have to pick up all the slack. I have discussed this with him on numerous occasions and he always says that he will "be better". And he will, for a couple of weeks, but then things will quickly return to the way they were. I became resentful quite a while ago and started withholding sex. Now, we just never do it; and I know if it were up to him that would be different! Last fall I tried to break up with him but he talked me out of it. I have finally had enough. K is a wonderful person, extraordinarily intelligent, sweet and will make someone very happy someday. Unfortunately, that is not me. He is crazy in love with me, but after years on this rollercoaster, I no longer feel the same about him. He is currently studying for his first medical board exam so it is definitely not the time to bring it up. We are going on vacation to my home country (which will be his first visit in seven years!!! I have gone to visit his family more times than I would have liked to) the day after his exam and will be there for about ten days. Obviously, I have to wait until we return from vacation! We get back on July 1st and he starts rotations on July 5th. I have a plan this time, in the past I haven't and he's been able to suck back in. I will allot a small amount of time to the discussion, I will have plans for dinner or drinks with a friend so I have to leave. I have a place to stay for about a month until we decide who is moving and when. The breakup will be tough; we have purchased everything together AND have three cats! I know he senses something is going to happen because he has started doing all the things I wanted him to do years ago and is showering me with attention. It's too little, too late! I'm afraid to go through with it because he loves me so much and it will crush him. But I haven't been "in" this relationship for a very long time and it is not fair for either of us. Has anyone who has been through a similar situation have any advice? I know there is no easy way out, but the less painful and uncomfortable it is, the better.
KR10N Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 If you feel that you no longer love him like you used to, then take your advice. It won't be the end of the world if you two split. However, it might seem that way to him but he's an adult & he'll learn to deal w/ it. If two people aren't willing to work on their relationship, then they don't belong together.
Andy_K Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 There's never really a nice way or an easy way to break up with someone. I've caused more hurt that way than I care to think about, but at the end of the day if the relationship isn't right for you, you have to do what you have to do. Good luck.
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