shinethru Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I have worked for the same company for nearly a decade. Several months back we received a new manager. The very first day that I met him, I felt instant sexual tension, which has only happened to me with one other stranger. It is the strangest feeling.. almost like electricity linked between the two of us, although I have no clue if he feels it as well. (I am assuming he does) I brushed it off for a while, but lately things have been getting kind of intense. I am starting to feel guilty, and it is causing me anxiety at work. I'm not sure if I am over-analyzing the situation, and that is where I need help. The boss is super friendly to everyone. He constantly cuts-up, so the fact that he is always talking to me didn't register any interest... until coworkers started making comments. One coworker said that the boss told a fellow manager that 'he just loves me', and the coworker said it isn't hard to tell. Two other coworkers have commented that he flirts with me and I act differently around him, and that I make it obvious that I am interested. My boss is always coming to my cubicle to talk and joke around, he texts me after hours about anything random, he has told me that i am welcome in his office any time, he has bought me coffee (but i've never seen him buy coffee for anyone else), he takes a genuine interest in my personal life by asking personal questions, he asks if i'm ok when I seem upset, and in moments when we are alone, it gets very awkward between us. We always catch each other's eyes when we walk by almost like we are magnetized to each other. He has never said anything inappropriate or outright flirtatious. Sometimes he backs off and sends mixed signals. Here is the bad thing.. as if the fact that he is my boss isn't bad enough: he is married with kids, he is 15 years older than I am, and I am in a relationship. So, am I making something out of nothing or am I right to assume that there is something between us?
skywriter Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Hi shinethru and welcome. I would think that you are the best juge of all about your situation with your boss. I always regret not listening to my inner voice and paying attention to my gut intuition. I'd say, to keep boundaries and treat your boss, the way you'd want your boyfriend, to treat a female coworker.
Emme Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 When the boss brings you coffee... He want's a sip of your coffee. If he bought it for a few of his other colleagues I would say it's just him being nice. But he's catering to you... and the other workers notice. He's visiting your cubical... when it's not work related. Flirting is fun I'm not gonna lie. It makes you feel like you still have a pulse. If you are thinking of taking it further ... HE IS YOUR BOSS... Bad idea. I still don't know how people cheat with coworkers. I would be so uncomfortable. But the man who's in charge is favoring you... If you get a promotion everyone will say you had to lay down in bed with him to get it. Do you want to more than what's happening now? Do you want to have sex with him? Is your partner no giving you the affection you need? Spill.
Author shinethru Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 well, i cannot be promoted within this particular company without going to another branch. i'm also a member of management, and there is no way of advancement at the current branch. i am a loyal person with a big conscience, which i guess is why this is bothering me so much. i do fantasize about him A LOT. i think it is b/c there are so many reason why i cannot have him (or that i'm not supposed to have him). my current relationship is great. he is very loving and i couldn't ask for more. the sexual tension between the boss and i is just overwhelming though. it also makes the work day go by much faster.
Emme Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Yeah your in trouble... Oh boy. I wish today wasn't a holiday there would be more posters on here. Ok... Would you want to confront him on the feeling you are having. Just talk as adults about it because you don't want it to go further. Do you think that's something you could do? The minute you start giving him the cold shoulder it might make your work live uncomfortable. In addition your coworkers will notice, believe me. So you have to come to some sort of agreement which means a open conversation... You'd have to put yourself out there though. Can you?
Author shinethru Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 i'm glad you see my predicament. i have been there for so long and built up so much respect. judging by my coworkers, i am quite obvious in my thoughts b/c it shows on my face, and i do not know how to control it. at this point in time, i can't sit down and have a conversation with him b/c i would hate for him to say, "well you know i am married with kids and i was only being friendly". granted, it would probably be a lie, but that in itself would cause awkwardness at work. i am waiting on him to do or say something evident. he has joked that he wanted me to have his babies, but others were around, and he is a cut-up like i said before. i had an opportunity to interview for another job and he told me he would be devastated if i left, but he wanted me to pursue what made me happy. its such a weird situation.
Emme Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Well.. You have to decide. Stop it since your conscience is telling you it's going down that road. Don't wait for him to decide. You make the decision and stick to it. Decide to be a professional. Act as though your job depends on it. If you have a new career that is available to you, you should leave. If you can't control yourself like an adult you should leave. You have to decide. Can you decide for yourself without influence? He should not influence you career moving forward. He means nothing to you. He is nothing to you. You haven't even kissed him and he's interfering in career decisions. Can you see your problem now... How much bigger it is than you realized.
Recommended Posts