red shoes Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 A friend said she met a guy. He left shortly after on a secondment in another city for a little more than a month. They've been corresponding via the email. She tells me she'll be visiting him. Is it too soon for my friend to be visiting this guy? Especially since all their long-distance interaction has mostly been over emails.
Sabali Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Yes, this is too soon. As a general rule, you should not go out of town trips with someone or a trip out of town to visit someone you recently met within the first 3 months of dating. This is too fast. There is no way you can even scratch the surface of getting to know someone within this time. There is no telling what can happen as the result of this.
Author red shoes Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 Yes, this is too soon. As a general rule, you should not go out of town trips with someone or a trip out of town to visit someone you recently met within the first 3 months of dating. This is too fast. There is no way you can even scratch the surface of getting to know someone within this time. There is no telling what can happen as the result of this. That was what I told my friend but she doesn't agree. She thinks that she should throw caution to the wind instead of always playing it safe. Am I being over protective?
Janesays Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I'm in the mindset that most men aren't rapists and murderers, so I think your friend should be perfectly safe. Whether or not the vacation goes well is a different story.
Sabali Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 That was what I told my friend but she doesn't agree. She thinks that she should throw caution to the wind instead of always playing it safe. Am I being over protective? Yes, you are. You gave her your position. If she wants to throw caution to wind, let her. Millions of desperate and impulsive daters unwisely do it every day. She seems to be very aware and determined about what she is doing. That is your cue to back off.
Author red shoes Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 I'm in the mindset that most men aren't rapists and murderers, so I think your friend should be perfectly safe. Whether or not the vacation goes well is a different story. What do you mean by the last sentence?
Janesays Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 What do you mean by the last sentence? I mean, she'll probably meet him in person and things will feel weird and awkward. Online intimacy very rarely carries over well in person in the first few meetings.
Author red shoes Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 I mean, she'll probably meet him in person and things will feel weird and awkward. Online intimacy very rarely carries over well in person in the first few meetings. They've met a few times before he left for his secondment though.
Janesays Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 They've met a few times before he left for his secondment though. Eh, she'll be fine then.
Sabali Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 For the record, my stance on this topic doesn't have as much to do with safety as it does with healthy dating behavior. I am not saying that caution should be of no concern here.
Author red shoes Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 For the record, my stance on this topic doesn't have as much to do with safety as it does with healthy dating behavior. I am not saying that caution should be of no concern here. I know what your earlier threads meant. It's a given that safety is of concern but I'm concerned what her flying to his state at this stage may say.
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