Kiranx Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I'm a 21 year old college student and I've never really been in love. I've never had a proper boyfriend because my past attempts have just failed. I'm good looking and pretty smart/athletic I just haven't met anyone yet. I am however, in a sexual relationship with someone and its beginning to take its toll on me. It's so hard to have casual sex with no feelings especially since me and him have been, er, let's say 'talking' for more than a year now. I don't get it, he's nice to me, we have AMAZING sex but...THAT'S IT. I find myself secretly wanting more from him but he hasn't changed. What do I do? I have no real reason to end it, but I KNOW he doesn't have feelings for me. How can this lust go on for so long I'm just so confused, what have I gotten myself into? I know if i just stop talking to him I'll be lonely and without sex, but if I keep talking to him I'll be still secretly wishing we take our relationship to the next level knowing he doesn't want to. Help, please.
runner Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 bite the bullet and end it. quit thinking about this guy so you can begin thinking about someone else, who is available to give you what you want.
thehead Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 As I see it you have two choices. First choice, cut him off and get over it, suffering the lonliness until you get into a relationship. Second choice, carry on until you finally explode and spill the beans that you want to be with him, your self-esteem eroding in the meantime. Which are you leaning towards?
Eddie Edirol Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Your eyes will see new guys alot easier if youre not getting sex someplace else. if you keep your eyes on this booty call of yours, you will keep missing opportunities while waiting for him. Do yourself a favor and risk the loneliness. You'll be much happier when someone comes along that you will be able to have a real relationship with. Just have patience. You found out the hard way that its not all about amazing sex.
Author Kiranx Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 Thanks a lot guys...It's gonna take maybe a few weeks but I THINK I can phase him out..gonna be a sad sex-less journey...
spiderowl Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) There's no need for him to want more because he's already getting it - the fantastic sex, the emotional interest and possibly devotion. He is sitting pretty and does not have to give - not that he sounds the giving type anyway. I suppose it's just possible that if you give up on him and withdraw the sex and the attention, he might start to realise what he's got to lose. He might have an epiphany! On the other hand, he might not and may just wander off to the next woman who is prepared to indulge in casual sex with him. This does seem a fruitless sort of relationship for you and, like others have said, it diverts you from noticing other guys and finding something more fulfilling. It may not be doing your self-esteem any good either as you know the balance is tipped in his favour and he is 'in control'. You will probably feel proud of yourself if you end it (and sexually frustrated but it could be worth it). If he does decide he wants back, don't let him get into a relationship with you again unless the terms change completely: he may just be suffering from sex withdrawal and it might be a temporary lapse on his part. I'd certainly work on the basis that once you end it, it's over for good and you can move towards the next phase in your life. It won't be easy but then again, won't it be nice to know you've turned him away? There might be a certain satisfaction in that. Edited May 30, 2011 by spiderowl
Author Kiranx Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 yeah I guess it does seem fruitless, guess I'll just pull away...I just don't understand how it's been going on for over a year and how he DOESN'T have feelings for me...I mean we have so much fun together, I've met some of his friends he's met mine, we get along well...meh...I guess it means more to me than to him or else he would have said something by now.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 yeah I guess it does seem fruitless, guess I'll just pull away...I just don't understand how it's been going on for over a year and how he DOESN'T have feelings for me...I mean we have so much fun together, I've met some of his friends he's met mine, we get along well...meh...I guess it means more to me than to him or else he would have said something by now. For him its almost the same thing. He gets sex from you, so he looks less hungry to other women, but he's also not looking. So he might not be giving some women a chance. But he wont appreciate you ever if he doesnt have to work for you. But some guys have criteria that they want for a gf, and you probably dont meet all the standards in his eyes, which is why he depends on you to keep wanting more to keep the sex coming. If you were active in trying to find a guy that wants a relationship almost a year ago, you would have killed his game.
Nexus One Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 With all due respect, but if I had an interest in you, but heard you were currently having casual sex with some other guy, then I wouldn't be motivated to become your boyfriend, I'd lose interest upon hearing it and would move on. It's not that what you're doing is wrong, but it gives off a sl*tty vibe to guys who want a serious relationship. I'd be thinking, she wants me as her boyfriend, yet she's currently screwing some other random guy. Because of that I'd question your ability to have a serious relationship.
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