TheLawmaker Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Um, I agree with you that your boyfriend should forgive, but he obviously isn't. That doesn't make him a jerk. And he probably feels betrayed, because you were the one who cheated. Not him. Best to move on, and let him move on. And stop name calling each other, it's time to let it go.
utterer of lies Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I don't understand why people are defending her. She cheated on him and isn't remorseful in the slightest - she just doesn't like the consequences of her behavior. Poor thing, she sometimes has to cry because her bf can't deal with her betrayal. Oooooh. And the casual way she mentions the cheating...it probably wasn't even the first time, just the first time she got caught. I think she should stay - maybe she learns something about the effect of her actions on others. Or about integrity. But yeah, most likely she won't, so leaving him might be the more efficient solution on the way to more cheating and whoring.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) So I decided that he is a disrespectful jerk that doesnt knw how to forgive and forget Had a good laugh reading this thread, especially the people defending this poor innocent little thing, "just barely out of childhood". Apparently, she's old enough to vote, but not old enough to tell the difference between right and wrong and be held accountable for her actions...How modern and progressive! Edited May 30, 2011 by Feelsgoodman
John Michael Kane Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 A couple is 2. No it is not and it doesn't really matter. If you want to be stereotypical, the cheating that happened wasn't even a long time ago. The fact remains she's being intentionally immature and inconsiderate of her BF's feelings.
John Michael Kane Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Had a good laugh reading this thread, especially the people defending this poor innocent little thing, "just barely out of childhood". Apparently, she's old enough to vote, but not old enough to tell the difference between right and wrong and be held accountable for her actions...How modern and progressive! Exactly. "Oh poor child!":laugh:
AmEricanWomann Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 MZ, you have to understand, cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship. Some may rationalize that lots of people do it, but it doesn't make it any less hurtful. So you may have damaged your relationship irreparably. I can understand why your boyfriend is upset, but neither you nor he should have to spend the rest of your lives in a relationship where one person can never trust the other. He's miserable and he's making you miserable. Some might say you deserve it, but that's not the point. Relationships shouldn't be all about hurt and retribution. If he can't trust you and you're both making each other desperately unhappy, what is the point of being together?. He'll probably never trust you completely or maybe even at all again. And let's face it, if you cheated on him in the first place then either there was something you were lacking in the relationship or you weren't ready to be monogamous. I think you need to break it off before you too damage each other even further. Hopefully you can use this as a learning experience and not make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
HeavenOrHell Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Good post! MZ, you have to understand, cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship. Some may rationalize that lots of people do it, but it doesn't make it any less hurtful. So you may have damaged your relationship irreparably. I can understand why your boyfriend is upset, but neither you nor he should have to spend the rest of your lives in a relationship where one person can never trust the other. He's miserable and he's making you miserable. Some might say you deserve it, but that's not the point. Relationships shouldn't be all about hurt and retribution. If he can't trust you and you're both making each other desperately unhappy, what is the point of being together?. He'll probably never trust you completely or maybe even at all again. And let's face it, if you cheated on him in the first place then either there was something you were lacking in the relationship or you weren't ready to be monogamous. I think you need to break it off before you too damage each other even further. Hopefully you can use this as a learning experience and not make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
HeavenOrHell Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Erm...how many months is a couple in your book then John?! It is quite relevant as 2 months (ie a couple) isn't very long to deal with/come to terms with/forgive, but 6 or 7 months is starting to look like he may never feel able to forgive her or trust her again, understandably. No it is not and it doesn't really matter. If you want to be stereotypical, the cheating that happened wasn't even a long time ago. The fact remains she's being intentionally immature and inconsiderate of her BF's feelings.
John Michael Kane Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Erm...how many months is a couple in your book then John?! It is quite relevant as 2 months (ie a couple) isn't very long to deal with/come to terms with/forgive, but 6 or 7 months is starting to look like he may never feel able to forgive her or trust her again, understandably. Six or seven months is not a long time and that's ridiculous to even say that's enough time for someone to even begin to move on. You can put a time on healing from infidelity.
LexiB Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Six or seven months is not a long time and that's ridiculous to even say that's enough time for someone to even begin to move on. You can put a time on healing from infidelity. Riight...and he's entited to feel everything he does. BUT, he chose to stay in the relationship. Forgiving someone for cheating is a heroic thing - it takes a lot of strength and courage to continue to be emotionally vulnerable to someone who's already betrayed your trust. This decision to forgive however, does NOT grant the forgiver the right to treat the betrayer like sh*t whenever the mood strikes. If one chooses to forgive, one is also implicitly promising to not hoard the mistake over the betrayers head from the point of forgiveness, on. If the OP's bf can't make that promise - and there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with him if he can't (hell, I wouldn't be able to) - then he can't be in a relationship with her. Period.
thatone Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 she gave up all rights and reasonable expectations when she cheated on him. if he keeps her around for a warm piece of meat that he doesn't have to work too hard for until he finds someone better, and she goes for it, that's on her. once trust is violated all's fair. there is no way you can make this his fault you might as well stop trying.
rafallus Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 (edited) Just because you cheated, doesn't mean that you have to be humiliated for life. It's pretty clear you got some punishment, now you're just being a doormat - your best bet is cutting him loose. This is precisely why I don't believe in working things out after cheating, but maybe I'm just wired like that. Edited May 31, 2011 by rafallus
reservoirdog1 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Based on what you have said so far I disagree with those that said you should break up. If you really do love him and have seen the error of your ways then keep working at it. IMHO, it's not helping the analysis to refer to her cheating as an "error". An error is something done by mistake, without thinking, by being careless, by accident, etc. Cheating is a conscious decision, which I have no doubt the OP knew was wrong when she decided to go ahead with it. Yet she chose to go ahead with it anyway. She made her conscious decision to cheat after they'd only been together for about 15 months. If she was already so dissatisfied with the relationship at the 15 month mark to spread her legs for another guy, I don't see that there's much of anything worth saving. Your relationship is dead, OP. You killed it. Let him go find somebody who will be faithful to him, chalk this up to a life lesson painfully learned, and make sure you're faithful to every one of your boyfriends from now on.
Dust Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Forgiving someone for cheating is a heroic thing - it takes a lot of strength and courage to continue to be emotionally vulnerable to someone who's already betrayed your trust. This decision to forgive however, does NOT grant the forgiver the right to treat the betrayer like sh*t whenever the mood strikes. If one chooses to forgive, one is also implicitly promising to not hoard the mistake over the betrayers head from the point of forgiveness, on. If the OP's bf can't make that promise - and there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with him if he can't (hell, I wouldn't be able to) - then he can't be in a relationship with her. Period. I would forgive some one for cheating for my own good. The thing is there is nothing heroic about continuing to date that person. I would not continue to date some one especially in the OP situation. I mean they are young and other then dating for a short while have no reason to stay together. Like I said the guy agreed to keep dating her out of weakness. So, of course he is going to be insecure and mean. If he had been more secure he would have just dumped her. Nothing heroic about continuing to date some one who cheated on you, just misguided and drama filled.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I agree with Tara Maiden I second that. Move on with your life - and next time you're in a relationship and you want to be with a different guy - break up with the boyfriend first.
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