mZ JAY Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Maybe about 6 of 7 mths ago, I got caught cheating on my boyfriend, he said he forgives me but every chance he get he holds it over my head, it gets so terrible sometimes I cry, sometimes I even want to end our whole 2 year relationship, but whenevr I attempt to do that he ask " So your gonna break up with me?", " After everything I bought you and all the places I took you?", I wnt to end it bt I dnt knw how. His name callin and hanging up on me just gets to me. So I decided that he is a disrespectful jerk that doesnt knw how to forgive and forget, I knw what I did was wrong and I understand that bt If he wasnt going to forgive me in the first place, Why would he tell me he wants to continue the relationship and that no matter what I do he will still love me. Someone help me, Im 18 years old and about to start college soon, Should I settle for this crap or jst move on? Advice plz.
John Michael Kane Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Maybe about 6 of 7 mths ago, I got caught cheating on my boyfriend, he said he forgives me but every chance he get he holds it over my head, it gets so terrible sometimes I cry, sometimes I even want to end our whole 2 year relationship, but whenevr I attempt to do that he ask " So your gonna break up with me?", " After everything I bought you and all the places I took you?", I wnt to end it bt I dnt knw how. His name callin and hanging up on me just gets to me. So I decided that he is a disrespectful jerk that doesnt knw how to forgive and forget, I knw what I did was wrong and I understand that bt If he wasnt going to forgive me in the first place, Why would he tell me he wants to continue the relationship and that no matter what I do he will still love me. Someone help me, Im 18 years old and about to start college soon, Should I settle for this crap or jst move on? Advice plz. Wait hold on. Let me get this straight. You cheated on him a couple months ago and you're impatient (and obviously unremorseful) because he's upset and confused on whether to leave you? And you're calling him a jerk when you're the one who cheated on him not long ago? He has a right to be angry with you. You saying he should "forgive and forget", no wonder the guy is mad. The fact that you're 18 doesn't negate what you've done. You're old enough to own your actions and to act like the mature adult you're supposed to be. With your attitude, it's best that you do break up with him because all you're doing is hurting him. He needs to find someone else.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 If you cheated on him, youve already emotionally broken up with him for the most part. If youre still not getting fullfilled, you might as well break up with him now anyway. Hes doing the right thing by holding it over your head, youre in no place to be forgiven. Its not up to you, he has to forgive you at HIS pace, not yours.
BWLoca Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 The relationship will never go anywhere until he does forgive you. Best to move on. You really don't have to stick around for abuse (name calling and hanging up).
Titania22 Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 You cheated on him a couple months ago 6-7 months is more than a couple.
Author mZ JAY Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 So I jst gt off the phone with my boyfriend because I culdnt sleep after he hung up on me AGAIN, So I called him back, Nd now all he can do is accuse me of cheating again, I keep tellin him tht there is nothing goin on, bt he is so persistent tht I am, He raids my cell phne everytime he sees me and blows me up with questions, Is this apart of the " forgiving at his own pace"? if so I dnt want it,
thatone Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Maybe about 6 of 7 mths ago, I got caught cheating on my boyfriend, he said he forgives me but every chance he get he holds it over my head, it gets so terrible sometimes I cry, sometimes I even want to end our whole 2 year relationship, but whenevr I attempt to do that he ask " So your gonna break up with me?", " After everything I bought you and all the places I took you?", I wnt to end it bt I dnt knw how. His name callin and hanging up on me just gets to me. So I decided that he is a disrespectful jerk that doesnt knw how to forgive and forget, I knw what I did was wrong and I understand that bt If he wasnt going to forgive me in the first place, Why would he tell me he wants to continue the relationship and that no matter what I do he will still love me. Someone help me, Im 18 years old and about to start college soon, Should I settle for this crap or jst move on? Advice plz. he's getting his revenge. sounds like it's working as planned.
spiderowl Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 He wants you but you cheated on him and he cannot forget. What you are dealing with is the understandable aftermath of a betrayal. He knows deep down that you wouldn't have done that if you were truly in love with him. He knows the writing is on the wall and is angry with you yet can't bear to give up on you. You feel guilty about breaking up with him, although it seems you did that emotionally some time ago. It's only a matter of time before one of you walks out, probably triggered by yet another argument. Perhaps you could both talk and agree that it's not working and that it's clear he'll never get over your betrayal. Perhaps you can agree to free each other then.
Dust Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Welcome to the drama you have created in your life. Yes your bf should have just dumped you. Him staying with you and holding it over your head in some drama filled situation is about the best you could have hoped for. Really if he was a guy with more respect for himself he would have just dumped a person like you. I hope for your own sake you learn from your mistakes. You should probably leave him. Obviously you are going to feel guilt but what other options do you have left.
thatone Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Perhaps you could both talk and agree that it's not working and that it's clear he'll never get over your betrayal. Perhaps you can agree to free each other then. i highly doubt that. any attempt to confront him will wind up with another speech about how he's innocent and she's not. he's just getting what he can from a bad situation, probably already resigned himself to the fact that she'll leave eventually, and he'll still think she's a heartless liar when that day comes so he won't be any worse for wear.
thatdog Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Based on what you have said so far I disagree with those that said you should break up. If you really do love him and have seen the error of your ways then keep working at it. What he is doing now is normal for someone who has been betrayed. I'm basically in your bf's position atm (though it was an EA). We have been to counseling and several months down the track I have forgiven her, but I still haven't forgotten. She has showed remorse and adhered to every one of my demands for transparency and boundaries set. I am generally comfortable with the fact that she cares about me and things are mostly back to normal. Yet I still can't completely forget. Every time she takes a phone call or gets a text message from someone I immediately remember what happened and start wondering. When she leaves her phone out I have to fight the urge (not always successfully yet) to pick it up and start checking her texts and call logs. It IS getting better though, and I know through her actions that she feels the same way and is ok with putting up with my s*** because she thinks it is worth it in the long run. If you feel the same way then just keep trying. You have to show he can trust you. If he puts unreasonable expectations on you then stick to them and don;t fight it if you think you want to be with him in the long run. Hopefully with time things will get better and he will start to trust you again. He is still with you because he loves you and believes this can still work. If he didn't he would have broken up with you.l He might still do that if he decides that he really can't forgive and forget but leave it up to him. btw- what chances do you give him to hold it over your head?
TaraMaiden Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Kerrrist, the girl is only 18! She's barely out of childhood! She's inexperienced, and she messed up! She's way too young to have to be dealing with all this flak and heavy drama, give the girl a break, guys!! mZ JAY: Leave the relationship. It's not a relationship, and you're way too young to be thinking of settling down with one guy and committing to him for keeps... Drop this farce, stop doing this to yourself, you're not obliged to stay in anything that makes you feel ridiculed, bullied and sad. Go away to college. I'm in no way suggesting you should play around, but you should be enjoying the freedom to socialise and enjoy your youth. This guy is not the one to do it with. Ditch this crap and move on.
Velociraptor Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Kerrrist, the girl is only 18! She's barely out of childhood! She's inexperienced, and she messed up! She's way too young to have to be dealing with all this flak and heavy drama, give the girl a break, guys!! You wouldn't be saying that if she was a guy.
TaraMaiden Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Oh god, here we go.... Yes, I would actually. I don't discriminate. In fact, given that it's a biological fact guys mature more slowly than most girls, he'd be even 'younger' and I'd be telling him to look to his self-esteem and not be used as a doormat by the b*tch. Role reversal in emotional matters doesn't affect me like it does you. As it must, or you wouldn't bring it up. I'm 54, I've been round the block a few times, so really, this gender-bashing isn't something I find mature.
NSDNQ Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 are you my ex???? hahahahahah but seriously. why did you cheat?
TaraMaiden Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 are you my ex???? hahahahahah but seriously. why did you cheat? Who are you talking to....?
NSDNQ Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Who are you talking to....? the OP sorry not sure why I missed the quote button there lol
TaraMaiden Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Oh.... Ok. Cool... I think the basic reason people cheat is because they're not fully committed to the one they're with, for whatever reasons exist at the time. It could be simple folly, it could be youth, it could be not being into the other person as seriously as they thought. (This is all specific to this situation. She is only 18, after all.) Can anybody here truly say, hand on heart, that the relationships they had at that age were deep, meaningful, permanent and seriously long-term? sure.... it happens, but it's rare....
NSDNQ Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Oh.... Ok. Cool... I think the basic reason people cheat is because they're not fully committed to the one they're with, for whatever reasons exist at the time. It could be simple folly, it could be youth, it could be not being into the other person as seriously as they thought. (This is all specific to this situation. She is only 18, after all.) Can anybody here truly say, hand on heart, that the relationships they had at that age were deep, meaningful, permanent and seriously long-term? sure.... it happens, but it's rare.... I can say I was approaching it being deep, meaningful, permanent and seriously long-term... unfortunately my ex wasnt :laugh:
HeavenOrHell Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 People make mistakes, and you realise what you did was wrong and you probably know you wouldn't like it if you were cheated on, so you've learnt from it But you are being harsh with him over this, this doesn't mean you should put up with bad behaviour from him. You need to tell him that you realise what you did was wrong and that if he understandably finds it too hard to trust you now then it's best to go your separate ways. If he says so 'you're gonna break up with me after everything I bought you' etc etc, say 'yes because I cheated on you, and it's hurt you too much there's no way back from it unless you work with me on this.' You could try r/ship counselling but you probably can't afford it at your age. It does sound like he's never really going to come to terms with it or trust you again if he's feeling like this 6 or 7 months on. Maybe about 6 of 7 mths ago, I got caught cheating on my boyfriend, he said he forgives me but every chance he get he holds it over my head, it gets so terrible sometimes I cry, sometimes I even want to end our whole 2 year relationship, but whenevr I attempt to do that he ask " So your gonna break up with me?", " After everything I bought you and all the places I took you?", I wnt to end it bt I dnt knw how. His name callin and hanging up on me just gets to me. So I decided that he is a disrespectful jerk that doesnt knw how to forgive and forget, I knw what I did was wrong and I understand that bt If he wasnt going to forgive me in the first place, Why would he tell me he wants to continue the relationship and that no matter what I do he will still love me. Someone help me, Im 18 years old and about to start college soon, Should I settle for this crap or jst move on? Advice plz.
John Michael Kane Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 6-7 months is more than a couple. Sorry no it is not.
John Michael Kane Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 It doesn't matter if she's only 18, she's old enough to know right from wrong and she's practically an adult.
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