numbandnumber Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 My wife of 20 years has told me that she and my two young teens are fed up woith the tension I cause. She has said that my expectations are too high and I have not been fair. She has said while she had never hoped it would come to this, the only way to salvage relationships with the kids may be for me to move out. I totally own my role and am seeing a therapist to help me become more in touch with my feelings and behaviors. I have asked my wife to consider letting me prove that my work on myself will make out home happier. I am hoping deeply she will. I want to do this and know I have to sustain it for some time NOT making mistakes. I hope I can demonstrate my commitment. Moreover, I hope my family will come to see this is real. I am totally committed to doing this but want to be successful but don't want to smother them too. Anyone been here? Help and advice SO welcome!
ShatteredReality Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 If she loves you and the reason she's separating is because of behaviors you need to improve then improving them should help. I'll tell you this, though, it won't be easy and she's going to be scared that it's all temporary or smoke in mirrors so to speak. I have been that wife - so I can say that it's really hard to believe it's not an act just to "win you back". For the next couple of years every time you slip it will give her a moment to fear...not that it'd be a deal breaker, but she'll probably second guess herself for a minute or two...just keep working on yourself...do this and hope for your family back, but do it with the knowledge that it may not get them back but at least you will be happier with yourself for it.
az5654 Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Been there....I separated from my wife in February due to similar circumstances. I had been very selfish during our relationship and my actions and behavior spilled out over into the family. I was told on a couple of occasions from my wife that this separation wasn't about "sowing her wild oats" or seeking another relationship. Throughout the separation, I sought counseling and tried to improve myself. But after 2 ½ months, with everything I did and said under a magnifying glass, her expectations were not met and she quickly met someone else that is now living in my house and banging my wife in my bed. I don’t believe I ever stood a chance and she was just clearing the way for this other guy to step in. She has since filed for divorce in May. My only concerns now are my son, which is 3 years old. And to a lesser degree, her daughters, which are 14 and 10 – old enough to see the choices their mom is making.
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