Torytorytory Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 And yeah it is tough when u realize you can only fix you and not everybody else.
Trimmer Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 And yeah it is tough when u realize you can only fix you and not everybody else. ...or, it can be empowering to realize that although you can't fix everybody else, you can fix yourself...
Mimolicious Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 ...or, it can be empowering to realize that although you can't fix everybody else, you can fix yourself... I you!
fooled once Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Fooled once. I, of all people do NOT want to accuse somebody of verbal and or emotional abuse if they don't deserve it. My parents have witnessed the way he has treated me over the years and have mentioned it to me. Not too long ago, I was complaining to my Mom about how my oldest daughter always screams at me for no reason and doesn't believe she is. My mom said to me, she had seen her dad do that so much so she thinks it is ok to do. My parents used to get very upset over the way he treated me and my kids. I always defended him. I am hoping to learn through counseling if it is really all me like my h says or if it is abuse. I start counseling this morning and am excited because I feel like I am doing something to finally to figure things out. My h has been really trying and very nice lately although he has also been out of town alot. This morning I asked him if he would be willing to get ic. He said no, he isn't the one with the problems. At this point, you can't make him go to an IC. You can only focus on you. As for doing a hobby together, you both must compromise - meet in the middle. But you have to decide first IF you want to try to make your marriage work. You both have patterns / behaviors that need to shift. You both have to be committed. Regarding biking, I know many couples who share this interest - with one of the best benefits is it is healthy. Maybe compromise to bike with him for 3 weeks and then he will do an activity you like. I must confess tho, there is no way I would swing dance Like I said, sit down with a list you each make of hobbies/ activities you both like and work together to decide on stuff to try. Both of you digging your heels in will not solve the issues. I wish you luck in deciding what you want - to either try again or end it.
White Flower Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Counseling this am was awesome! What an eye opener! It was a God thing. The counselor is a christian yet also does believe in divorce if necessary. She also said my h has no idea what he is doing is abusive nor does he know how to change. She recommended a couple of books for him to read and a couple for me to read. Her speciality had also been domestic violence. She has dealt with hardcore domestic abuse so she isn't going to be saying he is abusive when he isn't. We're going to work on me so I don't allow it anymore. She said he may read the books and decide to get help, but that's not on me, it's his choice. I'm excited and have already started reading them!Sounds awesome Tory! I'm SO glad you found a great IC!
Torytorytory Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Yeah problem is that he refuses to do any hobbies I like. I tried biking with him before. The first time, he ditched me and the 2nd time, he took me up the toughest hill we have and now he laughs about it because that is why I refuse to bike with him. I did suggest us joining a mustang club and he wants to do that.
White Flower Posted June 8, 2011 Posted June 8, 2011 Yeah problem is that he refuses to do any hobbies I like. I tried biking with him before. The first time, he ditched me and the 2nd time, he took me up the toughest hill we have and now he laughs about it because that is why I refuse to bike with him. I did suggest us joining a mustang club and he wants to do that. Well that sounds like a nice compromise. I took an East Coast Swing class last Summer by myself and loved it. Don't be afraid to go by yourself, perhaps it'll challenge your H to want to go with you. It's worth a try, and you'll have fun in the meantime.
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