jwi71 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Yesterday, he resigned from the game and said his wife found our texts and asked him to choose. Can you imagine if his wife found out and told my husband? At first the W finds out then she somehow "un-finds" out. Tsk tsk tsk. Poor trolling. Seriously, I think trolls need some type of certificate or diploma now. I mean, they can't even get basic facts straight in ONE thread. I mean, after they start three or four I can see how its easy to forget what you posted. But one? ONE?!?!?! Sigh. Go read Daisy-love...NOW that's some much higher quality trolling. Entertaining too...had a few lol's on her threads.
Author Kariva Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 You misread it. I was referring to the fact I wanted to have an affair with somebody else. Read the whole thing please and stay away from me.
26pointblue Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 You misread it. I was referring to the fact I wanted to have an affair with somebody else. Read the whole thing please and stay away from me. Right, that would be an especially poor choice when one's husband is abusive. I think the reason people are having a hard time reconciling your posts is that you say your husband is abusive but that your family would be upset if you left him. Can you help us out with this? Why in the world would your family want you to stay with an abusive man? Is that you haven't told them he's abusive? Okay, so what if you tell them he's abusive & that you're leaving? Why wouldn't they support you in leaving him once they know he's abusive? Or do they know he's abusive yet want you to stay with him because there is something wrong with them? In which case you don't need their support -- you can find better support from a battered woman's network or a therapist etc. but if your family wouldn't support you in leaving an abusive man, then they are not good family members & you shouldn't care what they think. This to me is why you come off as disingenous & I would like to help you but need to understand the situation better. I posted an honest post assuming you're not a troll but you skipped over it & fought with people who think you're a troll instead of me - I'm not saying you are or aren't because there's some conflicting info but if you aren't then I want to help, so, talk to me . . .
Author Kariva Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 I don't believe anyone has pointed this out yet, so I'm going to. I'd venture to say that it isn't this particular man that is so appealing as much as how he made you feel IS. When you understand that it isn't the loss of a man you've never even met, but the loss of the good feelings you had, you'll be able to process this and move on a lot quicker. You've been in a verbally abusive marriage for 25 years. I've been there (for ten and physical as well as emotional/verbal) and I know how it makes a person feel. Someone comes along and makes you feel good about yourself. It could have been ANYONE who did this...the loss of that person (ie those feelings) is going to HURT. The good news is YOU have the ability to do this for yourself. Form STRONG friendships (not with condescending people who will judge you), get your personal life in order, take up hobbies that you enjoy and do things you'regood at. Demand nothing less than respect from your H and you guys get into MC and you IC as well and start turning this around. Years of abuse will kill your soul. This guy just breathed a little life back into it. He's not special. He just made you feel that way. I believe you are right! He would send me texts every morning saying I am beautiful etc. That's what I miss! I need ic. My husband won't hey mc, I've asked him alot. I will say though that he has been super nice to me over the past week. Thanks so much for your help. I do appreciate it! I've also learned I obviously couldn't handle an affair if I can't even handle this.
26pointblue Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I believe you are right! He would send me texts every morning saying I am beautiful etc. That's what I miss! I need ic. My husband won't hey mc, I've asked him alot. I will say though that he has been super nice to me over the past week. Thanks so much for your help. I do appreciate it! I've also learned I obviously couldn't handle an affair if I can't even handle this. Okay, so this is good insight you've gained. You need to feel beautiful inside & out on your own, without any MM or any other guy to tell you that. I know it's hard & that's one reason I got involved with my xMM except in my case it was about feeling competent/good at my job & feeling successful. I didn't feel that way about myself inside until he came along & told me that all the time. I wanted to be successful like him & so I hung out with him all the time trying to be like him . . . when really if I had felt successful inside, I never would have been lured in. Now I try to talk positively to myself & compliment myself & really believe in myself, because looking to someone else to do that will only get us into trouble! We need to believe it & not let anyone change our minds or use our lack of belief to their advantage.
Mimolicious Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I don't care if you believe me or not, I came here for help. I am sure I stated that his wife found out by reading our texts and he made a choice and went no contact. I am not following his son on twitter, but you can search for somebody's name and see their posts. What avatar? I don't believe I uploaded anything. Whoa! That is a tad bit stalker'ish to look at what his son puts on Twitter.
Author Kariva Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Thank you for your help, I'm done here . . . moving on.
Author Kariva Posted June 1, 2011 Author Posted June 1, 2011 Ciao Bella! After all only God can judge a troll. Christian much!? You're right, I made it all up, I'm a troll please forgive me.
Woman In Blue Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 And I also stated this ea was online and on the phone. I know his name and he knows mine. I also know the names of his kids and he knows everything about me. Then ending your 'affair' via text was completely appropriate, since that's what it was .. a chat/text/phone 'affair.' Hardly the love affair of the century. :rolleyes: And for what it's worth, you should have completed college YEARS ago. Once a kid goes to school, there are HOURS in the day you can dedicate to schooling. I was a SAHM for 3 years and I had TONS of spare time - and I did all the work around the house, including the yard work - hubby didn't have to do a thing. Your kids are full grown which means it's been YEARS since you've had to do anything remotely CLOSE to childcare. Such wasted, unproductive time. One would think you would have been motivated to START doing something productive towards becoming financially independent when you'd see your poor kids CRYING because their abusive daddy was on his way home from one of his business trips. But even THAT didn't motivate you to do anything more than continue staying right where you are because the living was just too easy. It's one thing when you want to be lazy and sacrifice your pride and self esteem for some emotionally and verbally abusive clout just because you don't want to get out of the house and actually support yourself. It's quite another thing, however, when you're willing to subject your own children to it. If you're NOT a troll, why don't you quit wasting your time looking for men to make you feel better about yourself and do something PRODUCTIVE? You won't need anyone to make you feel better because you'll have self satisfaction, instead.
MikeRogers Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 @Kariva, I'm not sure if youve already left this discussion ... but i hope not. This story resonates with me SO much. If you can, please come back to discuss so you can get help, guidance, direction, etc. I'm new to the forum ... seeking help. To me, it's interesting how YOU feel hurt ... and yet YOUR family hasn't found out. It seems fairly selfish (sorry for saying) that you're worried about your "breakup" with this MM when clearly, according to your posts, you know his son(s) have said their family is "shattered". Did you ever meet this man? How can you "fall" for a man that you've never even met? How much do you know about him? Do you feel better AFTER this emotional tryst? I'm asking cause I've been in a loveless marriage for a LONG time and have been tempted to stray for some time. Listening and learning from this story has helped me thus far. God bless!
Torytorytory Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 @Kariva, I'm not sure if youve already left this discussion ... but i hope not. This story resonates with me SO much. If you can, please come back to discuss so you can get help, guidance, direction, etc. I'm new to the forum ... seeking help. To me, it's interesting how YOU feel hurt ... and yet YOUR family hasn't found out. It seems fairly selfish (sorry for saying) that you're worried about your "breakup" with this MM when clearly, according to your posts, you know his son(s) have said their family is "shattered". Did you ever meet this man? How can you "fall" for a man that you've never even met? How much do you know about him? Do you feel better AFTER this emotional tryst? I'm asking cause I've been in a loveless marriage for a LONG time and have been tempted to stray for some time. Listening and learning from this story has helped me thus far. God bless! I am guessing she got banned for saying she is a troll, but I am not sure. I am only guessing. I am also guessing that the original post was made in the heat of the emotion and the heat of being rejected. Now that a few days have gone by, I am guessing that she feels very selfish and that she also feels that you are correct in everything you have said. I am guessing she is wondering how she could have fallen for a man she has never met. People have so many secrets they can hide online. Perhaps she only wanted to feel good about herself and he helped her do that? When somebody continually tells you that you are beautiful, you feed right into that. I am also guessing that after what she saw the son write, she felt especially bad about the whole thing. If you will reread her post, you will see where she said she didn't feel bad anymore about herself or the mm, but mainly the sons and wife. You will also see that she never met the man in person. I am also guessing that this emotional tryst has actually helped her out a great deal! I think it probably helped her to determine that the risks and hurt that can be caused by any kind of affair to innocent people aren't worth it. I am also in a loveless marriage and yet, is it really loveless? Whose fault is that? What if we spent as much time on our marriages as she spent texting the mm? What if you texted your wife every morning and told her she is beautiful? What if you kissed her everynight and told her to have sweet dreams? What if I did that to my husband? What would happen to our marriages? God Bless you too
MikeRogers Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 good points. Hopefully she gets to read this as to not feel anyone is talking behind her back. (I don't know what "troll" means but hopefully she didn't get banned ...) it's sort of alarming that this MM and Kariva were talking about his children. Whether they're in their 30's or little children, Im sure that the age of the children bears no weight on the effect this has on his wife and kids (and GRANDKIDS?). You mentioned that this whole situation has helped her (presumably), but, in all honesty, if this is a situation that's she's been deliberating for "YEARS", there's NO WAY that in the course of 24-48 hours (and an internet message board) that she's "healed" and seeing clearly. This is something that's going to take DEEP emotional therapy and prayer and resolution in her. What is so unfortunate is that now, according to these posts, one family is "shattered" but yet her (Kariva's) family is still going on business as usual ... unaffected. She can walk away, no problem ... but now MM's family has to deal with this and suffer (possibly breakup) with no answers? Was MM really honest when he said his wife found the "texts? No one will know. I've read through this a few times and trying to make sense and help of all this. I wonder if she's had anymore contact with MM? Or, if she's seeking professional help? Hopefully ... In this situation, obviously it's hard to come up with answers when only hearing one side. I wonder what Kariva's husband would say if being asked about his "abusive behavior" ... I wonder if she could post some of the things he would actually say to her. I'm not accusing him of NOT being abusive, but it seems she's just saying being "abusive" is not telling her she's "beautiful". Neglect = Abuse? It takes two to tango ... so both parties are to blame ... but, Kariva, is this "texting relationship" MM worth losing your family over? My guess is, no. She stated she "fell for him" ... my assumption is she fell for the "thought of him" or someone like him cause truthfully, there's NO WAY you can truly know someone by a texting relationship (or even phone call relationship). Torytorytory, thoughts on this? Kariva, thoughts on this?
trinity1 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Kariva's banned alright. Another OW falling victim for being falsely accused of being a troll.
MikeRogers Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 OW? oh, "other woman?" what is a "troll?" Sorry, I'm not tech savvy.
Torytorytory Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 good points. Hopefully she gets to read this as to not feel anyone is talking behind her back. (I don't know what "troll" means but hopefully she didn't get banned ...) it's sort of alarming that this MM and Kariva were talking about his children. Whether they're in their 30's or little children, Im sure that the age of the children bears no weight on the effect this has on his wife and kids (and GRANDKIDS?). You mentioned that this whole situation has helped her (presumably), but, in all honesty, if this is a situation that's she's been deliberating for "YEARS", there's NO WAY that in the course of 24-48 hours (and an internet message board) that she's "healed" and seeing clearly. This is something that's going to take DEEP emotional therapy and prayer and resolution in her. What is so unfortunate is that now, according to these posts, one family is "shattered" but yet her (Kariva's) family is still going on business as usual ... unaffected. She can walk away, no problem ... but now MM's family has to deal with this and suffer (possibly breakup) with no answers? Was MM really honest when he said his wife found the "texts? No one will know. I've read through this a few times and trying to make sense and help of all this. I wonder if she's had anymore contact with MM? Or, if she's seeking professional help? Hopefully ... In this situation, obviously it's hard to come up with answers when only hearing one side. I wonder what Kariva's husband would say if being asked about his "abusive behavior" ... I wonder if she could post some of the things he would actually say to her. I'm not accusing him of NOT being abusive, but it seems she's just saying being "abusive" is not telling her she's "beautiful". Neglect = Abuse? It takes two to tango ... so both parties are to blame ... but, Kariva, is this "texting relationship" MM worth losing your family over? My guess is, no. She stated she "fell for him" ... my assumption is she fell for the "thought of him" or someone like him cause truthfully, there's NO WAY you can truly know someone by a texting relationship (or even phone call relationship). Torytorytory, thoughts on this? Kariva, thoughts on this? Like I said, I am pretty certain she got banned. I am also pretty certain she is aware that nobody is talking behind her back. I am guessing that it is alarming they were talking about his children as well as her children, but when they "felt" like they knew each other very well it was only a natural thing to do. You are right in the fact that there is no way that she can be healed by a message board or within 24-48 hours, but I believe she is making progress. The key being prayer. What I don't understand, is that you mention "was mm being honest when he said his wife found the texts?" I don't know why his family would be shattered if she didn't find the texts? Unless he told them? Do you think he told them? Yeah, it isn't fair that his family is shattered and hers isn't, but this is something she has to live with. I'm pretty sure she has had no more contact with MM. He told her he wasn't going to and I'm pretty sure he hasn't. I doubt it's worth Kariva losing her famly over a texting relationship, especially when you don't know somebody and don't know their hidden secrets. As for the abusive husband, I am guessing that it was 25 years of constant put downs and never being good enough. I am also guessing it was mean teasing and making sure the children put her down as well. I am also guessing that it was being emotionally unavailable at all times. Although she did state that over the past week he has actually been nice to her.
trinity1 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 OW? oh, "other woman?" what is a "troll?" Sorry, I'm not tech savvy. "One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument." (definition from Urban Dictionary)
Torytorytory Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Kariva's banned alright. Another OW falling victim for being falsely accused of being a troll. Does this happen alot?
trinity1 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Does this happen alot? Yes, it's been happening a lot lately. In my opinion there is more damage being done mistakingly suspecting a poster of being a troll than the damage the actual trolls are doing.
Torytorytory Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Yes, it's been happening a lot lately. In my opinion there is more damage being done mistakingly suspecting a poster of being a troll than the damage the actual trolls are doing. In all honesty, I don't believe she was a troll. Just somebody looking for some help and new to message boards and the way they work . . .
Mimolicious Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Yes, it's been happening a lot lately. In my opinion there is more damage being done mistakingly suspecting a poster of being a troll than the damage the actual trolls are doing. No, actually the damage is done when a poster has so many inconsistencies in their story. Can't keep the fantasy facts straight and we actually have the ability to read and follow up. That's what happened. One minute the W knew, the next she didn't find out and "what will happen when she does" but yet her opening paragraph the W had found his phone and blah, blah, blah...
trinity1 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 In all honesty, I don't believe she was a troll. Just somebody looking for some help and new to message boards and the way they work . . . I agree. What to some seemed like inconsistencies, seemed to me like defensiveness because she was unused to having to fend for herself on a message board.
Mimolicious Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I would think she would be banned not for being called a "troll" (we have many of those on here) but for quoting a Tweet, which are searchable BTW.
MikeRogers Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Like I said, I am pretty certain she got banned. I am also pretty certain she is aware that nobody is talking behind her back. I am guessing that it is alarming they were talking about his children as well as her children, but when they "felt" like they knew each other very well it was only a natural thing to do. You are right in the fact that there is no way that she can be healed by a message board or within 24-48 hours, but I believe she is making progress. The key being prayer. What I don't understand, is that you mention "was mm being honest when he said his wife found the texts?" I don't know why his family would be shattered if she didn't find the texts? Unless he told them? Do you think he told them? Yeah, it isn't fair that his family is shattered and hers isn't, but this is something she has to live with. I'm pretty sure she has had no more contact with MM. He told her he wasn't going to and I'm pretty sure he hasn't. I doubt it's worth Kariva losing her famly over a texting relationship, especially when you don't know somebody and don't know their hidden secrets. As for the abusive husband, I am guessing that it was 25 years of constant put downs and never being good enough. I am also guessing it was mean teasing and making sure the children put her down as well. I am also guessing that it was being emotionally unavailable at all times. Although she did state that over the past week he has actually been nice to her. What I meant was, were the texts sexual in nature (kariva?). It seems a family can resolve a non-sexual, texting relationship ... but, considering she stated that his son (sons?) posted something that said they were "shattered" ... that's a bold/dramatic statement for just an "emotional" affair (non-sexual) ... I wonder if Kariva or MM had had previous indescretions? did Kariva state in her posts that MM had had previous affairs? Kariva is married for 25 years and a leader in her church. How long has MM been married and what's his spiritual upbringing? Kariva, if you can somehow read this ... I wonder if she felt like she "loved him" ... I just feel like God offers healing to the DEEPEST hurts but if we don't ASK for healing, we'll never get it. Meaning, would she draw boundaries with her husband and tell him, unless you respect me and my feelings, I'm not staying here. That's asking for healing, and change, and boundaries. I wonder if she could make something of herself and get her photography business up and running? Idle hands are the devil's workplace Maybe this feeling of "non-affection" needs stems from her own father? (I'm totally presuming here...not judging). So, where does Kariva go from here? Just leave MM wife in shambles? MM's kids too?
Torytorytory Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I would think she would be banned not for being called a "troll" (we have many of those on here) but for quoting a Tweet, which are searchable BTW. Yikes, I am sure she didn't know that!
Mimolicious Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Doesn't look like she was "banned". She still comes up in the LS directory. So chill out guys.
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